or is this horribly patronising?

[Himalayansalt]

Someone has posted a photo of one of the people who sweeps our streets in our local forum/group with this caption

"This is xzy, a big feature in our local tapestry here in xyz. He sweeps our streets and throughout the whole of this year’s crisis, has not taken any time off. He does his job come rain, shine or pandemic. In the next lockdown he will be there again diligently cleaning up the mess that others leave behind.

As well as being passionate about keeping our neighbourhood looking tidy, he’s a bit of a guru and will stop and chat happily about life, the universe and everything. I stopped and chatted to him yesterday, as I always do when I see him and he thanked me for taking the time.
If you see him, have a chat and say thank you."

I have got the absolute cringe with this, although some would say she was well-meaning and trying to #bekind. But - it's off isn't it?

It's an appreciative comment and well-meaning. I think the writer has interpreted him thanking her for taking the time to speak to him as him being lonely. I may also have interpreted it that way. I think she is kind and well-meaning. It isn't patronising. I hope more people stop and chat to him as a result.

Very ‘look at me, I’m great!’. I unfriended someone a few years back who put up photos of her giving out pies to local homeless people. I assume she didn’t ask them if they wanted to be on her Facebook as subjects of her generosity

I agree with you, it’s too much, it’s sort of pitying in some way. I don’t think many folks would wish to be on the receiving end of it, and she did it to make herself look good.

@TownHallDesigner

Not in the UK or on Facebook so can’t imagine I’m near you, OP, but I can always picture people like this vividly.

I’m guess the person who posted that on FB:

• Has a double-barreled surname or insists on using her first and middle names.
• Tries to make herself look quirky but in a very temporary way- ie, zany scarves or an usual hairstyle (either very cropped, or very long and unstyled or random colours)
• Possibly does the school run on a micro-scooter.

And uses phrases like "those less fortunate"

@ladybee28

Sure, but then I also think people forget that the 'unseen army' see each other just fine. And they have families and friends and lives... they're not ACTUALLY invisible.

They sit in their break rooms and drink tea and chat and then go home and hang out with their families – it's not like they're lonely souls who'd wither away if it weren't for everyone else doing some big Noticing of them.

Ha yes I totally agree there.

But maybe he doesn’t mind? I do find it cringe and I would never post it (and left FB) but maybe we’re getting offended on his behalf when he’s not offended?

Its like all the posters who are offended by people calling others ‘love’, ‘sweetheart’ etc. I like it!

@Cheeseandwin5

Why dont you take the time and speak to him and see what he thinks. He may find it patronising or he may be pleased. I think its worse that you are getting angry on his behalf without even knowing his view. Maybe the lack of civility, community spirit and thanking people for their hard work is something that can be directed at you, which why you are getting so het up without any knowledge.

I think I would die a little inside if someone approached me to confirm I was indeed the sad and lowly street cleaner, that no one speaks to (the bells, the bells esmeralda). I have worked in lowly jobs, it's obvious when someone is talking to you as an actual human being and when someone is 'doing their bit', I know what type of interaction I prefer, the latter can just fuck off and walk on by and let me get on with my job. It's nice to acknowledge someone, but the post is just screaming for praise of her loveliness. So no I wouldn't approach him, hopefully he hasn't seen it and is just slightly puzzled by his sudden popularity amongst well meaning folks.

The post is patronising not because I disagree that the guy does a great job deserving recognition, but it's the way it's done. I think everyone deserves respect and kindness as standard. We are not all defined by our jobs. Most of know this without the need to take photos and lecture our fb friends. This post is not about the street cleaner at all, it's about the person who posted it imho.

It would have been okay if phrased differently, I think. It's nice to be appreciative of the work that is done, but the comments about talking to him, and he is a bit of a guru, just smack of being surprised that he was intelligent and capable of having a chat.

As for 'if you see him, have a chat', jeepers, when will he get any work done, if everybody obeys that edict.

I worked with someone who went out of her way to be the gracious lady to those she perceived to be beneath her, and it was so obvious. Behold me talking to the lowly people.

@gingerwhinger0

True, but I assume from the original post that ppl know who he is. It also seems he is happy to chat about all sorts.
I would say hello and ask how he is. You can over time mention the article and see what his thoughts are. If you want to make it uncomfortable you can, and it seems that is the route you think would be taken, but its just as easy not to.
It seems to be that the problem is not how it effects the person in question but rather how it effects the OP and they are conjuring views to argue their case which may not be true.

[quote Cheeseandwin5]@gingerwhinger0

True, but I assume from the original post that ppl know who he is. It also seems he is happy to chat about all sorts.
I would say hello and ask how he is. You can over time mention the article and see what his thoughts are. If you want to make it uncomfortable you can, and it seems that is the route you think would be taken, but its just as easy not to.
It seems to be that the problem is not how it effects the person in question but rather how it effects the OP and they are conjuring views to argue their case which may not be true.[/quote]
I think it wld be fine to say you had a really good chat to xyz this morning over a coffee to a mate. But it’s the whole Xyz diligence blah blah guru blah blah universe. AND then putting it on line. She’s def done it to “enlighten” others. She’s patronised him and us. Far from this being the work of a double barrelled micro scooter extreme hair woman (as imagined by a previous poster) I just bet she’s into American self help books, believes in homeopathy, and the law of attraction.

I get what you're saying OP. I feel similar.

It's hard to put into words but it's almost like let's make a big show of this person because he will get absolutely no appreciation otherwise which sort of goes against the logic in the first place.

OP it is lovely what are you on about

@NetflixWatcher

OP it is lovely what are you on about

There are 6 pages of replies that almost entirely explain what she’s on about 🤣

When my MIL was working, she used to regularly tell us how she always made the effort to speak to the cleaners in her office just as much as she'd make the effort to speak to the big bosses. I think she thought I'd be impressed. I just used to wonder why she felt it necessary to tell me. Rather than showing how lovely she is, it just made me realise what she actually thought of the cleaners, otherwise surely you'd just have a conversation with them and move on with your day.

Op I'm a fellow local. The post is cringe but my fave comment is by the person who says she's seen him from the car but has never stopped to chat but now she will. Wtf!
Why aren't they saying hello to all street cleaners? They are all hard working people and quite a few of them are really chatty around here.
Grim virtue signalling at its best.

It does come across as a bit of a humblebrag.

Hello iano! I haven't looked at the post again today so didn't get to see any comments but will have a look now.

As I said in my op, I think the person who posted this probably meant kindly but how could she not see how inappropriate it is? I don't know the man as the "local" area probably covers 40,000+ people and 3 or 4 square miles. I recognise the street sweepers and bin men on my street but not much further afield. The thing I hate about her post is "he's quite the guru and up for a chat". Yes, and???

@Himalayansalt she sounds thick, thick, thick. Remember that song about common people by pulp? That. @NetflixWatcher

I work in a low paid and menial job and I’d hate being the subject of a post like this. I’m just doing a job to make some money like everyone else. I wouldn’t thank anyone for going out of their way to have a chat with me and congratulate me for having thoughts and ideas. And I worked all through lockdown, because my workplace was still open, not because I’m super dedicated to my job.

Agree, makes you think of Pulp and Common People.

@Itstheprinciple

When my MIL was working, she used to regularly tell us how she always made the effort to speak to the cleaners in her office just as much as she'd make the effort to speak to the big bosses. I think she thought I'd be impressed. I just used to wonder why she felt it necessary to tell me. Rather than showing how lovely she is, it just made me realise what she actually thought of the cleaners, otherwise surely you'd just have a conversation with them and move on with your day.

I think I worked with your mil. Well not really, but that is exactly how the colleague I mentioned upthread used to go on. Look at me speaking to the lowly ones.

We either live in the same area or there’s more than one of these posts doing the rounds @Himalayansalt

I just read this to my extremely nice BIL, who is a street sweeper, and he rolled his eyes and said that person could fuck right off with the Lady Muck attitude. He also pointed out that he’s been doing his job in whatever weather throughout the lockdowns because neither weather nor lockdowns affect the nature of his job, and he’s not some poster child for Coronavirus resilience.

Acknowledge another person whatever their job with "Good Morning" and a nod. Patronizing ....Signalling " I have spoken to peasants to make them feel better in their terrible station in life, aren't I worthwhile person for doing this"...maybe that is not the writer's intent but it reads that way