Who is BU? Possible CF-ery over bill splitting

[IHaveAGreyLamp]

I’m interested in peoples opinions on how a restaurant bill should have been split as currently my family are 50/50 as to who is BU!

Last week my parents, DSis and her husband, toddler DD and I went for a family lunch.

DParents had two bottles of wine. BIL had four pints. DSis had a glass of Prosecco and then two glasses of wine from the wine on the table. I had one glass of Prosecco. DSis and my Dad had liqueur coffees also.

After a lovely meal, toddler DD got a bit fractious and tired. It was taking ages to get the bill so I asked if my parents would cover my bill so I could make a swift exit and that I’d pay them when I saw them again.

Yesterday I gave my mum £30, to cover my food and one Prosecco and also a bit towards a tip.

DM is now demanding an extra £15 because they ‘split’ the bill between the 5 of us. I don’t even mind splitting a bill evenly (even if someone people had more courses etc) but given that they all had a lot to drink and I didn’t, I don’t think I should be contributing to the booze that the rest of them had!

DSis and BIL doesn’t think it’s fair I should be made to pay for the drink, but my parents do. Usually if I’m out for a meal I will happily split it if things are fairly even, and if I’d had even just one glass of wine from the bottle I would have just split it without argument (I wouldn’t be whipping out the calculator to see how much I owed for one glass of wine from a bottle type of thing!) But I’m a bit miffed because if I’ve been drinking at dinner and others haven’t, I will always say it’s not fair for the non-drinkers to pay for alcohol and will usually insist that the drinks bill is sorted separately to the food bill.

What do you think? Should I have been funding their lunch time drinking and just sucked it up? Or are they being cheeky?

YABU- You should have accepted the splitting of the bill including the booze
YANBU- It’s unfair of them to expect you to pay for the booze when you didn’t have any

You paid for what you ordered, you obviously shouldn’t also have to foot the bill for things they ordered too.

Find it so bizarre when family members squabble over money like this. I would be really shocked if my own Mother demanded extra money from me in such a petty way.

It's outrageous to tell somebody after the event that you've decided that the bill should have been split, so they owe you extra.

For all you know, they might not have really observed how much everybody had (a bottle of wine each will do that for you), taken the receipt home and then soberly gone through it with a calculator to see whether they will be better off demanding a retrospective split or keeping quiet about it.

I suppose they might also be thinking that they subbed your DD (or pretending that they think you got two full meals into the bargain) without taking account of her age and that she ate none of the restaurant food.

Yanbu. Why on earth do they think it's ok for you to subsidise their piss up? That's just bizarre

I agree with you, your DSis and BIL. By asking you to pay more they effectively are asking you to subsidise their drinking.

I’d also say you knew the bill would be split evenly. There is no way you didn’t. So doing a runner and then taking rhe argument later was poor behaviour.

Next time take cash and put your contribution in before you leave. You shouldn't have to pay for the booze of others

@hedgehogger1

Next time take cash and put your contribution in before you leave. You shouldn't have to pay for the booze of others

Exactly. Either leave the cash or make it clear what you’re paying. It would not have delayed you. As said rhe op knew the family will split it equally, that will be their normal practice.

There is nothing wrong with deciding you want to pay only your share. But you need to say this. Not fuck off out of it and do it by the back door.

YANBU, they had a lot of drink, very cheeky to expect you to cover that

@MumChats

I agree with you, your DSis and BIL. By asking you to pay more they effectively are asking you to subsidise their drinking.

Yes exactly this- it’s paying for their boozing that I object to!

They all went to a couple of other bars afterwards and BIL bought one round for £30 and then DSis bought another round for £50 (cocktails). Parents did not contribute. DSis is pretty annoyed with them for demanding the extra £15 from me when they were having ‘free ‘ drinks all afternoon courtesy of DSis and BIL!

Just tell them in future you no longer wish to split the bill evenly at family occasions but will only pay for what you order.

I always split the bill. For me it's swings and roundabouts. Yes it's annoying when someone has had a filet mignon and you've had a bowl of pasta but that's the price you pay for having a group lunch/dinner.

That works if nobody is trying to take advantage and each person will sometimes have dearer meals, sometimes cheaper ones. But why should you have to pay extra for the honour of having a group meal when others get that pleasure and get to pay less every time? You'd never go with a friend to the supermarket, one of you get a trolley-full for the fortnight and the other pick up a few bits, and then suggest splitting the total down the middle - much less just expect it.

Nit picking over bills when out for a group meal irritates me.

I"m of the split the bill equally and it will all come out in the wash brigade.

But then I can afford to be down £15. When I'm out with friends with children we always split by adult..... got burned by that one at the weekend as my friends teens demolished a huge pizza each and then had dessert! Lucky I love them.

It annoys me when people quibble over a couple of quid but £15 is a lot of money to sub when you're on a budget. Sometimes people forget at the end of a meal and just absentmindedly agree to split the bill. But when you've pointed out how much less your meal cost they should appreciate that and not demand extra from you.

@Bluntness100

I’d also say you knew the bill would be split evenly. There is no way you didn’t. So doing a runner and then taking rhe argument later was poor behaviour.

Er no I didn’t know the bill wasn’t going to be split evenly because why should anyone expect to be subsidizing other people’s drinking? I was hardly ‘doing a runner’ with the intention of not paying! What a bizarre response!

If you paid for exactly what you ordered and the difference is so much more then I’d personally be a bit embarrassed asking you to pay more - it makes it obvious splitting the bill 5 ways wasn’t fair on you .

YANBU. Just stop talking to them about it. You've covered your meal and drinks and haven't asked them to subsidise your lunch. So as far as you're concerned the matter is closed.

I’d have assumed this wasn’t the first time you went out with them op. And you knew how the bill was usually split. I stand corrected. If there is no precedent, then it would have been better to clarify how it would be split before you left.

The whole drinking for free thing though, I can’t imagine thinking that about my friends or family, I guess we are all different. I suspect though your parents odd attitude to money is very similar to yours.

@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll

I always split the bill. For me it's swings and roundabouts. Yes it's annoying when someone has had a filet mignon and you've had a bowl of pasta but that's the price you pay for having a group lunch/dinner.

That works if nobody is trying to take advantage and each person will sometimes have dearer meals, sometimes cheaper ones. But why should you have to pay extra for the honour of having a group meal when others get that pleasure and get to pay less every time? You'd never go with a friend to the supermarket, one of you get a trolley-full for the fortnight and the other pick up a few bits, and then suggest splitting the total down the middle - much less just expect it.

Well lucky for you that you can afford that. Plenty of people can afford to eat out if they have the pasta, but not a share of someone else's filet mignon or piss up.

Especially galling when they've stuck to the pasta and one drink and then are asked for £30 split to cover £15 of pasta, single drink and tip.

Or are you saying that watching someone else eat a meal that you can't afford yourself so don't order is something that you should be expected to contribute towards?

OP, was it an expensive place? £30 sounds like a lot for lunch, one drink and a tip.

@DelilahfromDevon

I always split the bill. For me it's swings and roundabouts. Yes it's annoying when someone has had a filet mignon and you've had a bowl of pasta but that's the price you pay for having a group lunch/dinner.

In your case, pay the bill this time - don't fall out over £15 unless you really can't afford to be out of pocket, but don't go out with them again. Or if you do go again, lay down the boundaries before the lunch (eg I'm happy to split the food bill but I'm not drinking so can drinks be excluded etc)

I absolutely agree and over the years it has been swings and round abouts and I generally don’t quibble over bills when out with my parents. I don’t suddenly turn until a forensic account and work things out down the last penny.

But there is a difference between paying £30 or £45 for a lunch when the majority of that difference is booze

YANBU at all. Bill-splitting is mad unless everyone's having roughly the same.

I'm a main course, glass of tap water and cup of coffee gal. Like hell would I pay for someone else's three courses and booze-up.

YANBU, this is absolutely one of my pet hates. I have friends who booze it up at lunches/dinners then expect everyone to be ok with splitting the bill evenly - feels like the height of bad manners when it seems like people are taking the piss. I would pay the extra this time but next time make it known that you will only be paying your bit.

My parents would never ask me to pay anything towards a meal if we went out but with friends we normally just pay for ourselves and get separate bills

I would just ask her why she thinks it’s acceptable for you to have to subsidise her daytime drinking when you’re a SAHM and being careful with money. I know it’s not worth falling out over, but that also doesn’t mean you should be a pushover and just hand over £15 when you know you could spend that money much better. I think she’s being ridiculous, especially since they got free drinks in the bar afterwards!

@BarbaraofSeville It was a nice-ish place. My lunch was two courses from a set menu which was £17.95, plus I had a coffee at £2.50 and Prosecco at £6.50. I don’t know how much my parents tipped but they always do at least 10% so I actually gave a bit more than 10% of my meal for a tip

It is customary to split bill evenly unless agreed in advance, then you could have your own bill. Suggest you do that going forward and it avoids any problems

With that said, I do think it petty for your parents to insist on the £15. That’s not a lot of money and to cause family discord over £15 seems very petty