To refuse to change childminder

[randomperson9]

Me and a colleague at work both had a child around the same time, their child is 6m older than mine so she was back to work before me. I live 40 minutes from work, she lives in the same place. When I went back to work I put my son in a nursery near where I live as my husband was doing the pick up everyday. My son didn't settle and I wasn't happy with where he was. Colleague used a childminder in the same town where she lives and we both work. When I told her about looking to move him she said he childminder had a space and recommended her. So I got in touch, loved the childminder and moved my son. He's so much happier, I'm happier and everything was great.

Until colleague had child number 2! The childminder only has 2 pre school places in the day time so now can't have colleagues other child when she returns to work. So colleague has asked me to look for another provision as she wants to send both her children to this childminder. I've said no, my child is settled and happy and I don't want to move them. She said if I have another child I'd have to move them anyway. I said I wasn't planning anymore yet so that wasn't an issue for me. Her argument is that Childcare is hard to find in the local area and I have more options where I live than she does. But I don't want to disrupt my son when he's settled and risk keep moving him around.

AIBU to refuse to move my child?

DO. NOT. MOVE. YOUR. CHILD! She does not have rights over the childminder - you're equally entitled to keep your child there, particularly if he is happy and settled.

Not a chance would I do that!

let her move HER child to a childminder that has spaces for 2 children

She seems a bit mad, if you didn't take the spot, someone else would have. Would she be asking someone to put her needs first.

Amazing - yanbu yanbu. Your colleague otoh is horrendous!

I’d also be a bit miffed if I was the childminder that a client was deciding who I’d choose to look after, she’s not a possession to be passed around!

@dontdisturbmenow

Yes, you did nothing wrong and your child is settled, but I feel so sorry for her. By trying to help you, she out herself in a very shitty position.

I expect she'll think twice at helping in the future.

That's not true though is it, because the childminder wouldn't have kept the place open just in case the other child had a sibling soon. They'd have filled the gap with another child regardless.

OP, if your colleague wants her kids with the same person (which obviously she will - and fair enough) she either finds someone with two places, or she opts for a nursery with a baby room.

If you son is settled, don't move him.

Hahahaha
Ask her to hang around at the next collection and ask one of the other parents. She’s mad to think this is even an option!

Yanbu. Don't move child.

But it will also be childminders decision surely? She might want to keep two children as more income than your one? I think either childminder or parent just has to give notice in contract.

You're not unreasonable, op. It's an unfortunate set of circumstances but you cannot be expected to uproot your child for her new one - which she hasn't had yet anyway. I suggest she asks. the childminder if she knows another one in the vicinity.

YANBU

If she'd wanted a space for any future children she should have paid the childminder double to keep the place free!

I can see what this causes a problem for her - but that is hardly your fault. It was reasonable for her to ask you to move your child, but not reasonable for her to cause problems for you when you said "no".

Her childcare issues are not your problem and she has weird boundary issues if she thinks they are!

@dontdisturbmenow

Yes, you did nothing wrong and your child is settled, but I feel so sorry for her. By trying to help you, she out herself in a very shitty position.

I expect she'll think twice at helping in the future.

No, this isn't correct. If she hadn't helped OP, then someone else would have taken the space. That person is no more likely to be able to give up the place than OP is.

Nope, YANBU, when I had DC2 I had to find separate childcare for them as the childminder I was using didn't have space for another child, that was no other parents issue but mine. It's her problem and she's being mental!

She’s bonkers.

There is no one I would sacrifice my kids’ spaces at their lovely CM for.

I’d actually raise it with the CM in a kind of heads up conversation, just to make her aware. I’d make it clear that you were committed to your space with her and that you valued the relationship she’d built with your dc. Regardless of whether or not your colleague tried to push it further, it would still be nice feedback to get!

It’s tough shit basically. I wouldn’t move

YANBU

YANBU

😂 this is hilarious. I actually think I might have cracked up laughing when she asked

Ooo I didn't know about the sibling thing. I will tell her that although technically the childminder could take her child as they can usually have 3. She chooses to only have 2.
I've no idea if she has even asked the childminder before asking me, I didn't really make conversation over it as I wasn't prepared to consider her request. But then I wondered if I was being stubborn, but clearly not!

I do get why she asked - of course it would be easier for her to have both children with the same childminder - but you've said no and that's perfectly reasonable. As others said, the space wouldn't have been held for her and she's only asking you because she knows you. If the space had been taken by a stranger she would be in the same position.

Don't tell the childminder about the siblings rule. It's not really your place to get involved.

I would refer her back to the childminder every time she asks: it's the childminder's decision to make and you don't even need to get involved.

@makingmammaries

Nope, YANBU. If you hadn't taken the space, it would have been taken by a stranger who is hardly going to give it up to suit your colleague.

Exactly this!

Yanbu.

Your child hasn't been functioning as her placeholder!

Had you not taken the place what? 6 months ago? A year? Then someone else would have. Does she - or anyone! - actually think the childminder would have had a free spot for however long it was?

YANBU. She sounds crazy.
My advice is to keep your DC where he is happy.
Also I would keep quiet about any plans in the future as I am sure she may try to enact revenge by spoiling things for you.