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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Should I have helped. Or ignored?

66 replies

Chairlove · 07/11/2020 18:56

Split up from my ex months ago. Suspicious he was getting close to a female friend, but ultimately we were not good as a couple. Friends yes. We stay in contact - just how we you doing and a quick coffee every so often.

He has his own business, something he created and is very proud off. I did help him set up and helped him work our margins etc do he can work out a profit. It’s my back ground - but left him to run it himself as it was his. Only helped when asked. He is not good with money, but spread sheets and a plan, he managed.

It seems his new girlfriend is unemployed, in debt and he is paying her to help him. However she is making out they are partners and wasting his money on stupid business ideas, taken over tye accounts. He has a saviour complex, so not surprised. He contacted me to say he is losing money, business has remained stable. Why?

It seems she is taking half the earnings, bought more expensive equipment to put in her house to make more things. His orders haven’t increased much, so no need. She has also taken over his promotions and doing stupid give free give aways all the time of their expensive products.

He is now upset as she promised business would increase. It hasn’t. None of his friends shared the promotions to help him. Really as people are fed up of him and think his new girl is using him. He has stopped seeing people.

So do I tell him the truth or not? She went mad he asked for my advice, as despite my background I know nothing. I can see him going finically bust if he carries on listening to her. I care as a friend and don’t want to see his hard work disappear. But it’s not my place to say his girlfriend is ruining his business.

OP posts:
Bluetonic41 · 07/11/2020 18:57

For God's sake tell the poor bloke straight! Hopefully he will listen and if he doesn't then its not the end of the world if the friendship lapses, hes an ex after all.

WWYD00 · 07/11/2020 19:00

What have you got to lose in telling him the truth. It doesn't sound like you have children and therefore you do not need to maintain civil contact (you may wish to of course but it isn't a necessity). He asked, so tell him.

Calmandmeasured1 · 07/11/2020 19:00

I would. I would be a good friend and tell him. It is up to him whether he believes you but, hopefully, he will know he can trust you and that you are telling him for his own good.

SocialBees · 07/11/2020 19:01

Yes, as he has asked for your advice, I'd tell him the truth. Then I'd step back and leave them to sort it out (or not).

Intruiged · 07/11/2020 19:01

Tell him the truth. He'll appreciate it, if not now then in years to come.

Aquamarine1029 · 07/11/2020 19:03

I would definitely tell him the cold hard truth. 100%

switswooo · 07/11/2020 19:03

Why wouldn’t you tell him the truth? Confused

SocialBees · 07/11/2020 19:04

Could you try to de-personalise the message? So instead of saying "your girlfriend is ruining your business" you say "the strategies of buying more expensive equipment and offering freebies have resulted in higher expenses which have not been matched by higher sales, leading to financial loss".

ReneeRol · 07/11/2020 19:08

I would tell him the truth. It's sad that none of his friends have been direct with him. Sit him down and be brutally honest. Make it clear that he's going to lose everything if he continues to allow her to ruin his business.

Ponoka7 · 07/11/2020 19:11

Another vote for tell him the truth.

HollowTalk · 07/11/2020 19:12

Why would you not tell him the truth?

SimplyRadishing · 07/11/2020 19:14

Tell him straight but neutrally
The business bought X at a cost of Y. It wasnt required
Business is flat but the coupon strategy means you have given away A to the value of B

Go point by point and then explain while you have helped but you are no longer involved in the business.

It's his responsibility and if he requires a business consultant he needs to hire one.

WitchesBritchesPumpkinPants · 07/11/2020 19:14

Yes I would. Absolutely, he's a friend, he needs your help, he's asked for your help.

Try to word it as SocialBees has advised, if you can.

He may not appreciate it at the time, but he will.

I hope the idiot listens.

LouiseTrees · 07/11/2020 19:17

Tell him the truth yep.

Chairlove · 07/11/2020 19:17

Haven’t told the truth yet as the started off saying how disappointed he was in his friends not supporting his relationship. He said they think he has made a mistake and back in old patterns.

Tried to say you have higher outgoings, but he disagreed and said it will get better as they have a plan. He wants me to look over tye books. I will have to be brutal

OP posts:
katy1213 · 07/11/2020 19:17

Tell him the truth. Then back off - and don't pick up the pieces.

MrsSpringfield · 07/11/2020 19:23

I probably wouldn't even bother getting involved.
Not your problem and you'll probably be depicted as a nosy, interfering cow. And blamed if your ideas don't work or hers do. I just couldn't even be bothered, for an ex (especially one who was getting close to someone else during our relationship).

GreenlandTheMovie · 07/11/2020 19:25

God, is he stupid? Why are you even involved? He will have you giving him free business advice next.

Not your circus, not your monkeys. You really do owe him absolutely nothing.

NailsNeedDoing · 07/11/2020 19:26

He’s asked for the truth so tell him the truth, even though he clearly doesn’t want to hear it. Eventually, he'll see you’re right and thank you.

Eddielzzard · 07/11/2020 19:31

Tried to say you have higher outgoings, but he disagreed

He's not going to listen unless you say he'll be fine, it's all fine, she's great blah blah blah. Tell him you won't meet because he doesn't want to hear what you have to say. It's a waste of time.

timetest · 07/11/2020 19:31

I’d tell him the truth then steer clear.

WitchesBritchesPumpkinPants · 07/11/2020 19:32

@Chairlove

Haven’t told the truth yet as the started off saying how disappointed he was in his friends not supporting his relationship. He said they think he has made a mistake and back in old patterns.

Tried to say you have higher outgoings, but he disagreed and said it will get better as they have a plan. He wants me to look over tye books. I will have to be brutal

Tell him you'll look over them, then when you talk to him after, make it clear that you are telling him what you see/think, you're not debating it, what he does with your advice is down to him. & him alone.
Haffiana · 07/11/2020 19:35

I would point him in the direction of a proper financial business advisor.

S111n20 · 07/11/2020 19:43

I would tell him the truth.

SonjaHeniesTutu · 07/11/2020 19:49

Honestly, back away OP. You've helped him enormously already. If you offer advice or check through the books, the GF will see this as interference from you and the shit will hit the fan. He will NOT thank you if he and the GF get into a fight regardless if you think you are saving his business. They will both blame you and you'll be dragged into the shit. He needs to look after his business himself and if he requires expert advice, he should be paying for it.

He's already not listening to advice, and he will continue on this path as it does not suit the narrative he has going.