To refuse to change childminder

[randomperson9]

Me and a colleague at work both had a child around the same time, their child is 6m older than mine so she was back to work before me. I live 40 minutes from work, she lives in the same place. When I went back to work I put my son in a nursery near where I live as my husband was doing the pick up everyday. My son didn't settle and I wasn't happy with where he was. Colleague used a childminder in the same town where she lives and we both work. When I told her about looking to move him she said he childminder had a space and recommended her. So I got in touch, loved the childminder and moved my son. He's so much happier, I'm happier and everything was great.

Until colleague had child number 2! The childminder only has 2 pre school places in the day time so now can't have colleagues other child when she returns to work. So colleague has asked me to look for another provision as she wants to send both her children to this childminder. I've said no, my child is settled and happy and I don't want to move them. She said if I have another child I'd have to move them anyway. I said I wasn't planning anymore yet so that wasn't an issue for me. Her argument is that Childcare is hard to find in the local area and I have more options where I live than she does. But I don't want to disrupt my son when he's settled and risk keep moving him around.

AIBU to refuse to move my child?

She's bonkers!

Nope, YANBU. If you hadn't taken the space, it would have been taken by a stranger who is hardly going to give it up to suit your colleague.

She’s crazy! Don’t move your son.

Absolutely not!

Yes, you did nothing wrong and your child is settled, but I feel so sorry for her. By trying to help you, she out herself in a very shitty position.

I expect she'll think twice at helping in the future.

She is bonkers. If you hadn't taken that place then it is likely someone else would have - would she be asking them to move too? I'd just keep repeating "my son is happy and settled and I won't be moving him".

Ha ha ha. There is no one on this world I like enough to give them my children's childminders place.
There are people I put ahead of my own convenience. There is no one I'd put before my own kids.

Don't move your child. I'm sure your childminder would not want you to move because another parent say you should for their convenience!

The childminder (assuming they are in England) can actually take the new baby. It's called continuity of care and it allows a new baby to join their siblings at the existing childcare even if it causes normal ratios to be exceeded. Your childminder could do this if she wanted. If she's saying there's no space it may well be because she doesn't want to have the new baby - which is entirely her prerogative.

Would she be asking another parent who had taken the place to move their child? No course she wouldn’t be! She is only doing it cause she knows you. It’s her problem not yours.

YANBU! She’s mad to
Think it was even acceptable to suggest you move your child!

Yanbu at all. Don't give it any more thought.

@dontdisturbmenow I'm not sure that's right. OP says that childcare is hard to find near them so it's highly likely that the place would have gone to someone else. The childminder wouldn't have kept it open on the off chance that OP's colleague had a second.

No, you're not, but has she actually spoken to the childminder, because I'd be surprised if she couldn't get a sibling exemption, especially now

I can understand her wishing she hadn't mentioned it, but she's being silly because unless she'd come to some agreement with the childminder, the childminder would have taken on another baby anyway.

It was stupid if her to wait until she'd had her second, finished her maternity & due back at work to sort this out.

Plus, the childminder might not have wanted both her kids anyway! In general it makes life a little easier, but right now there's more security in not having all your eggs from (in) one basket!!

No way should you move your DS from a good childminder, where he's happy. Mad bat!!

Nope YANBU she'll have to move her kid instead since shes the one that had another kid without planning childcare. Not your problem

Every time I read a cheeky fucker story on here I think "I've read it all"

I hadn't. This is it. Ultimate CFery

She is being unreasonable.
She's asked , you've said no.
If your child is happy and settled do not move him to suit her

Of course YANBU

If you hadn’t taken the space the CM would’ve found another child to take it, especially if childcare is hard to find in the area. So your colleague would be in exactly the same position now.

Madness to move a happy, settled child just for another family’s convenience!

It’s ridiculous that she would even ask you.
If you hadn’t taken the place, someone else would have!

What a ridiculous request - no is a full sentence

The childminder can't meet her needs so she needs to find an alternative. This is not your problem to solve! The cheek of her!

You’re definitely not being unreasonable and tell her you’re not discussing it any more if she raises it again. I’d also let your childminder know that she’s asked and you’ve refused, in case she tries to muddy the waters there.

No way should you move, had any other child taken 'your' slot (had you not taken i) wouldn't move for her and your colleague probably wouldn't dream of asking that other parent!

You should tell her she should definitely ask the childminder if she can take the baby under continuity of care policy. Perfectly reasonable request and I'd imagine most childminders would agree, particularly in these hard times.

What @Lindy2 said.

I’m a childminder and we can take on a sibling as continuity of care. I have been in this situation, I did say no and used it as an excuse to get rid of a difficult family. I’m not suggesting this is the case here, but all the childminders I know will try their best to accommodate families and children they like.

I would not be happy if one of my parents tried to make this arrangement with another parent, without asking me first.

Suggest that she ask the childminder about the exception for continuity of care. The childminder has to be able to demonstrate that she's still providing good enough care if she has more than three, so she has the right to say no - it may depend on the balance of ages she would have.

Point out that if you hadn't taken that place, somebody else would have; you've not taken a place her child would have been guaranteed.

It probably was worth her mentioning that she is in difficulties because the childminder has no place - in case you happened to be considering a change anyway - it would have been very annoying for her to move her child only to discover a few weeks later that you were moving yours. However asking you to move your child is not reasonable.

Continuity of care policy applies in Scotland too - they'd need to apply for a variation here but taking on a younger sibling is a very common reason