Husband has being using my laptop to talk to strangers on bdsm website

[Sukhwinder]

I opened my laptop to start wfh and there was a bdsm website up with hundreds of explicit messages to different women going back months. Husband said ‘it’s just a fantasy thing’ There aren’t any photos exchanged or private details.

AIBU to think it’s cheating?

I literally don’t know what to do. I’ve always been the one with a slightly higher sex drive and I’ve never turned him down.

I’ve been working myself half to death to pay for our beautiful house and all our things whilst he has an easy life and I feel a lot of resentment that this is what he’s been doing while I’ve been working and he’s sitting at home.

I also feel that I don’t know how I can trust him now. I could never have done something like this to him.

That’s utterly shit. An enormous cheating cocklodger.

I will say I don’t particularly have an issue with using porn for ‘fantasy’ but engaging in rl is not on.

Cheating

Yuck, pretty vile behaviour. Do you have kids? How long have you been together. I would find this a massive issue.

You might want to post in relationships.

"hundreds of explicit messages to different women going back months"

I'd call that cheating.

"I’ve been working myself half to death to pay for our beautiful house and all our things whilst he has an easy life and I feel a lot of resentment that this is what he’s been doing while I’ve been working and he’s sitting at home."
Why is he 'sitting at home'? Is he furloughed so still contributing financially to the household, or - what? 'Working myself half to death' suggests you're doing overtime/extra shifts for financial reasons - is this the case?

Eww, he's a vile bastard.

No, not acceptable in any way.

Actually messaging real life people to talk about his BDSM fantasies with them - so far over the line, he's in contention for the triple jump world record.

He's cheating and he's very stupid. Not a great combination.

Oh God leave him. Are your assets protected? Do you have kids?

Know your worth more than this and get out.

💐

Why is he using your laptop? Doesn't he have his own device?

You deserve so much better, get rid asap.

Urgh. The bottom line is, it doesn’t matter whether it’s technically cheating or not. You’re either happy with it in your relationship, or not.

Urgh! I'm pretty lax about porn but live chatting is a definite no no.

LTB

Definitely cheating
Ltb

That's game over in my book

Of course it's cheating, he's engaging in a sexual activity with someone other than you.

I’d be ending it. Total dealbreaker.

Is this on your work laptop? Because I'd be very concerned about the consequences of that professionally.
Personally I wouldnt call it cheating but it would be completely unacceptable to me and I would leave him.

You don't need anyone's permission to trust you own gut OP, it is not up to him what your boundaries are.

Yep it’s cheating. Chuck his sorry ass out the front door.

I think take time to make the right decision. Is there a reason why he couldn't tell you about this fantasy? You have every right to feel hurt especially as you have said he doesn't contribute his half of the bills. But don't do anything whilst you are angry.

You know I think I would be more pissed off that he used my work laptop for something like that rather than the actual doing something like that. Not sure it’s cheating I think it’s fantasy too but that doesn’t mean you have to like it or want him near you again if it crosses your boundaries.

It’s almost like he wanted to be found out.

LTB. This is how it starts, before you know he’s going behind your back sleeping with loads of other women using the excuse ‘it’s my fantasy’ 🙄

He’s being a selfish prick and getting his kicks from others, which is not ok. Did you know he had an interest in BDSM?

@unchienandalusia

Urgh! I'm pretty lax about porn but live chatting is a definite no no.

I agree. He said porn wasn’t enough any more.