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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Fed up of our house being used as a dumping ground.

64 replies

J1112 · 07/11/2020 15:24

Come here to vent as my ex’s family really annoy me!

Basically DS aged 10 doesn’t see much of his dad tbh. They do buy him stuff. Presents not presence type of thing.

For years it was always his toys and belongings here and belongings over there (other than a few things that DS might bring over here or vice versus). Because of this his stuff as his dads barely got looked at and outgrown quickly as he was hardly there. But this was their fault for buying him too much. I only live in a small house. With younger children. I don’t have room to keep all the stuff ex buys ds. He already has enough here. I don’t mind thing a few things coming over here but no room for everything they buy him as some of the stuff he buys him is utter junk anyway. Plus he already has a lot of the same stuff here (they never ask what he needs or wants). DS has gifts from us, my family, hubby’s family too.

Sooo. DS seen his dad yesterday and has come
home with a bike! I told ex that we have no room in the shed and he’ll have to take it back else it’ll get left outside. He already has a bike where. We don’t need another.

Ex said that I have to keep it. Apparently they bought it 2 years ago and DS has barely played on it (no surprise there) and thought they’d bring it over. I’ve had another look at it and it’s way too small for DS now. DS come home and said he didn’t want to bring it but ex made him. So now I’m left with it. Thinking I may put it on a selling page free to a good home so it’s not hanging around.

Now I’m stuck with a bike they don’t want back. Aibu to think they shouldn’t be using my house as a dumping ground?? For stuff I don’t even want
Nor does DS.

This isn’t the first time it happened. Just last year I was given 2 bin bags of toys that they had bought him but by this point he was too do for the said toys and I had to get rid. Plus another bag of clothes that I’d never seen before all sizes too small.

It’s been a scooter before even though he already has one. Told him we didn’t need it!

We split up 10 years ago. I really don’t want the shit ex buys DS unless DS really wants it here (he’s not really into toys tbh and already has a bike).

I’m just so annoyed!!!!

It’ll be the same Christmas. They will see him for an hour and he’ll come home with stuff he doesn’t need. I sound ungrateful but I wish they’d just ask DS what he would like or need rather than just rubbish or duplicate presents!!

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 07/11/2020 15:29

You either grow a backbone and refuse to take the stuff into your home or you immediately donate all of it.

billy1966 · 07/11/2020 15:32

@Aquamarine1029

You either grow a backbone and refuse to take the stuff into your home or you immediately donate all of it.
This.
FedUpAtHomeTroels · 07/11/2020 15:39

Sell it and give Ds the money.

CakeRequired · 07/11/2020 15:39

I'd be going 'oh yay, I can sell this and the other stuff for money and buy myself a new bigger TV, thanks!'

He'll probably take it back and try to do that himself.

MrsExpo · 07/11/2020 15:40

Charity shops are always looking for good quality merchandise. This is your answer I think.

beelover · 07/11/2020 15:40

Could you not sell it all and either give the money to DS to buy things he does want or put into savings for him.

LouiseTrees · 07/11/2020 15:42

Have your DS take it back round. Possibly on it for the last few yards to make it clear how comically small it now is for him.

DelphiniumBlue · 07/11/2020 15:42

Sell it. Or give it away to someone who needs it - Freecycle or something. It's annoying, but it'll upset DS if he feels caught in the middle about this.

Original poster
J1112 · 07/11/2020 15:47

Thanks all. I have tried selling some bits in the past but it was seen by them on a local selling page and I get abuse for selling stuff they bought!

When he turned up with bike today! I said we have no room you’ll have to take it back. He said no so I said it’ll stay outside in the back garden then, go rusty and be dumped eventually. He just shrugged! (I won’t let it rot, I’ll give it away even for free).

My ex would be better off just buying DS a few things and putting money into a savings account or actually asking what he needs.

It’s not just the ex. It’s his whole family. His mum and dad etc.

They drive me potty.

When they gave me the bag of toys I sent a text requesting he picked it up. He said no take it charity so I took it all to charity. I wouldn’t mind but I have to drive at least 20-30 mins to do and park up with my younger disabled daughter and carry it all!

I’m just so annoyed at them right now.

OP posts:
MikeUniformMike · 07/11/2020 15:49

Car boot sale.

LouiseTrees · 07/11/2020 15:51

Sell on a national site not on a local selling page, they won’t know its you, you’ll site get the money.

LadyLindaT · 07/11/2020 15:53

As you have said, its about "presents, not presence".
My daughter once went out for the afternoon with her very negligent father, on a rare time he bothered with her.
An hour later she returned home with a piano, which I just had to slot right into to my living room!
No discussion with with me, whatsoever...

DaddysGirlForLife · 07/11/2020 15:57

Can you pass them down to your younger children?

I can understand your frustration! Its like DS dad is doing a clear out at his house so he's bringing all the sh*t to yours. Hmm

CrazyOldBagLady · 07/11/2020 15:59

Annoying but I don't know what you can do about it really. Sell it and give him the cash to get more suitable items. Who cares if they moan.

SillyCow6 · 07/11/2020 16:00

Id tell him outright that anything that gets left in your house will get treated the same as everything else and will either be donated or sold when no longer of use or too small. If he doesnt want you to gain financially from something he bought then he needs to either donate it or sell it himself.
Be really clear and firm about this. Maybe even send it to him in some written form and keep a copy to cover yourself just in case he tries to be an arse further down the line

BloggersBlog · 07/11/2020 16:04

How annoying!!! Just freecycle the whole lot, someone will snap the stuff up

Wiredforsound · 07/11/2020 16:05

Next time they’re meeting, pack up all his shit and drive your son over to his house. Dump it on his doorstep with a cheery, “Just returning your stuff, bye!”, and clear off.

YoniAndGuy · 07/11/2020 16:06

'Great, we'll sell it, thanks. Tell your family that if I hear so much as a peep, I'll be explaining on the selling post exactly why this is available - that it's yet another unwanted, too small 'gift' from a dad that can't be bothered to do much more than buying shit and dumping it on me.'

bluebeck · 07/11/2020 16:06

Just sell it - so what if he and his family moan?

speakout · 07/11/2020 16:12

Just sell it or give it away.

Better still don;t accept it in the first place,

Ohtherewearethen · 07/11/2020 16:13

It sounds like you worry a bit about upsetting them by them seeing their shit for sale so make them more worried about upsetting you by dumping it all on you. Next time just say that you're not accepting it, you have no room, so they can take it straight to the charity shop. Don't let them dump it on you. If they do somehow manage it then take it back to their house and leave it in their door step.

MsPeachh · 07/11/2020 16:13

Dump it back on his doorstep!

jillandhersprite · 07/11/2020 16:20

Keep selling it. So what if they get annoyed - point out that DS doesn't want it and actually would have been happy for it to be thrown away. Why does it matter that they are annoyed - perhaps if they are annoyed enough eventually they will stop.
I think its very easy to say stop it from coming in, when he's guilt tripped your son into bringing it in. Try as much as you can, the stuff that gets in - sell it. Reason I say sell is that even if its just for £1 a go - the buyer comes to you to get it. Whereas you can get all sorts of weird behaviours when you try to give it away on freecycle...

BackInSeptember · 07/11/2020 16:20

I’d take it round to ex’s and dump it in his garden.
It sounds like he’s too idle to get rid of stuff himself so is dumping it on you. Don’t stand for it.

Weebitawks · 07/11/2020 16:23

Just drive to his house and dump it outside. You told him you didn't want it and it's not your job to dispose of it.