Who is BU? Possible CF-ery over bill splitting

[IHaveAGreyLamp]

I’m interested in peoples opinions on how a restaurant bill should have been split as currently my family are 50/50 as to who is BU!

Last week my parents, DSis and her husband, toddler DD and I went for a family lunch.

DParents had two bottles of wine. BIL had four pints. DSis had a glass of Prosecco and then two glasses of wine from the wine on the table. I had one glass of Prosecco. DSis and my Dad had liqueur coffees also.

After a lovely meal, toddler DD got a bit fractious and tired. It was taking ages to get the bill so I asked if my parents would cover my bill so I could make a swift exit and that I’d pay them when I saw them again.

Yesterday I gave my mum £30, to cover my food and one Prosecco and also a bit towards a tip.

DM is now demanding an extra £15 because they ‘split’ the bill between the 5 of us. I don’t even mind splitting a bill evenly (even if someone people had more courses etc) but given that they all had a lot to drink and I didn’t, I don’t think I should be contributing to the booze that the rest of them had!

DSis and BIL doesn’t think it’s fair I should be made to pay for the drink, but my parents do. Usually if I’m out for a meal I will happily split it if things are fairly even, and if I’d had even just one glass of wine from the bottle I would have just split it without argument (I wouldn’t be whipping out the calculator to see how much I owed for one glass of wine from a bottle type of thing!) But I’m a bit miffed because if I’ve been drinking at dinner and others haven’t, I will always say it’s not fair for the non-drinkers to pay for alcohol and will usually insist that the drinks bill is sorted separately to the food bill.

What do you think? Should I have been funding their lunch time drinking and just sucked it up? Or are they being cheeky?

YABU- You should have accepted the splitting of the bill including the booze
YANBU- It’s unfair of them to expect you to pay for the booze when you didn’t have any

We usually pay for our adult dc if we eat out.
We’re retired with no mortgage so I hate taking money from them.
I certainly wouldn’t expect my dc to pay for my alcohol.

I can definitely see your point. I've been in this situation before and it's annoying. Next time just make sure u work out how much you owe before you leave and say I will transfer you or drop x amount of cash off for my part of the bill.

@Sexnotgender

I think the fact your parents had a bottle of wine each at lunch is insane but that’s not the point...

YANBU. Splitting bills evenly is only fine if everyone has had a similar amount of food/drink.

When someone has a starter and a glass of wine and someone else has 3 courses and a bottle of wine it’s crap. And funnily enough it’s always the 3 course bottle of winers that want an even split.

I thought that at first but it's badly worded. If dsis had two glasses of wine from the two bottles they've had just over a bottle between them. Still a lot mind.

Could you be really straight with them and ask what the extra £15 is for?

Tell them you had the set menu for £17.95, one coffee at £2.50 and a Prosecco at £6.50. That comes to £26.95. You added on 10% tip (taking it to £29.65) and rounded up.

...so why do they think you owe an additional £15?

If the other couple agree with you, get them to pay it..they necked the booze

Take it off their Xmas gift, they won't know, but you will feel better.

I'd have said that your Dsis and BIL should pay your parents an extra £7.50, what it would be if they split the bill after you had paid your £30. If they bought more alcohol for your parents later then your parents are being serious CFs wanting more money from anyone though!

What is BU is letting £15 stand in the way of your relationship. If I were you, I'd pay my mum and mentally make a note to never let me be in the same situation again.

If sis agree with you, have they paid the extra alcohol appropriate amount when splitting the bill or 2/5 of the total bill? If the latter they should put their money where their mouth is & square it up with your mum & dad & back you up

@Warpdrive

What is BU is letting £15 stand in the way of your relationship. If I were you, I'd pay my mum and mentally make a note to never let me be in the same situation again.

But the DM is also putting £15 in the way of their relationship by asking for the extra money by assuming that the OP is happy to do an even split even though she consumed far less than they did and has less money than they do.

The DM could also let the £15 go and make a mental note to warn people in advance that she expects them to subsidise her piss up so they can put the extra money in.

Meh just think of all the times they paid for you as a kid

For us its usualy an argument when we go out with DM/F of us wanting to pay and them steadfastly refusing

I like to think I would notice if my adult child was eating and drinking less than the others ( and bringing food for toddler from home and SAHM) and not pursue £15). I would want to be paying for my family- assuming family meals out are not a very regular occurrence!

Meh just think of all the times they paid for you as a kid

Yes, think of all the times your parents paid for you, their responsibility. 🙄

I have been hard up now I'm not and I remember how grateful I was when we were treated to a meal out by either sets of parents Because of this we always try to pay for our family meals, and I am really finding this thread sad. Sometimes the kids do jump in and pay or often the first to arrive will buy a round of drinks. But we neither want nor expect this.
I don't think the OP should pay and I think her parents should be ashamed of themselves. If they need to ask their daughter for £15 they should be re-evaluating their spending habits and cutting down on the booze would be a good place to start, their livers will thank them.

OP,

Awful behaviour from your mother.

That is some amount of day time drinking they do.

@LannieDuck

Could you be really straight with them and ask what the extra £15 is for?

Tell them you had the set menu for £17.95, one coffee at £2.50 and a Prosecco at £6.50. That comes to £26.95. You added on 10% tip (taking it to £29.65) and rounded up.

...so why do they think you owe an additional £15?

I second this. OP paid for her meal, drinks plus a tip. Why should she pay an extra £15 to cover her DP’s piss up?

@BarbaraofSeville totally agree, both should just let it go. The 'winner' here is the one who does it first IMO.

My parents would have covered the whole bill, or if my husband was there split it with him, as he was the highest earner at the table (depending on who invited whom, he may also have covered the whole bill). If my sisters had been there they would have been paid for by my parents.
I think it's very petty for your mother to chase you for £15.

Pat the £15 and tell them you are never going out with them for a meal again.

you parents sound stingy to me do they ever pay their way

@Elsewyre

Meh just think of all the times they paid for you as a kid

For us its usualy an argument when we go out with DM/F of us wanting to pay and them steadfastly refusing

my dad does this ive spend loads on you and your sisters over the years

yes i know but dd i ask him to have children and then throw it back in my face

In the situation where one or more aren't drinking I would always split the food bill and the drinkers split the drink on top.
In my group is often the same people who are the non drinkers so it doesn't even out

I don’t understand your mum asking. It’s not the way many of us have been used to. I’d fight to pay first or my dad would sneak and pay. She knows you’re a sahm so probably not flush and she’s asking you to cover her booze. Weird.