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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Should I have helped. Or ignored?

66 replies

Chairlove · 07/11/2020 18:56

Split up from my ex months ago. Suspicious he was getting close to a female friend, but ultimately we were not good as a couple. Friends yes. We stay in contact - just how we you doing and a quick coffee every so often.

He has his own business, something he created and is very proud off. I did help him set up and helped him work our margins etc do he can work out a profit. It’s my back ground - but left him to run it himself as it was his. Only helped when asked. He is not good with money, but spread sheets and a plan, he managed.

It seems his new girlfriend is unemployed, in debt and he is paying her to help him. However she is making out they are partners and wasting his money on stupid business ideas, taken over tye accounts. He has a saviour complex, so not surprised. He contacted me to say he is losing money, business has remained stable. Why?

It seems she is taking half the earnings, bought more expensive equipment to put in her house to make more things. His orders haven’t increased much, so no need. She has also taken over his promotions and doing stupid give free give aways all the time of their expensive products.

He is now upset as she promised business would increase. It hasn’t. None of his friends shared the promotions to help him. Really as people are fed up of him and think his new girl is using him. He has stopped seeing people.

So do I tell him the truth or not? She went mad he asked for my advice, as despite my background I know nothing. I can see him going finically bust if he carries on listening to her. I care as a friend and don’t want to see his hard work disappear. But it’s not my place to say his girlfriend is ruining his business.

OP posts:
LindaEllen · 07/11/2020 21:04

I'd certainly tell him the truth. Some people think running a business is a laugh, and they don't realise how important some decisions are, and how much you need to think things through.

I've run two businesses (currently both at the same time) and I know I would like to be told if something like this was happening to mine.

BluntAndToThePoint80 · 07/11/2020 21:34

If you’re going to advise him, I’d go with the suggestions on here about keeping it factual rather than blaming the new girlfriend. Otherwise, I’d walk away.

20bloodypumpkins · 07/11/2020 21:35

Can you refer him to someone similar to yourself?

Give him the outline "if your spend x on this, y will happen" but then get him to verify it with someone who has never been emotionally involved.

Tistheseason17 · 07/11/2020 21:46

Keep it factual and dont mention here. Ie. I e noticed your outgoings on this area have increased by X and your expenditure here has increased by Y etc
Feedback does not need to name her. The issue is for him to resolve.

Juliehooligan · 07/11/2020 21:54

You need to tell him the truth, especially if you are going to look over the books for him, you can point out where it is all going wrong, you can’t argue with black and white figures.

Genevieva · 07/11/2020 22:01

Yes tell him and suggest he makes sure that this expensive equipment is brought to the work premises or his house so it doesn't vanish when they inevitably split up. I

Genevieva · 07/11/2020 22:03

Sorry pressed return to soon. Was going to say that I think your prior involvement suggests that he would trust your judgement and you would not be wasting your time.

Bluntness100 · 07/11/2020 22:05

Meh, he’s a grown up running a business, if he’s going to hook up with someone and give her full access and can’t work it out himself I’d leave him to it to be honest

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 07/11/2020 22:13

I'd actually ask him.... You've asked me for advice.... Do you want me to just reinforce ideas that will make you go under? OR some proper analyses? It is UP TO HIM whether he accepts /acts on, or not.

Then pull back your involvement... Some folk just like to moan with no intention of changing!

They're also exhausting as friends.. Esp. When you're a professional, and they want some free advice they have no intention of following!

1Morewineplease · 07/11/2020 22:19

I'm with others
Tell him then back away.

tara66 · 07/11/2020 22:24

Is he a thicko that he can't see what is going on under his nose and he won't be told?

BlueThistles · 07/11/2020 22:31

Is he really this stupid Confused

He has already dropped every single one of his friends.. for the girlfriend... that is bleeding him dry...

I know you mean well... but if you look at those books... all sorts of nasty jealousy allegations are going to get banded around... she will lash out at You.... and ultimately he wont listen... he has blurred the lines between Sex and Work now.... but she is definitely ripping the piss...

remember... the messenger always gets shot

I agree with everyone that suggested getting someone completely independent to look at his books and FAST .

good luck Flowers

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 07/11/2020 22:54

"To be honest, it's not something I can help you with. You need an accountant" ought to cover it. Trying to save him will not end well.

Jeremyironseverything · 07/11/2020 23:01

Tell him he won't like what you have to say, so would he rather you shut up, or does he want the truth. Then it's up to him.

KarmaNoMore · 08/11/2020 12:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BlueThistles · 08/11/2020 13:24

If you have kids together, not telling him may affect your child maintenance, but honestly... it is more costly (emotionally and otherwise) to end up raising kids with a man who doesn’t want to communicate with you because he thinks the lack of support of friends on this is evidence that you are trying to split them up.

Stay out of it, that friendship and communication you currently have to raise the kids together but separately is worth far more than all the money he could loose.

there are no kids

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