To think DH is careless?

[PegasusReturns]

I’m doing a bit of online Christmas shopping and I’ve realised that so much of what I buy DH is to replace stuff that he has lost/damaged.

The watch that was left beside the pool on holiday; the jumper that was shoved in the tumble dryer; the guitar that were left in the garden and not retrieved before it was damaged; the whiskey glasses that are out in the dishwasher and go cloudy...

It’s an endless list of stuff that has been lost or damaged. On the one hand it means I don’t need to think too hard about gifts but I find the carelessness dismissive. AIBU or is it normal for people to be so laid back about belongings?

@PegasusReturns

I’m doing a bit of online Christmas shopping and I’ve realised that so much of what I buy DH is to replace stuff that he has lost/damaged.

The watch that was left beside the pool on holiday; the jumper that was shoved in the tumble dryer; the guitar that were left in the garden and not retrieved before it was damaged; the whiskey glasses that are out in the dishwasher and go cloudy...

It’s an endless list of stuff that has been lost or damaged. On the one hand it means I don’t need to think too hard about gifts but I find the carelessness dismissive. AIBU or is it normal for people to be so laid back about belongings?

Replace it with cheap shit, then you wont care so much!

Being careless or careful with your own stuff is just a different way of approaching life. Not having to think about stuff is a luxury that some people put over the luxury of having nice things stay nice.

If he does so in a way that means he takes a lot more of family resources or that damages other people’s stuff that’s wholly different from being careless with his own stuff, though.

What is unreasonable is to expect people to change their behaviour so you feel good about the presents you buy them. Change what you get him if the way he is makes you feel unappreciated. Maybe make it something that’s more appropriate to a careless personality so that when he leaves by the pool or whatever you can look at it and smugly think “I knew I was right to go for the waterproof one!”

@june2007 yep I left it because I’m not his fucking mother. It’s not my job to pick up after him.

I reminded him it was there - which frankly is more than I should have to.

@BoomBoomsCousin it’s not about me wanting to feel good about the presents I buy, just an expectation that anything we/I own is not treated carelessly.

Not putting down a dust sheet when painting a wall so the sofa gets paint on it; scratching my brand new car putting his bike on the roof rack.

And actually it’s not just being actively careless with stuff but also not following up when something breaks within warranty so that when it is eventually fixed the warranty has expired.

@Cocomarine

Yes it’s possibly spoilt to replace things that don’t strictly need replacing but I like having nice things. I never had nice things growing up. I didn’t have much at all. So I probably over compensate.

Weirdly DH also likes nice things. Just doesn’t take care to keep them nice.

it’s not about me wanting to feel good about the presents I buy, just an expectation that anything we/I own is not treated carelessly.

Not putting down a dust sheet when painting a wall so the sofa gets paint on it; scratching my brand new car putting his bike on the roof rack.

And actually it’s not just being actively careless with stuff but also not following up when something breaks within warranty so that when it is eventually fixed the warranty has expired.

Doing it with stuff that isn’t his is, as I said, wholly different. You’d only mentioned stuff that was his in the OP so it seemed reasonable to think it was limited to that, but doing it to your stuff and joint stuff is not the same, especially if he does it to your stuff and thinks you shouldn’t be bothered because he isn’t.

But his approach isn’t objectively wrong. It’s just different to yours. (Assuming, that is, he is happy to have things damaged or lost if it means he doesn’t have to think about stuff so much. If he is annoyed by it and expects others to do the work of looking after stuff so he doesn’t have to then he’s very, very unreasonable). Lots of people are happier with some amount of carelessness and prefer taking the risk and having less stuff or less nice stuff to having to constantly think about the maybes - which they can find stressful and makes life less enjoyable.

I don’t think that means you just have to put up with his standard, though. You need some kind of agreement on a reasonable compromise or way of handling it for joint stuff.

You say you didn't have much growing up; was his family better off? Doing things like leaving a Rolex by the pool and leaving a guitar out in the rain (😱) seems like wealth privilege to me. As if he's so wealthy and spoiled that he doesn't appreciate the value of his luxury belongings. I'm sure someone with very little money who was gifted or could later afford such things would be more careful with them.

I'd be angry if it was my DH; about the expensive things anyway (watch, guitar, sofa) but not so much the jumper or whiskey glasses.

I would buy him a cheap watch. Then you won't mind if he loses it.

I have a child that manages to lose loads of stuff. In spring term he lost PE shorts, 2 sweatshirts one trainer and countless pens, pencils and a water bottle. Last winter he lost his new coat after just one week. All clothing has name labels in. He is 14 so not 5.

Do you actually like him, OP? It doesn't sound like it!

@AnotherEmma you’d think that wouldn’t you? But no he had less than me.

As other have suggested maybe it is just a completely different personality type. Still drive me mad!

@ZorbaTheHoarder what on earth makes you say that?!

Is he forgetful in other ways or disorganised? Is he clumsy?

Hats off to you - I wouldn't bother buying him anything.
I hate waste.