Page 3 | Who gets which room??

Jamiefraserskilt · 06/11/2020 02:08

Small room small double (4')
10 year old has the bigger room.

GlowingOrb · 06/11/2020 02:17

I’d probably give the child there every weekend the bigger room.

Alternatively, older child could get bigger room
For 1 year and then they swap when older child either goes to university or enters the workforce because minor children should get room priority.

I would not consider girlfriend in room
planning at all, but I wouldn’t let a 17 year old
have his girlfriend spend the night to begin with.

Blueberries0112 · 06/11/2020 02:38

@inmyshoos

So the situation is....

My partner and I are moving in together. We both have kids that we share with our ex's. One child is 17 and has a girlfriend. They usually stay over alternate weekends. The other child is 10 and will stay every weekend. There is a room each but one fits a double bed the other smaller and fits a single. The teens need the double bed but aibu to think the child staying every weekend should have the bigger room?

I would give the 17 years old teen the most miserable room possible:) 1. He may be sexual active lol 2. You want to encourage him to move out and get his own place soon 3.) he doesn't come every weekend

Of course I am joking about the first two.... or maybe not

Blueberries0112 · 06/11/2020 02:41

Their relationship is not your problem though. I am sure she is lovely but maybe they should have to spend so much time together.

Mummyoflittledragon · 06/11/2020 03:00

@minipie

Well what’s the 17 year old going to do if you give them the small room? Share a single bed with his GF? No, he’s going to go stay at hers and you will never see him.

I agree with the suggestion to give the 17 yr old the larger room for a limited number of years - then the 10 yr old knows they will get it in time.

This. You say you want your 17 yo dss to stay with you when he’s around. So you’re going to need to give him comfort. As he just sleeps in the room, perhaps you could set the room up for your 10 yo dss to use when it’s not in use.

If you can get a double bed in the smaller room, or even a small double, I would give the bigger room to the 10 yo.

Sarahtops · 06/11/2020 03:34

Look at get laid beds. They do platform beds that are literally the size of the mattress. So, a small double would be 120cm wide by 190cm max.

If that would fit in the small rooom, I'd put the eldest in there. If not, put him in the biggest and allow the youngest to use it when the eldest is not there.

Perhaps give small room to youngest son as exclusively his, but then have bigger room as just a spare room - with tv in etc, that youngest son can use when it's not otherwise being used.

Blueberries0112 · 06/11/2020 03:37

@Sarahtops

Look at get laid beds. They do platform beds that are literally the size of the mattress. So, a small double would be 120cm wide by 190cm max.

If that would fit in the small rooom, I'd put the eldest in there. If not, put him in the biggest and allow the youngest to use it when the eldest is not there.

Perhaps give small room to youngest son as exclusively his, but then have bigger room as just a spare room - with tv in etc, that youngest son can use when it's not otherwise being used.

I like this. It would be like having his own gaming room

Whammyyammy · 06/11/2020 10:08

As they both don't live with you permanently and stay either each or alternate weekends, make the big room a double and small a single, but state they are just spare rooms and not for anyone's sole use.

The 10 year old can stay In which ever room suits when 17 year old not about, but on weekends when both there, 10 year old gets small room.

SingaporeSlinky · 06/11/2020 10:21

@2gorgeousboys

Not perfect but could the youngest have the double room but when the 17yo's girlfriend stays, he lets them use his room and the double bed? Does the girlfriend really stay over every time the eldest is staying?

That would mean the 10 year old essentially swapping rooms every other weekend. Not fair on them. Plus, the teens shagging in that bed, which the 10 year old then goes back to the next weekend is just wrong.

NellyJames · 06/11/2020 10:40

So neither of them live with you through the week, is that correct?
The 17yr old visits alternate weekends and the 10yr old every weekend. Does the 17yr old live with the other parent the rest of the time or are they studying/working elsewhere? If both are living with the other parent the majority of the time then I don’t think it matters too much. 10yr old presumably has a nice main bedroom at his other parent’s house so having a smaller weekend room will be perfectly fine. Give the 17yr old the double room and make the smaller room very nice for the 10yr old. Maybe he could help decorate it.

Ragwort · 06/11/2020 10:53

I can't believe you make your decision on a17 year olds sex life? . and how "long term and serious" can their relationship be?

I have a 19 year old DS, no way would I be facilitating his sex life with his GF, who is equally lovely and a really nice person ... fortunately neither would her parents.

Ragwort · 06/11/2020 10:54

Love the title of 'get laid' beds, must google that .

NellyJames · 06/11/2020 11:20

@Ragwort, why would you not facilitate the sex life if you’re adult child? Especially when really what you’re facilitating is their sleeping arrangements rather than whether they have sex or not. I can’t imagine saying to my adult children that they couldn’t have their partner sleep over. My eldest is 15 but when she reaches adulthood then of course she can bring partners home.

The point here is that neither of the boys live with the op full time. These will not be main bedrooms for either of them, just somewhere to sleep at weekends. With that in mind, you give the bigger room ergo the bigger bed to the 17yr old.

MrsScrubbingbrush · 06/11/2020 11:23

OP, which room is furthest away from yours? I'd give that one to teen DC and girlfriend - more 'privacy' for them and more 'peace & quiet' for you and DP😉

Nottherealslimshady · 06/11/2020 11:30

I think younger one because they have more stuff and stay more often. And will be staying over for longer. 17 year old is nearing the age they wont come for sleepovers anymore either by going to uni or moving in with girlfriend.
17 year old is only coming to sleep so they can see their girlfriend, I dont think they should get priority.
Either a small double or a sofa bed or pull out bed for 17yo in little room.

RattleOfBars · 06/11/2020 13:55

10 year old could have the bigger room as needs it more often.

17 year old doesn’t need to bring girlfriend over, let him have the smaller room and either discourage girlfriend or tell them to share a single bed!

Ragwort · 06/11/2020 14:21

Nelly because I don't believe it's the parents role to facilitate their child's sex life - and being pedantic a 17 year old is not an adult. I managed to have a healthy sex life as a young adult without bringing any boyfriends home. Of course if the adult child is in a serious, long term relationship with a live in partner that is different.

And, as a parent, how do you decide what is a "serious" relationship? Years ago a friend of mine with a teenage DD was prepared to be "cool", bought her DD a double bed, encouraged her DD to bring her BF home for the night .... that relationship ended and a series of new BFs took his place ... my friend ended up feeling really uncomfortable in her own home. Her comment to me was that she wished she just hadn't allowed shared bedrooms in the first place.

NellyJames · 06/11/2020 14:46

Ragwort, when I said adult child, I was referring to your 19yr old. Although a 17yr old having sex is also perfectly normal and legal.
But for me, when they’re an adult, they’re an adult and as long as it’s consensual, their sex life is none of my business. I have zero problem with partners staying over whether that’s one long term partner or many short term partners. It’s not about being cool at all. If they’re living here as adults then they’re entitled to live a full adult life and that includes their sex life.

LittleGwyneth · 06/11/2020 14:56

Pull out double in the smaller room?

Original poster

inmyshoos · 06/11/2020 15:36

I have no issues with my son having sex under my roof. Him and his gf are discreet and respectful. I wouldn't know if I didn't know iykwim.

I want my dc to grow up knowing sex is a healthy part of adult life. Not something they need to hide.

Going to try and fit a double in the small room. Currently 17yo ds sleeps in a single at mine and his gf has a single in the same room.... Which never seems to get slept in

OP posts:

TitianaTitsling · 06/11/2020 19:08

What does your dp who is father of the 10yo say? Surely it's not fully on you?

MrsSpringfield · 07/11/2020 11:04

""I have a 19 year old DS, no way would I be facilitating his sex life with his GF, who is equally lovely and a really nice person ... fortunately neither would her parents.""

For me, this mindset is just stupid.
They are 19 and more than likely having sex. Why on earth would you prefer them to be doing it in unknown- possibly risky places? Time to accept they are both consenting adults in a loving relationship. And sex is more than likely part of that. It doesn't need to be any of your business but you don't need to make it more difficult.

Original poster

inmyshoos · 08/11/2020 09:59

I agree @mrsSpringfield I want my dc to feel sex is a normal part of a loving adult relationship. Because it is.

OP posts:

midnightstar66 · 08/11/2020 10:04

Yes I think the older teen should have the bigger room while he's still visiting so regularly. I'm sure it won't be too long before that stops and the you get dc can inherit. Especially as it's just weekends younger dc is there rather than it being their primary home.

Besom · 08/11/2020 10:11

You could get one of those beds that turns into a seat. Not a futon cos they are crap but the click- clack ones. We have one in spare room and it is small double size.