To feel ashamed of my past and sad about my life

[NoelleGallagher]

I'm 27 with a preschooler and a baby, both by different fathers, neither of whom are involved. I had a rough childhood and did badly at school, haven't achieved any qualifications, etc. I've never had a proper, serious relationship. We live in a very run down flat, I'm on benefits and can't drive. I love my kids so much that my heart physically hurts and want more for them. I also want more for myself but deep down feel that I don't deserve it. My friends tell me I'm attractive but I have no self confidence, I don't see why any man would want to be with me. At the moment I am trying to regain control by paying back debt which in about 2 years, should hopefully mean we can move to a better property. I have aims of starting college but everything seems so uncertain and muddled with Covid. Mostly, I'm really lonely and feel inferior to everyone else.

Well it looks like your going to continue down this path for some time yet and still be nowhere at the end of it- Your problem is you I’m afraid, you don’t seem to realise that your the solution to your problem, not some man! This isn’t a fairy tale...this is real life and you have to sort it out yourself.

I can understand the lonely part- but that’s part and parcel of life and it won’t be forever, just remember that.

Paying off debt and going college sounds good! Keep it up, and try to ensure your kids do well at school and try to avoid pit falls, like debt, relying on partners, having a job etc.

You don't sound like an unworthy person at all OP, you sound really engaging and clever, and articulate from your post. You sound like someone that has a lot to offer society, and a partner too (if you wanted one!) I think your children are really lucky to have you and I'm sure they think so too. Getting out of debt is incredibly daunting and difficult so well done you for making a plan and sticking to it. And for furthering your education, you should be proud. To me you sound like you have loads going for you, so don't be down on yourself x

Sorry for some reason I read 'science' instead of RE...clearly need my eyesight checking!! Either way you're clearly clever and would do well in any course I think.

Not sure why so many ppl seem to think you feel you need a man though..

You honestly do not want to add a man into this. You need an education and everything will come from there. I know it's so difficult at the moment but does the college offer anything online?

OP the fact that you haven't hung around with deadbeat men trying to make a relationship work is a good thing, not a bad thing. You are a loving mum to two kids and are bringing them up on your own without support. You should be proud of yourself.

Please be kind to yourself, focus on improving your self-esteem. Focus on your goal of going to college. Look after your kids and love them. And give yourself a bloody big pat on the back.

OP, I was you a few years ago, you can do this!

Do an Access course at college, that is essentially A level equivalents that will allow you to go to Uni. You don’t need any exams to get on one. If your maths is lacking they can offer classes alongside the course (this is actually what I did, gained GCSE maths alongside the course).

Then I did a degree and am now doing a similar job to social work. When I had my interview for the job I was up against people with a ton of experience, better qualifications etc. But one of the ladies who interviewed me told me later that my life experience and attitude were the reasons I got the job over some other candidates.

My DC are all grown up now but it is a huge source of pride for them that I studied, got a good job etc. They said it also inspired them to do well in their lives. You sound like a great mum and you can make a good life for yourself and your kids. It’s hard work but so worth it.

You are doing very well, your kids are happy and healthy and safe!

As far as you, speak with your advisor at the job centre, there's fully funded online courses (I've just enrolled) which you can do to get your skills and qualifications, they have been so helpful to me. If you can spend maybe 5 hours a week studying (nap time/electronic babysitter) then once your baby is 2 you can get the 2 year old funding for nursery and be ready to read your potential.

I haven't RTFT but just want to say OP you are young and the world is your oyster. I would highly recommend an access course or OU. Don not for one second think your worth is measured by the presence of a man in your life.

Thank you all so much for the support. I'm feeling very inspired and a million times better than I was feeling last night. I will be checking out the links provided and the open uni courses etc once my little ones are in bed.

Amy Childs from TOWIE is a single mum with 2 young children by 2 different men who both left her very quickly. Think one of the dads is in prison. I'm sure she was the last person to expect to end up in that type of situation. I've been a single mum for years, just keep going OP

Also, stay away from men for the next few years and put you and your kids first. 5 years from now you won't recognise yourself with all you managed to achieve.