To think my bf should have discussed me no longer being his bubble?

[HelpIcantfindaname]

My boyfriend of 3 & a half years & I don't live together but spent every weekend together pre covid.
During the first lockdown he developed COPD & is understandably scared of catching the virus. Once support bubbles were allowed we formed a bubble with our kids, but only saw each socially distanced during term time as I teach young children & there is no social distancing with them.
Now, we usually meet at weekends for a walk, as its a bit cold for sitting in gardens. I did ask if he wanted to form a bubble with someone he could visit properly. This was 2 weeks ago, he said no, he only wanted to bubble with me.
Today though he told me he's been to visit a friend & is going to start taking his son to visit her & her kids. I was puzzled as he is a stickler for not breaking the rules... but throughout our conversation it became apparent that she is now his support bubble & I am the person he can meet for a walk.
Ill be honest - I'm upset. I can't make another bubble as one of my kids is over 18. And you are not meant to change bubbles anyway.
I just thought he could have talked it through with me first. She doesn't work, doesn't go out, her kids are home schooled - but they see their dad who thinks Covid is a conspiracy & doesn't believe in SD or wearing a mask. So he is still taking risks going to hers.
AIBU to think he could have talked this through with me first?

He technically shouldn’t be changing bubbles!

I personally would be questioning my relationship!

He's choosing someone else over you op. I think you need to choose yourself here and say this isn't good enough. He's keeping you hanging by a thread over Christmas in case it doesn't work out with the other one

Exactly who is 'she?'
A friend, a relative?
Why is she trumping you now?
Very fishy!
I think you might need to steel yourself.

Please have some self respect and tell him your relationship is over. Otherwise you'll be cheated on if not already.

I would be telling the sneaky bastard to do one. The excuses are just that, excuses. If he's happy to make a bubble with someone who is in direct contact with a covid denier, then it can't possibly be about his health.

He's stringing you along whilst he works out which company he prefers.

I'm sorry OP. Don't allow yourself to be treated like that.
Tell him to fuck off, cut all contact and move on.

So he has health problems to do with his chest and presumably respiratory system, and you work with children, plus have a teenager at school so neither you or your dd are really able to socially distance at work/school? To be honest op, I can kind of see his point. He’s scared of leaving his Ds an orphan which is more than reasonable, and you’re in an environment where you’re likely to be in contact with Covid whereas the other women doesn’t go out, and homeschools her dc so they’re not going out either. Even if her husband is a dick, they’ve still got less chance of contracting Covid and passing it to him than you do. I’d cut him some slack I think.

If I never hear the term bubble again post-2020, it'll still be too soon.

Oh love I feel for you. He sounds very anxious and in a low place at the minute. . I completely get where you are coming from and YADNBU to be suspicious, but is there any chance he is doing this for his DC?

These are hard times for us all, just check you are sure what's going on before taking any decisions. 💐

This thread makes me very sad. He is giving the OP no explanation for his behaviour and no support.

Is he very elderly? How serious are the "respiratory issues?" I think for me they would have to be very serious indeed for justifying such callous treatment.

The fact the other woman is single says it all really.

@Idontgiveagriffindamn

I’m going to go against the grain not that I think you’re being unreasonable.
It sounds like you weren’t a bubble in the true sense of it. If you were social distancing and meeting for walks you can still do that now without anything changing so maybe there was no need to talk it through.

I agree with you.

Mmm. I can see his reasoning but really it’s a bit of an excuse if he was ok with it before. If you want to know who likes you look and see who is close to you.

Pull back. All walks to be instigated by him. Let him phone you for a chat not the other way round. You’ll have your answer if he doesn’t bother. Don’t string it out if he nots keen.
I’d be doing online exercise glasses every night too- you want to be looking hot either for him or the next bloke.

Brutal. Dump him!

I voted YABU because you haven't got rid already. Where's your self respect?

That would be it for me.

Sorry OP but that is majorly disloyal and a betrayal. I'd dump him for that. I would never forgive a partner for not putting me first and prioritising another woman!

The woman is his friends ex. He has lots of single mum friends

This alone is a red flag waving right in your face that you're choosing not to see.

Sorry OP and hope you'll get over the upset quickly. But a man who's chosen to be in a bubble with another woman is not your man, he just doesn't want to bother telling you the truth. Doubt he wants anything serious so he'll probably lie to get too eventually. He's callous. Get rid of him, go through the hurt and you'll come out better the other side.

*lie to her too

@HelpIcantfindaname

We have taken the rules seriously because of his chest. He is a widower & doesn't want to leave his DS an orphan. We have plans to live together when the kids leave home rather than subject teenagers to a blended family. Ive told him I'm upset. He says he loves me & would rather be at my house, but its not safe. I told him after the summer hols I'd sit in his garden & he can stay in the conservatory. I thought I'd found a good man at last. This was our first row. Is it our last?

Sorry, if it isn't it should be.

He's taking the piss

@HelpIcantfindaname

He did say he wouod switch the bubble back at Christmas. Although he's worried about coming here for Christmas as my son may have been out with friend. Slight double standards there re the risks.

Tell him not to bother

Not commenting on the bubble situation but just wanted to let you know my aunt has had COPD for a long time and has. Covid recenlty and only had mild symptoms. Apparently COPD, like asthma, isn't a condition which means you'll be worse affected by covid, even though you'd really think it would

He's a dick.
The friend's DS goes to school and is more likely breaching SD than you, OP,and more likely to put him at risk.
He's made his bed,let him lie in it.
I'd be busy when he fancies a walk.

if you didn't want to end the relationship (or for him to) why suggest he gets an alternate bubble?

I wonder if he would feel OK with you now forming a bubble with another single dad.....
I agree this is a flag. I'm sorry as you must be feeling very hurt by his actions

Tbh the other red flag is not wanting to move in until all the children have left home... even if the 12 yr old left at 18 (unlikely) you could have wasted nearly 10 yrs not living with him and not knowing if you're totally compatible. Don't waste anymore time!

Re-reading your OP, Help, YOU asked him if he wanted to form a bubble with "someone he could visit properly".

Initially, he said no.

2 weeks on, he's thought about it and is doing what YOU suggested.

Unsure why you're now upset about it.