Can I have a rant about dh not doing things properly?

[NearlyChristmasagain]

I suppose I should be grateful that he does things round the house, but I feel like weeping at the minute.

It's Sunday, and once again I feel like I'm drowning in housework, I'd rather be doing a bit of baking and going for a nice walk instead. I don't really know how it's got to this point because I kept on top of things pretty well during the week.

What makes it worse is dh can never do a job properly. For example, he's stuck a load of washing on this morning, it was a big load and quite dirty, but he's put it on a fucking cold wash with a 400 spin, so it's not clean nor spun properly.

He takes washing out if the drier and off the line that is still damp. He puts the dcs clothes away in the wrong places, such as ds2s school trousers in ds1s room, or my stuff in one of the dcs rooms, so I can't find anything.

If he puts ds to bed he leaves the towel, toothbrush, clothes, lying around.

Leaves mess everywhere. If I moan he stops for a few weeks then goes back to old ways.

Feels like living with a third child.

I learned how to use a washing machine from my dad. And when it leaked he was the one who taught me how to use a mop and bucket.

My parents shared the load and it was expected that my brother and i did equal amounts of chores (they rotated round so we did the same ones). I can't believe that men get away with this. (or any adults)

Told DD2 about this thread. She said that one of her 20something friends is planning to move in with her boyfriend. But he's never lived alone and his mum does everything, so she's told him she's not doing it until he's lived (and coped) alone for a couple of years. A few in their friendship group have ended up with lazy gits (and moved on now) and it beggars belief.

I remember once when a soldier on our base had to look after his 2 primary aged children while his wife was in hospital for a long while. After a few weeks someone (admiringly) asked him how he was managing with washing and he said "i bung everything in on non-fast coloureds and it's fine". And i have done that ever since!

Why are there so many men holding down high powered responsible jobs and yet they can’t use a washing machine, it’s a mystery!!

@LioneIRichTea

Why are there so many men holding down high powered responsible jobs and yet they can’t use a washing machine, it’s a mystery!!

@LioneIRichTea

Of course they CAN use a washing machine, that's kind of the point of this thread .......... !

Some men (not all) choose to avoid it, perhaps because they're lazy / chancing their arm / believe that it's women's work

I'll add Tony other rant openly telling me he "just forgets" when asked if he'll take the dog for a walk. He really wanted a dog and loves him but needs reminding that walks aren't optional if we fancy going out. Fortunately I love walking but would also like to run and can't fit it all in unless he helps. FFS "helps". I mean takes his share - helps suggests it's my job

The issue I have with my stbxh is that he truly doesn't care about filth and detritus.
When he lived alone you couldn't see the carpet, the kitchen side or the colour of the bathtub save for the two foot marks from where he stood to shower each day.
(I was 16 and hell bent on what I though I knew)
So when left to his own devices things like the bedroom ceiling will fall in from a leak in the roof and he will not tend to it.
The mess and filth will mount up around him and he will half bodge a clean, maybe the right t area he intends to use, the one saucepan he needs for the job type of thing
Wet washing will get hung up, in clumps so take days to dry and smell mouldy, but he won't notice.

This is why I do everything cos my sanity can't cope with that life. This is also why he is stbxh

It's so so sad for him, me and the kids

@Brefugee

With the washing take him to the machine. Tell him to do it again in 2 loads at 30° or whatever it is you use. Walk away. When it's done make him hang it up, properly. And if he takes it off damp, dump it back at him and make him hang it until it's dry

Take him to the mess tell him to put it away and walk away.

Tell him that you aren't his servant and if he doesn't do it properly he'll find himself in a single household responsible for everything?

Your not his servant' yet Tell him😂 How many times?

There must be something biological about men putting frigging damp washing away because I know so many women who’s OHs do this! Mine included. He also brushes up piles of dirt and leaves them in a corner. Nearly gave myself a hernia laughing at this!

Your not his servant' yet Tell him😂
How many times?

Pick one:

1. until he gets sick of hearing it and does it correctly without your input
2. until you get sick of it and LTB

I don't think it is mostly consciously intentional when men do these things, but I definitely think at a subconscious level he is saying "that's no my job, it's hers".

Did you never do that to your mother as a child? I did, sometimes. Obviously it's unacceptable in a grown man.

Think of it that way .