Conversation earlier:
Me: I was texting my mum and we were suggesting maybe doing a little holiday together in the summer if it's permitted [I haven't seen them since February due to COVID]
DH: You can go. I'll stay here.
Me: OK I guess.
DH: That was a joke.
AIBU to think these "jokes" aren't funny and are really just DH being a dick? I don't even get how it's supposed to be funny.
So as not to drip-feed there is a big backstory. DH has always moaned about seeing my parents and basically spoiled every visit to see them, and always "jokes" about not wanting to see them. I feel he is essentially making passive aggressive comments and when I tell him he's upset me, he complains that it was a joke and I am unfairly policing his jokes (this is gaslighting surely?).
Also, when my brother's child was born, DH suggested that as it would be a 4 hour train trip we should wait a year to visit as we could tie it in with his planned trip to go to his mate's wedding in a nearby city. When I talked to him about the fact that he was always so negative about seeing my family he said he thought I was "basically estranged from them" anyway despite the fact that I was living with my parents when we first met. I asked him to stop making these hurtful comments.
I talked to DH after his "joke" tonight and he said MIL jokes are classic. I suggested that you don't normally make them to your wife. He replied "Well I can't see my mates at the moment."