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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to go back to work!

71 replies

schafernaker · 04/11/2020 10:59

I gave birth to our 2nd DD in the height of lockdown. We’ve had a lovely 6 months at home, along with 2 year old toddler, but with a 2nd lockdown starting I’ve suggested to DH I go back to work soon. The plan was initially to not go back until March/April time. I’m a little worried about my own mental health with only the 2 of them for company and with DH working long days.

I’m a key worker so I can’t imagine it’ll be a problem wanting to go back, probably part time initially, my boss is really quite supportive. DH isn’t keen and is citing childcare as an issue, again we can get them both into nursery to cover these days as DD is already there and I know they have space.

My mum has given me the ‘I know what it’s like being at home with kids’ talk this morning, but doesn’t seem to accept that the issue isn’t the kids, it’s being locked down.

Everyone seems to think it’s a bad idea, but I can’t see how if I manage to negotiate part time, we have always been very happy with the nursery DD1 goes to so I’m happy leaving DD2 there.

Is anyone else feeling similar? I mean I know work is going to be crazy, but I need something outside of baby talk, toddler crafts abs CBeebies

OP posts:
flaviaritt · 04/11/2020 11:11

Can it really not wait until March? 6 months is very young. I put my child in childcare at 9 months and have always regretted it.

Xyzzzzz · 04/11/2020 11:13

I put Dd in nursery at 6 months and felt better for it.

SleepingStandingUp · 04/11/2020 11:15

Op you do you.

Obv if your DH has concerns over putting the children in childcare, he can look at shared parental leave and he can have 3 months off with them.

Tombero · 04/11/2020 11:15

You need to do what feels right for you. It reads as though you will get a lot from going back part time now and that this will enable you to give your best self to your children.

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 04/11/2020 11:17

Part time sounds right for you and your family. Just because others regretted their choice, it doesn't mean that you will, in fact it sounds like it will do you the world of good.

Tonic54 · 04/11/2020 11:23

I have been thinking the same, I'm in a similar situation to you with toddler and 5month old. The only thing that is putting me off is that I remember when my DS went to nursery he was ill for about 6months with colds etc and if this happened now it would be covid tests and isolating etc stress and hoping by March it might have calmed down.

You should do what you think is right for you though. Its hard spending all day with two little ones and nice feeling productive and useful at work

Original poster
schafernaker · 04/11/2020 11:25

I think if we hadn’t spent all of DD2s life under covid restrictions I’d be feeling very different. DD1 went into nursery at 11 months old and I felt major mum guilt, this time I just feel like they may actually get more out of being in nursery for a few days, especially our older daughter, because as it stands we can only really go to the park and not socialise with other children.

😂 loving the suggestion of DH being at home with them, he’s just had half term and couldn’t get back to work quick enough

OP posts:
Original poster
schafernaker · 04/11/2020 11:27

@Tonic54 it’s really nice to hear off someone in the same position, hope you’re doing ok

OP posts:
flaviaritt · 04/11/2020 11:27

A baby isn’t going to notice ‘lockdown’. They’ll just be happy being near their primary caregiver.

Rotundandhappy · 04/11/2020 11:28

I went back to work and study when my baby was four months. You’re just as important a person as everyone else. Don’t suffer to appease others.

Original poster
schafernaker · 04/11/2020 11:39

@flaviaritt I know the baby won’t notice, but myself and the toddler do!

OP posts:
flaviaritt · 04/11/2020 11:42

I get it. Do what you think is best, obviously.

Dreambigger · 04/11/2020 11:45

I understand what you mean OP , being at home with them all day is hard. Could you wait till January ....that way you can plan for xmas and don't have to negotiate time off over the holidays. Do what you need for yourself, your children will be fine either way.

Findahouse21 · 04/11/2020 11:46

I'm going back to work in a few weeks, dd is 10 months old. In all honesty I would have been happy being back a couple of months ago I think. I love the poster who said 'you do you' and I think this sums it up perfectly. There will always been plusses and downsides but your feelings and emotions should be near the top of the pile, not the bottom, especially as you already know the nursery and like it

suziedoozy · 04/11/2020 11:48

My child went to nursery 3 days a week at 6 months, it was the best choice for both of us and provided a balance for me of work and motherhood.

You do you - whatever works and feels best for you do it

LilaButterfly · 04/11/2020 11:50

I understand that you feel like you need to get out. I have been a SAHM for many years. Children are 6 and 4 now and both in school/preschool at least half a day every day. It was never an issue and i loved being at home, having time to do everything, go out and socialise etc. I had no problem in the first lockdown. We have a nice garden, managed to entertain the kids outside and it was all nice and fun even though we didnt see people.
But ive had a major crisis a few weeks back. I just felt like i need to get out of there and away from the kids for some "me" time. I started browsing jobs on a bad day and actually found something that seemed very interesting and fit me. I applied and honestly didnt think it would lead to anything, because i havent been working in ages.
But i got the job and i couldnt be happier. I just started a couple weeks ago, but im feeling so much better about everything.
Your child is still very small, so its a little different, but i understand your feeling. If it makes you happy, go for it.

TokyoSushi · 04/11/2020 11:52

YANBU at all. If you can go part-time, do it. I am a much better mother when I am a working mother, I need balance in my life, and it seems you do too. You can't pour from an empty cup and all that...

nitsandwormsdodger · 04/11/2020 12:01

I had to put dd1 in childcare at 3 month due to finances and dd in childcare at 6 months for my mental health
Do what is right for you, if it stops being the right decision you can make adjustments later down the line set in stone
You work in a job where you are in high demand so don't have to worry about losing your position in the job market so do what's right for you and don't mind the nay sayers = happy mum = happy baby

SleepingStandingUp · 04/11/2020 12:04

@flaviaritt

A baby isn’t going to notice ‘lockdown’. They’ll just be happy being near their primary caregiver.
And of course the only person who matters is the 6 month old. Op your mental well-being doesn't matter, your sanity isn't important, what you need to do to look after you should be suppressed because you don't matter, you're just a Mom.

😂 loving the suggestion of DH being at home with them, he’s just had half term and couldn’t get back to work quick enough
Seriously, if you can keep a straight face tell him you've been thinking about what he said and you have a suggestion. Then make him explain why not. Then tell him he understands you going back then.

nitsandwormsdodger · 04/11/2020 12:09

flaviaritt
Two guilt trippy posts is two too many

flaviaritt · 04/11/2020 12:13

And of course the only person who matters is the 6 month old. Op your mental well-being doesn't matter, your sanity isn't important, what you need to do to look after you should be suppressed because you don't matter, you're just a Mom.

That isn’t what I said or implied.

flaviaritt · 04/11/2020 12:13

nitsandwormsdodger

If people don’t want opinions they shouldn’t ask for them. The OP asked.

Swimgirl83 · 04/11/2020 12:15

Not quite in the same situation as I am currently pregnant with 2nd DC, but I already know I will be going back to work earlier with this one when it comes to (all being well of course)

I struggled being off with DD1 and that was without a lockdown. My mental health took a battering, and at 7.5 months I went to back to work full time and she went to nursery. Obviously had the usual mum guilt at that point, but actually looking back it was the best thing for all of us.

This time I am looking at going back after 6 months (possibly 5 - still working through the details) and looking at the option of going part time (but using annual leave to cover 2 days a week so effectively returning full time)

It's not for everyone, but as someone else said, you have to do whats right for you - not everyone else!

randomsabreuse · 04/11/2020 12:16

Baby will notice mum being bored and sad. If it's a nursery you are happy with I'd do it. It's often easier if you get them settled in childcare before peak separation anxiety anyway - so 6m can be easier than 12m

Heyahun · 04/11/2020 12:29

Go for it!

I'm planning on going back to work when my baby is 6months old too! We need the money tbh and I need it too as I've already been stuck at home most of this year - not doing it again all next year!