To think this email is flirty

[RootinandTootin]

Got an email from a colleague I quite fancy and I’m not sure if I’m reading into it. “Are you sure you can manage that IT on your own? On a scale of confident to (person who’s terrible at IT) where are you?” Background the email is about something that needs doing after hours and I’ve asked this person for help before. Thoughts?

Not flirty at all. To me flirty is Carry On film style innuendo + compliments. I don't get subtle hints, they sail straight over my head: so you have to be overtly flirty for me to get the message.

Well, he's opening a door to you spending time together.

Depending on tone and your dynamic, it's patronising or kind of earnest or jokey.

I'd be wary if the general theme of your conversations is only laughing at your ineptitude, instead of gentle mutual ribbing where it's more balanced.

Is he self-deprecating about himself as well as laughing at you? Does he acknowledge stuff you do well?

Accept his help, stay after hours, offer to buy him a beer afterwards to say thank you. Oh....the pubs are closed. But you catch my drift.

It's not flirty. On the face of it its patronising.

But - as you've laughed before about your IT challenges, the IT project is after hours I'd say he's deliberately nudging the door open to get you to ask him to help you (after hours. Alone).

So, I can completely see why you're questioning it. He's testing the water.

@ThatsMeChickenArm

Only if you spell flirty N E G G I N G.

Exactly this.

I thought it was slightly insulting. I can’t see it as flirting at all.

Slightly light-hearted definitely not flirty. If you get on I don't think it would've been intended to be patronising

I'd give him the benefit of the doubt and say it's a friendly tease more than an insult (to you at least; he was a bit of a twat about the poor colleague he uses as a comparison). I don't think it's flirty though.

It’s a stretch but I can sort of see it - he’s sort of volunteering to spend time he doesn’t have to with you 1:1. (I can also see what people mean about it seeming patronising, though if you’ve done some similar stuff with him before and played up your own incompetence then that points a bit more towards trying to flirt).

However, since he’s senior to you (or if it was his area of responsibility in the company) it could just as easily be him being good at his job.

Why not take him up on the offer and see what he’s like at the time?

So yes, say you'd appreciate an offer of help for your notoriously questionable tech skills.

Honestly he’s really nice and I thought his comment was funny. I’m really good at other parts of my job which he praises. I dunno it just felt a bit like we had an “in” joke. I responded “I think I can manage x on my own but anything over and above I can’t guarantee” then I left it at that. The thing is Wednesday so I’ll see if he sticks around

I’m not seeing it...

Not flirty at all. It is a dad joke

Actually it does change things if he’s offering some 1-1 time

@RootinandTootin

He’s sort of my senior and a bit older (not married) so could be awkward. I definitely think I’m reading into it. I do fancy him but do you know when you’re not sure they fancy you back and you don’t want to make a massive twat out of yourself? Yes I sound 13, no I am not.

i think it was banter rather than flirting, but banter can be flirty. i wouldn't read too much into it but maybe take him up on his offer

Are you sure you want to flirt with one of your managers? If you fall out I bet you will face more disapproval than him. I wouldn't have dated within the same department when I was single, organisation yes, but only men I didn't work directly with.

@throwaway10000

Not flirty at all. It is a dad joke

This.

It’s not flirty at all. It’s actually a bit rude.

It could be either flirty or patronising. Is he normally a patronising person? If not, then a gently flirty reply can't hurt.

Maybe not exactly flirty but I can totally see what you are thinking.

He is using the excuse of 'are you sure you do not need help' to get to spend more time together.

Could be flirty. Not saying it’s good flirting technique but I can see why you’d think that, OP.
I wonder when was the last time that the people who don’t think it’s flirty flirted. I can see how a man might think it’s a good way to test the waters 🤷‍♀️

No.

I wouldn't say it's flirty, but chatty and laying the path for future potentially flirty discussions then yes possibly. If he asks for your personal number to arrange to help you with your IT problem watch out because unsolicited dick pics could be winging their way to you

Not at all flirty!

Not flirty at all, sorry - it's just following on from your previous usual "I'm terrible at IT" running joke.