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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

About DS and Father Christmas

77 replies

Bbub · 07/11/2020 21:10

DS is about to turn 7 and said to me today while watching a Christmas film that he doesn't think Santa is real and he wants to stay up all night to see him because he doesn't believe it... I just said "when I was little I tried to stay up too but I fell asleep" and tried not to get into it.

Then he said "well he did eat the cookies we left for him... But you probably ate those and the carrot!" and I just brushed it off again.

What age did your kids realise?

Is it too early to let Santa go? Am I a miserable old bag for not putting more effort in to keep the fantasy going?

I think I probably am, but I was caught off guard

OP posts:

Original poster

Bbub · 07/11/2020 21:11

YABU = keep it going
YANBU = don't flog a dead horse

OP posts:

forrestgreen · 07/11/2020 21:13

I'd keep it going another year as he's not sure. Mine were top end juniors when they decided

Ponoka7 · 07/11/2020 21:15

Children on MN seem to believe in FC a lot longer than children who I know in real life. I'd say that he is at the age to stop believing because critical thinking should start to be developed more. It's next year that children should also start to realise how difficult some people have it and be more aware of the need for charities etc.

Givemeabreak88 · 07/11/2020 21:20

Nope no to early to me. Mine stopped believing around 6/7. Just wondering those who say their kids do believe at a later age what do you do when your child asks Santa for something they can’t have? Mine said he knew Santa wasn’t real as he had asked for a magic wand and didn’t get it 😂

thesunwillout · 07/11/2020 21:25

I've said this many times over the years but DD and have somehow never had the conversation, she's 18!

I'm not sure what I'd have said if I'd been asked or something was alluded to. If the questions stop or there's a chance to change the subject I'd probably keep quiet.
Very difficult tho when they're wondering out loud and out of the blue!

forrestgreen · 07/11/2020 21:26

We always used to just send one present from fc. So then if we were having a skint year we'd explain we didn't have lots of money this year.
Re not getting what they wanted. We chose something special that they wanted would be from fc. Then we'd be honest and say we couldn't find x item.

Nottherealslimshady · 07/11/2020 21:28

Dont say that santa doesn't exist but also dint actively lie to him. If he wants to stay up and sleep on the sofa then he can, he'll fall asleep eventually, or tell him that the legend says that Santa knows you're awake and doesn't come until you're asleep.

DimidDavilby · 07/11/2020 21:29

Sounds about right. I don't know where all these 12 year old believers on mumsnet live but it's not by me! I wouldn't want to be lying to him if he knows you're lying, you just damage the trust between you.

nosswith · 07/11/2020 21:30

Tell him the truth, just if you have younger children that he does not spoil it for them.

TotoroPotoro · 07/11/2020 21:31

My 6 year old is highly suspicious. Asked me outright the other day "is it you and daddy?" I was non committal and said she would have to wait up and see for herself. I was caught off guard though. If she asks again I will be honest. She's not daft and I'm not going to explicitly lie

zigaziga · 07/11/2020 21:32

I never believed - I just always thought it was a fun game but of course he wasn’t actually real. It was still magic.
I remember my younger brother once saying to me the same thing your DS has said about not believing and wanting to stay up to see and I remember it infuriating me at the time (!) because I thought well clearly you do half believe still if you’re wanting to stay up to catch the lie.. I’m not sure how long he stayed like that - half believing, but I reckon it was years.

I really hope it’s never a big thing with my DC. I won’t stop doing Father Christmas and the magic once they don’t believe. Believing is optional.

smalalalalalala · 07/11/2020 21:34

I was just 5 (born earlier in december) when I knew something was fishy and remember my mum trying desperately to convince me it was true. The fact I announced in front of all my class on the very morning of Santa coming to school probably didn't help

AvoidingRealHumans · 07/11/2020 21:36

My 9 Yr old(10 in December) still believes.
This will definitely be the last year, some of his friends have stopped believing this year. I don't even think he has any doubt as he hasn't ever mentioned it. Saying that, it was never discussed between me and my mum, I worked it out but never said anything. I didn't take it as a lie but its all part of the Christmas magic.
At 7 I wouldn't be confirming yet, thats a bit young for me.
If my son did ask me this year I would confirm but make it very clear he isn't to ruin it for his brother.

D4rwin · 07/11/2020 21:36

I never bothered with the whole Santa crap.

ChateauMargaux · 07/11/2020 21:37

My youngest has known the truth about Santa since he was in reception. He told one of his friends about the tooth fairy and had a long chat with my sister about Santa but even the other day, he alluded to carrying in the pretense this year.. he is 11 and my eldest is 16. I am bored of keeping up the pretense but they are keen to keep it going. Christmas could well be overshadowed by Coronavirus this year so maybe string it out one more year at least!!

Nearlysantatime · 07/11/2020 21:41

Mine still believe at 9 and 10. They are at that scary age now where other kids will have stopped believing and may well try to ruin it for them. Makes me so sad to think about it

I remember being really quite sad when I found out.

Chickenandrice · 07/11/2020 21:43

I think I would try to evade the question a bit longer? Sometimes they are just testing the water but still at the age of really wanting to believe he is real. It can be a bit sad for them when they find out.

MaskingForIt · 07/11/2020 21:43

@smalalalalalala

I think the age a child starts to question the existence of Father Christmas says a lot about their intelligence and critical reasoning skills.

I feel rather sorry for the parents who say their 12-year-olds still believe for raising such a dullard.

SerenityFlowers · 07/11/2020 21:45

Yeah he's not quite sure so don't end it just yet. With hindsight, my children were 7 or 8 when they worked it out but chose very convincingly to 'believe' until they were 10 or 11.Just because imagination is a powerful thing at that age and it made it more magical and special for them.

longsigh · 07/11/2020 21:50

I used to say if you don't believe in Santa then he doesn't believe in you! Mine continued to "believe" for many years!

Bvop · 07/11/2020 21:51

All of mine stopped believing in reception.

Original poster

Bbub · 07/11/2020 21:55

Thanks for all the varied responses!

I think one more year of making a fuss might be in order, just for the hell of it. He is an only child as well so easy enough.

I don't know if it will help or harm the case for santa that there will be no grottos etc this year to see him in flesh as it were

OP posts:

InTheLongGrass · 07/11/2020 21:58

Dont tell him at this time of year. If you are going to tell him, do it in the summer to let him adjust to the idea.
My oldest definitely knows, but I still keep up the pretense. I reckon he was about 8 when he started questioning things. Heck, my mother still tells me Santa drops off the stockings if we are at her house for Christmas!

Pogmella · 07/11/2020 22:01

Mine asked me a lot of technical qs about things like the colour of his boots/how he gets over stair gates to test me so I told them I don’t know because I’ve always been asleep when he comes which seemed to put an end to those...

jessstan1 · 07/11/2020 22:01

He's about the right age for not believing the myth any more. Just tell him it's fun to pretend but don't lie to him.

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