Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this email is flirty

105 replies

RootinandTootin · 06/11/2020 21:42

Got an email from a colleague I quite fancy and I’m not sure if I’m reading into it. “Are you sure you can manage that IT on your own? On a scale of confident to (person who’s terrible at IT) where are you?” Background the email is about something that needs doing after hours and I’ve asked this person for help before. Thoughts?

OP posts:
Readandwalk · 07/11/2020 00:08

No.

Untangled87 · 07/11/2020 00:40

Oh give me a break with the 'patronising', 'rude', 'mansplaining', 'condescending'... Some people have zero sense of humour! It's clearly just a fun, friendly, in-joke (and I could tell that even before OP explained she was rubbish at IT).

It's the kind of message you could equally send to a colleague you like in a platonic way or one that you fancy. It's not evidence of flirting in itself. But the fact he's offering to spend some time together after hours may be promising.

Notarealmum · 07/11/2020 00:58

As a self-confessed technoramus I don’t have a problem with being open about my lack of IT capabilities - there’s lots of stuff I’m good at that techies aren’t. Hope your after hours training session goes well, OP, I second what a PP said about saying you owe him a beer for the help and then leave it to see if he picks up on the offer once the pubs are open again.

MerchantOfVenom · 07/11/2020 01:38

“Are you sure you can manage that IT on your own? On a scale of confident to (person who’s terrible at IT) where are you?”

I’m going against the grain, as I think it’s clearly banter, possibly more.

I’ve had plenty of this sort of chat in the dim and distant past, and it’s definitely been along the lines of sounding each other out.

‘Are you sure you can manage it on your own?’ is clearly him angling for some time with you.

‘On a scale of confident to [Majorie in accounts], yada, yada’ - bit of an in joke.

🤷🏻‍♀️

Kcar · 07/11/2020 06:20

No.

Mummadeeze · 07/11/2020 07:13

I like your response... came across as quite banter-y but self confident at the same time. I think his sounded flirty or at the least v friendly. Good luck!

SleepingStandingUp · 07/11/2020 08:19

@Untangled87

Oh give me a break with the 'patronising', 'rude', 'mansplaining', 'condescending'... Some people have zero sense of humour! It's clearly just a fun, friendly, in-joke (and I could tell that even before OP explained she was rubbish at IT).

It's the kind of message you could equally send to a colleague you like in a platonic way or one that you fancy. It's not evidence of flirting in itself. But the fact he's offering to spend some time together after hours may be promising.

This!

It's clearly an in joke about her being awful at this stuff and him helping which he clearly doesn't mind.

It isn't negging as pp suggested or misogynistic or patronising etc to have a joke with people you like. I really do wonder about the dynamics of some people's friendships of humour is off the table

Original poster
RootinandTootin · 07/11/2020 08:21

And in the terrible it guys defence even he knows he’s awful again something we’ve all had a bit of a laugh about (it guy included). Taking from the comments I think it was slightly flirty and I do feel like he’s inferring to being alone together in the office. Other things that make me feel like this are we always catch each other’s eye and naturally sit next to each other in all meetings. Hahaha oh god I sound mental! I think I’m just going to go for it.

OP posts:
Original poster
RootinandTootin · 07/11/2020 08:25

I don’t feel like it was patronising at all, he’s really nice and is friendly but is it just friendliness or more? I suppose only I’ll know that. Just don’t want to make a fool out of myself. Chances are I won’t if we get on. Thanks to all the normal posters who don’t immediately cry that I’m being abused by a man. I’m a big girl and can look after myself

OP posts:
rachelvbwho · 07/11/2020 08:46

Sound like a patronising tool to me Hmm

ThatsMeChickenArm · 07/11/2020 08:48

Context is everything. Go for it.

Gingernaut · 07/11/2020 08:50

It's insulting. Very patronising and you're playing up the ditsy, 'useless with tech biddy' role.

Learn about IT and stop with the stereotype

Branleuse · 07/11/2020 08:52

It sounds quite familiar, but not necessarily flirty

Original poster
RootinandTootin · 07/11/2020 08:56

I’m not playing up to anything, just a bit useless. Like I said I’m brilliant in other parts of my job which I get praised for regularly by team members. I don’t feel offended by his comments I find them funny. Some of you posters really do put yourselves on your high horses don’t you?! Calm down and have a laugh for once in your lives. Honestly these comments make my eyes roll.

OP posts:
Original poster
RootinandTootin · 07/11/2020 08:56

If it was the other way around and I was saying the same to him would it be patronising?

OP posts:
flaviaritt · 07/11/2020 08:57

He just wants to know how confident you are in a task.

CCSA · 07/11/2020 09:07

If there’s a bit of a flirty backdrop, in jokes, talking to each other more than you talk to other colleagues I’d say it’s definitely an attempt at flirting, albeit slightly ham-fisted. If you like him pull on the thread and see what happens...

Iwonder08 · 07/11/2020 09:17

OP, I disagree with the majority of posters. If he helped you with similar stuff before and this work is out of hours it is entirely possible he was hinting on taking it 'out of hours' and looking for reassurance.
You reply is good, it still gives him a chance to so something about it.
It would be so muhh easier though if either of you just said 'I like you, I find you interesting, would you like to have a cup of coffee/dinner together'

SleepingStandingUp · 07/11/2020 09:29

@RootinandTootin

If it was the other way around and I was saying the same to him would it be patronising?
Also if you were a lesbian and she said this, would it still be negging, patronising etc. No, just cos he's a man
Kaiserin · 07/11/2020 09:47

I'm female and I could have sent that email to a colleague of either sex.

It's just nice informal "IT customer service" talk, to get you to be honest about how confident you really are with a task, with an obvious tongue-in-check edge to it, so that you don't feel judged.

Your colleague sounds like a nice friendly IT person.
He may or may not fancy you. You can't tell from that email.
He may see himself as a mentor figure, for instance.
He might even be gay or asexual.
No way to know except by actually trying to get in his pants

Sheknowsaboutme · 07/11/2020 09:57

If that is flirty, he’s gotta be a heck of a guy with the ladies.

Reborn2020 · 07/11/2020 10:26

Not at all.
Sounds like he doesn't think that you are up to the job with IT skills lacking

Butchyrestingface · 07/11/2020 10:31

Sounds mansplainy rather than flirty. But you fill your boots if that's your thing.

MiddleClassMother · 07/11/2020 10:36

It sounds patronising rather than flirty. I think you're just hoping it is. Ask him for a drink instead.

Original poster
RootinandTootin · 07/11/2020 10:42

@MiddleClassMother honestly though if it was the other way around and I the younger office Junior had emailed that to him and he sent the reply would it be any different? I’m not stupid and I honestly don’t feel like he was being condescending. I can see how it might be interpreted that way as I’m younger and a woman.

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread