To think DH is careless?

[PegasusReturns]

I’m doing a bit of online Christmas shopping and I’ve realised that so much of what I buy DH is to replace stuff that he has lost/damaged.

The watch that was left beside the pool on holiday; the jumper that was shoved in the tumble dryer; the guitar that were left in the garden and not retrieved before it was damaged; the whiskey glasses that are out in the dishwasher and go cloudy...

It’s an endless list of stuff that has been lost or damaged. On the one hand it means I don’t need to think too hard about gifts but I find the carelessness dismissive. AIBU or is it normal for people to be so laid back about belongings?

YANBU.

Accidents happen but it is a catalogue of carelessness that grates. Why bother having nice things if you don’t take care of them?

Neither of you are being unreasonable exactly - it’s just different personality types. My DH is more like you and I’m more like your DH. He calls me slapdash and I can him anal, but otherwise we rub along together ok

@SocialBees I wouldn’t call myself anal but I’m careful enough with belongings not to leave an expensive watch by the pool

Has it always been that stuff is just replaced for him if he is careless?

Although if he doesn't cae about something enough to look after it-why replace it?

I think if this is the biggest problem you have with your DP it's hardly a tragedy. I mean, yes ideally he'd be more careful, but everyone is different. I couldn't get myself too worked up about it.

Yeah I wouldn’t replace his belongings if he’s been careless, buy him bombproof stuff or alcohol

He does sound rather careless.

Is most of it not his stuff though? If so then let him wreck it and replace it.

I do put the whiskey glasses in the dishwasher too. They are the cut glass tumbler variety. I find that with the rinse aid topped up every week they don't go cloudy.

Has he asked for it to be replaced?

If he always gets stuff replaced for him, what incentive does he have to look after it?

If he doesn't care about his things getting ruined, why replace them?

I don't think that I would replace them, and would buy something else.
I would maybe buy another jumper though, just because that is the sort of thing you do replace from time to time!
If I did replace them, I would buy the cheapest possible alternatives.

I replace them because it’s traditional to buy gifts to celebrate birthdays/Christmas he’d be careless with whatever I bought, replacements or not.

It just feels disrespectful somehow, like he knows I’ll be responsible for replacing whatever had got damaged so he doesn’t have to bother.

Cheap and nasty for him I think.

Carelessness grates on me.

His next set of whisky glasses would be coming from IKEA. It would grate on me buying anything decent.

Much cheaper watch, much cheaper everything...

My dh has lost many of the gifts I’ve gotten for him over the years, things he asked for and genuinely liked, one extremely expensive. It’s carelessness, and I don’t do these kinds of gifts any more!

My exdh is the same. I call him wreck it Ralph. Once he has something he couldn’t give to shits about it. Cars, expensive clothes, expensive sunglasses, cuff links.

YANBU.

I went through a phase of losing expensive sunnies, so I stopped by expensive sunnies.

Once I realised that I had managed not to lose a pair of sunglasses that I’d had for a long time. I bought some nicer ones which I then sat on and broke but let’s not go there.

He is being careless, so clearly can’t be trusted with nicer stuff. Just get him cheaper things until he gets better at looking after them.

• stopped buying...

I am amazed that people don't put glasses in the dishwasher and also that people own whiskey glasses.

My son is like this so any gifts for him are never top of the range anything now.

If i bought the stuff for him in the first place i would be annoyed, it's such a waste of money. I wouldn't replace them, and i wouldn't ever buy him 'good' stuff for presents. It's not the worst character flaw though, my dh is very fussy about his things and i find that annoying.

Do cloudy whisky glasses make them unusable?

I don't get the people saying that he has no need to care if he just gets them replaced. It's not comparable to a careless child. Even if OP and DH keep finances separate, so it isn't family money buying the replacements for broken/lost things.

If he's getting them for birthday or Christmas presents, surely he would realise that he could have had additional nice things, as well as the earlier ones, if he'd looked after them. It's hardly the most exciting thing to receive special presents which are identical to last year's, so you end up with one special present for two Christmases instead of two lovely things.