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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Fed up of our house being used as a dumping ground.

64 replies

J1112 · 07/11/2020 15:24

Come here to vent as my ex’s family really annoy me!

Basically DS aged 10 doesn’t see much of his dad tbh. They do buy him stuff. Presents not presence type of thing.

For years it was always his toys and belongings here and belongings over there (other than a few things that DS might bring over here or vice versus). Because of this his stuff as his dads barely got looked at and outgrown quickly as he was hardly there. But this was their fault for buying him too much. I only live in a small house. With younger children. I don’t have room to keep all the stuff ex buys ds. He already has enough here. I don’t mind thing a few things coming over here but no room for everything they buy him as some of the stuff he buys him is utter junk anyway. Plus he already has a lot of the same stuff here (they never ask what he needs or wants). DS has gifts from us, my family, hubby’s family too.

Sooo. DS seen his dad yesterday and has come
home with a bike! I told ex that we have no room in the shed and he’ll have to take it back else it’ll get left outside. He already has a bike where. We don’t need another.

Ex said that I have to keep it. Apparently they bought it 2 years ago and DS has barely played on it (no surprise there) and thought they’d bring it over. I’ve had another look at it and it’s way too small for DS now. DS come home and said he didn’t want to bring it but ex made him. So now I’m left with it. Thinking I may put it on a selling page free to a good home so it’s not hanging around.

Now I’m stuck with a bike they don’t want back. Aibu to think they shouldn’t be using my house as a dumping ground?? For stuff I don’t even want
Nor does DS.

This isn’t the first time it happened. Just last year I was given 2 bin bags of toys that they had bought him but by this point he was too do for the said toys and I had to get rid. Plus another bag of clothes that I’d never seen before all sizes too small.

It’s been a scooter before even though he already has one. Told him we didn’t need it!

We split up 10 years ago. I really don’t want the shit ex buys DS unless DS really wants it here (he’s not really into toys tbh and already has a bike).

I’m just so annoyed!!!!

It’ll be the same Christmas. They will see him for an hour and he’ll come home with stuff he doesn’t need. I sound ungrateful but I wish they’d just ask DS what he would like or need rather than just rubbish or duplicate presents!!

OP posts:
marveloustimeruiningeverything · 07/11/2020 16:25

You're doing wife work for your ex. he can't be arsed to dispose of it or sell it on, so he's dumping the job on you. And still criticising you if you actually do try to sell it.

Ignore any criticism ... sell it all on or donate it to a charity.

katy1213 · 07/11/2020 16:29

Leave it outside your door tagged 'help yourself' and it'll be gone in five minutes.

diddl · 07/11/2020 16:32

@katy1213

Leave it outside your door tagged 'help yourself' and it'll be gone in five minutes.
Yup!

Takes the least effort!

serialreturner · 07/11/2020 16:37

@J1112

Thanks all. I have tried selling some bits in the past but it was seen by them on a local selling page and I get abuse for selling stuff they bought!

When he turned up with bike today! I said we have no room you’ll have to take it back. He said no so I said it’ll stay outside in the back garden then, go rusty and be dumped eventually. He just shrugged! (I won’t let it rot, I’ll give it away even for free).

My ex would be better off just buying DS a few things and putting money into a savings account or actually asking what he needs.

It’s not just the ex. It’s his whole family. His mum and dad etc.

They drive me potty.

When they gave me the bag of toys I sent a text requesting he picked it up. He said no take it charity so I took it all to charity. I wouldn’t mind but I have to drive at least 20-30 mins to do and park up with my younger disabled daughter and carry it all!

I’m just so annoyed at them right now.

Why the fuck should you be responsible for getting rid of all this shit?

Tell them to do one - this is just a waste of your time and their money. Which is up to them, but not your gig to sort.

I'd refuse to take anything more. They're using you as a bin man/recycling person!

CrotchetyQuaver · 07/11/2020 16:37

Keep advertising the unwanted/outgrown stuff for sale, if they don't like it then they can stop dumping it at yours. I'd keep any money for your son when he's older.

PepsiLola · 07/11/2020 16:39

Just take it back to the dads and leave it at his house.

Message him and say it's his problem to dispose of, not yours

MikeUniformMike · 07/11/2020 16:39

Offer it separately on freecycle/freegle.Father Christmas might be a bit skint this year.

MessAllOver · 07/11/2020 16:39

Sell as much of it as you can. Put the money towards stuff DS actually wants/ needs. Ignore any abuse... They'll soon get the message that anything they dump on you will be sold. Or reply, "Thanks but this is too young for DS/DS already has this. If you like, I can suggest some presents he'll appreciate more".

Enough4me · 07/11/2020 16:41

Drop it outside his house, or his parents, whichever is nearer. Don't talk about it at all, just return to them.

Colouringaddict · 07/11/2020 16:51

Charity shops are all closed now until December, might be worth asking around for a family that might be struggling and would appreciate it all?

Sweettea1 · 07/11/2020 16:56

Send the dad a message saying g the bike is to small a day has one already if he wants to collect he can but if not you will giving it to charity atleast that way he knows your plans an can't moan if given away.

ChikiTIKI · 07/11/2020 17:00

Bikes are so easy to pass on. Leave it on the pavement outside your house. It will be gone by the morning 👍🏻

Newnamenewopenme · 07/11/2020 17:00

Can you ask at ds school if any kids/parents might appreciate it? We’ve had kids at school where parents have lost jobs recently so might appreciate it for Christmas? If not I say charity or car boot sale.

If you put it on selling pages and it’s seen by the ex say your son wants to save up to buy an Xbox or something and that’s why he’s selling stuff

TheFormerPorpentinaScamander · 07/11/2020 17:04

You have my sympathies @J1112. My ex does the same.
Once he bought round a bag of his step sons outgrown toys for our DC. Most were damaged or had bits missing and went in the bin. Others were just not needed/wanted and went to the charity shop. A few years later he asked for them back for his younger dc Shock. Apparently my house is some kind of free storage facility!

RightOnTheEdge · 07/11/2020 17:07

I think selling it and giving the money to ds is the best idea. I don't blame you for being pissed off with it though.
Block them on social media and then they won't be able to see you selling it and send you abuse.

Or put it all in your car and dump it all back on his doorstep, the annoying dickhead.

BlueJava · 07/11/2020 17:18

Either sell stuff on a site they don't use (I see that use a local fb page) or just donate it. If you make some money just put it in DS account.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 07/11/2020 17:20

When they bring stuff, put it directly into a charity bag. or the bin, in front of them.

Don't engage in a discussion.

Go indoors.

Chickenitalia · 07/11/2020 17:20

I would sell it as you have been doing, and make sure I put in the listing that it is being sold on your sons behalf as he has outgrown it. Then if they do get arsey you can happily ignore, it’s true. It’s too small for him.

Obviously if you are more comfortable offering it for free to get shot of it then do that. Put it up on your personal Facebook feed where you can control who sees it, or if you have anything connected to school or your local area that they aren’t members of, go with that.

I always hesitate over free sites like gumtree and free cycle as I got a lot of time wasters on there. But this time of year if you offer the bike for a small amount, £5 or £10, people take it more seriously, it’s still a bargain and your ds gets a bit of cash for something he wants.

Don’t let them into your headspace, it’s not worth it. See it as an opportunity not an imposition, if you can. It’s money for your ds.

GeorgiaGirl52 · 07/11/2020 17:28

Sell all the unwanted items. Take the money and buy your son a drum set. Have drum set sent to his father's house, for him to play with there.

LittleOwl153 · 07/11/2020 17:31

With charity shows shut for lock down id be prepared for a bit more dumping.
I'd definitely drop it back at his though if that's an option! Or list it and in the inlaws moan, tell them they can come and collect if the wish!

DPotter · 07/11/2020 17:32

sell the bike - 2nd hand bikes are fetching a good price at the moment. Try Ebay for local collection.

If Ex says anything- just tell him the money is in a savings account for DS

Iamuhtredsonofuhtred · 07/11/2020 17:38

Sell it on eBay! My inlays also get really pissed off when i sell things or donate things they gave the kids that they are too big for. Its ridiculous. But if you use eBay they won't know.

forrestgreen · 07/11/2020 17:41

Sell it if it's worth anything. Tat I'd be driving back with and leaving it on his doorstep with a note saying if these are too young for ds at your house they're too young for ds at my house. I'm not a charity shop. Don't send anything else.

BrummyMum1 · 07/11/2020 17:42

“Sorry but we don’t have room to store things you no longer want in your house”. Don’t take them or sell them or store them or keep them. It’s sooooo much work decluttering all the time.

ImMoana · 07/11/2020 17:46

Does he live far from you? Just go over there and dump it all on his doorstep. Every time.