To want to go back to work!

[schafernaker]

I gave birth to our 2nd DD in the height of lockdown. We’ve had a lovely 6 months at home, along with 2 year old toddler, but with a 2nd lockdown starting I’ve suggested to DH I go back to work soon. The plan was initially to not go back until March/April time. I’m a little worried about my own mental health with only the 2 of them for company and with DH working long days.

I’m a key worker so I can’t imagine it’ll be a problem wanting to go back, probably part time initially, my boss is really quite supportive. DH isn’t keen and is citing childcare as an issue, again we can get them both into nursery to cover these days as DD is already there and I know they have space.

My mum has given me the ‘I know what it’s like being at home with kids’ talk this morning, but doesn’t seem to accept that the issue isn’t the kids, it’s being locked down.

Everyone seems to think it’s a bad idea, but I can’t see how if I manage to negotiate part time, we have always been very happy with the nursery DD1 goes to so I’m happy leaving DD2 there.

Is anyone else feeling similar? I mean I know work is going to be crazy, but I need something outside of baby talk, toddler crafts abs CBeebies

Part time work in a professional job is great..work less than you think though. So if you are thinking about working three days - just do two! Then the balance will be better.

I am also considering going back to work early. I think if baby groups were open or I could meet up with other people I wouldn't feel this way.
I'm sure sometimes my baby must be bored of being at home with just me and his dad and sisters. He also probably picks up on the fact I feel bored and lonely.
The nursery don't have space until January though so I'll be at home until then.
If you want to go back to work then you should be able to.

I had a baby during the last lockdown too and have gone back to work part time for this exact reason. she is in nursery two days a week, getting socialised with children her own age, and is experiencing new things that i cannot do with her in the house on my own, so i feel its good for us both.

if its right for you- def do it.

I’m very concerned about group care for an infant during Covid and it sounds like your husband has similar concerns. I would look into having him to a parenting leave so you can return to work.

I’m very concerned about group care for an infant during Covid

Why? What evidence is there that childcare is more dangerous during covid? The risk to young children is incredibly low.

@Daphnise

If you so need to get away from the children you've had, then no doubt it's best you do.

Oh at least own your disdain for women who work for any reasons other than to avoid abject poverty instead of the passive aggressive nonsense

If he's unhappy about having LO put in nursery to young, could you both go PT for a while?

Has he agreed to shared leave @schafernaker? He's going to love 4 weeks inside with the kids and nowhere to go

@SleepingStandingUp thanks, I was choosing to ignore @daphnise comments... I’m in awe of people who relish being locked away with 2 small children for 4 weeks, unfortunately I’m someone who enjoys the conversation and company of others, my working role involves an awful lot of interaction with others.

We had a long, long talk last night, apparently he didn’t realise I was finding the lockdown situation difficult and he’s agreed if work can facilitate it it will be best for all of us. As it stands I’m going to go in for a couple of mornings and take advantage of the childcare bubble, my mum (mid 50s) has offered to have the kids. Work have said they can facilitate pretty much any return I would like initially so will then probably look to go back 3 days in January. Very fortunate to have a flexible work place.

Shared parental leave is a little out of the window as DH is a teacher, he would be messing around groups of kids who already have had their education hit quite hard in the last few months.

@potter5

I went back to work full time when my son was 2 months as my husband had been made redundant. I was lucky, I had a brilliant childminder. Don't feel that either me or my son missed out.

Are you describing your husband as a childminder? Or did you pay a childminder to do childcare even though he was unemployed and could have done it?

@schafernaker I spent it locked down with 4 month old twins and a just turning 5 year old, now 10omth old twins and the big one is on school. Can I come and do a couple of days a week too? 🤣

I'd seriously look at shared maternity leave, your dh could take a few months off with them if he feels childcare is an issue for him. Otherwise paid childcare is the option even if it's expensive.

As for you going back to work, I did when my pair were little, for my own self worth and mental health there's no way I'd have survived being a sahp (no disrespect to anyone who is, it just wasn't for me). It would have been 100x worse if we'd been in lockdown too.

Pandemic or not, I'm self employed and go back to work very early. DS2 is 6 months next week and he's been doing 2 short days a week with my mum so I can work for ages, DS1 was the same. In America most mothers go back to work after 6 weeks and in the 80s my mother went back to work full time at 5mo.

If your mother and partner have issues with you not providing childcare they are more than welcome to step in!!

I went back to work at six months (actually a week before) with both of mine. It was fine. I went full time. I think it didn't do any harm to the dc. I'm usually home by 4pm anyway.

All my children went to nursery ft at 6mth when I returned to work ft
My advice is don’t ask or seek any one else opinion on return to work
You’ll hear a cacophony of shrill guilt from handwringing head tilting mother superior’s

cptartapp

^^

Exactly. You don't have to ask his permission. He can reduce his hours if he's so fussed?

@flaviaritt

Can it really not wait until March? 6 months is very young. I put my child in childcare at 9 months and have always regretted it.

I went back to work when my DD was just under 4mths old and she is fine. To be fair, my husband had shared parental leave until she was 8mths old so she only had a third party caregiver (grandparents) from then.

@LilaButterfly

I understand that you feel like you need to get out. I have been a SAHM for many years. Children are 6 and 4 now and both in school/preschool at least half a day every day. It was never an issue and i loved being at home, having time to do everything, go out and socialise etc. I had no problem in the first lockdown. We have a nice garden, managed to entertain the kids outside and it was all nice and fun even though we didnt see people. But ive had a major crisis a few weeks back. I just felt like i need to get out of there and away from the kids for some "me" time. I started browsing jobs on a bad day and actually found something that seemed very interesting and fit me. I applied and honestly didnt think it would lead to anything, because i havent been working in ages. But i got the job and i couldnt be happier. I just started a couple weeks ago, but im feeling so much better about everything. Your child is still very small, so its a little different, but i understand your feeling. If it makes you happy, go for it.

Massive congratulations!

@Daphnise

If you so need to get away from the children you've had, then no doubt it's best you do.

Wow. Don't make the OP feel guilty for valuing both herself and her children's needs. Whatever happened to supporting eachother?

I needed stimulation,approbation and adult company that I couldn’t get from babies
I happily skipped to work ft, and yes I needed time away from my kids
They weren’t enough. I needed work and family

Do whatever feels right for you. It is alright your DH saying you should stay at home but he is out all day so doesn't know what it is like to be locked down with just toddlers for company. If you are happy with your nursery there is no reason to stay home every day if it is getting to you.