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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

or is this horribly patronising?

149 replies

Himalayansalt · 03/11/2020 08:29

Someone has posted a photo of one of the people who sweeps our streets in our local forum/group with this caption

"This is xzy, a big feature in our local tapestry here in xyz. He sweeps our streets and throughout the whole of this year’s crisis, has not taken any time off. He does his job come rain, shine or pandemic. In the next lockdown he will be there again diligently cleaning up the mess that others leave behind.

As well as being passionate about keeping our neighbourhood looking tidy, he’s a bit of a guru and will stop and chat happily about life, the universe and everything. I stopped and chatted to him yesterday, as I always do when I see him and he thanked me for taking the time.
If you see him, have a chat and say thank you."

I have got the absolute cringe with this, although some would say she was well-meaning and trying to #bekind. But - it's off isn't it?

OP posts:
NeonGenesis · 03/11/2020 10:43

I hate stuff like this. It's all about her and how humble she is for talking to a lowly street cleaner. I would feel so embarrassed and betrayed if someone did that to me.

Sailingtelltales · 03/11/2020 10:43

It’s nice that someone recognised being a street cleaner is hard work and probably underpaid.

She was probably trying to bring him to local’s attention, but then locals would already be aware of him. We have a street cleaner man who’s just like this in our town.

Instead she’s drawn attention to herself, and will gets lots of comments about how wonderful she is, which will make her feel great about herself even if it does make witnesses feel cringed up.

Two people better probably had a better day for it, and anyone who’s cringed by it, well, .... Meh.

CatkinToadflax · 03/11/2020 10:45

Yes incredibly patronising, though I suspect the writer probably didn't intend to be. I have a friend who likes to inform all of Facebook every time she talks to a homeless person ("he's very intelligent and interesting, you know") and once waxed lyrical about taking "a family of Syrian refugees" (her words, not mine) back to her house for a cup of tea. I know for absolute certain that my friend is incredibly well meaning and would likely be mortified if she knew how patronising and cringey it all sounds. At least she doesn't post photos of the people she befriends though!

badacorn · 03/11/2020 10:46

Yes this is patronising. Treat people with respect as standard and don’t congratulate yourself for it on social media.

Any1846399 · 03/11/2020 10:47

It's coming from a nice place but very us and them.

jalapenojack · 03/11/2020 10:53

I can't decide if it's patronising or not but I know I wouldn't like to be the subject of it. The poster should show her appreciation privately really.

iluvgab · 03/11/2020 10:55

It's ok until the point where she starts going on about how she always stops and chats to him and that others should too. That bit is cringey.

TownHallDesigner · 03/11/2020 11:03

Not in the UK or on Facebook so can’t imagine I’m near you, OP, but I can always picture people like this vividly.

I’m guess the person who posted that on FB:

  • Has a double-barreled surname or insists on using her first and middle names.
  • Tries to make herself look quirky but in a very temporary way- ie, zany scarves or an usual hairstyle (either very cropped, or very long and unstyled or random colours)
  • Possibly does the school run on a micro-scooter.
Kljnmw3459 · 03/11/2020 11:13

It's definitely patronising. A job is a job, treat people with respect and don't be condescending.

Spied · 03/11/2020 11:17

Oh dear, if that was written about me I'd have to move away. Far away. How embarassing for the guy.

Graciebobcat · 03/11/2020 11:18

It is cringey, and such posts may be well-meaning but are more about the person posting than the subject.

On the other hand there was a great crowd-funding campaign locally on social media to get the Big Issue seller some furniture for his new place, but I think that was different.

alliwanttodoiseatcarbs · 03/11/2020 11:24

She's a wanker.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 03/11/2020 11:25

I don't think it's patronising - and not every post on FB needs a 'critique' either.

Original poster
Himalayansalt · 03/11/2020 11:35

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe

I don't think it's patronising - and not every post on FB needs a 'critique' either.
That's true but I'm not critiquing every post on FB, just this one.

I think there's a serious discussion to be had here about invasion of privacy and why people feel the need to broadcast like this.

Not every Mumsnet post needs to be critiqued either, of course.

OP posts:
LindaEllen · 03/11/2020 11:35

Does anyone think the countless posts about NHS staff and other key workers are patronising? Stories of how they held the hands of the dying when their loved ones weren't allowed to be there?

No.

So why should THIS be patronising?

Some people don't seem to realise where we'd be without people like street cleaners etc. We all have an important part to play in this world, so why not big people up for playing theirs well?

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 03/11/2020 11:41

It really wasn't a pop at you, HimalayanSalt but, you've brought somebody else's post here to be critiqued. Unless we just want affirmative nodding posts then yes, we invite comment on our own posts.

There's no serious discussion to be had that I can see because this is entirely subjective, somebody's viewpoint of somebody else who is working in the community - and they believe that he deserves recognition in that format.

Will it hurt the recipient to hear that they're much appreciated? I doubt it. Make them a little embarrassed to be singled out? Possibly. But also may make their day.

NameChange84 · 03/11/2020 11:46

I’ve found the FB post off the back of this. I think it was supposed to me well meant but it does make me feel uncomfortable. Did he know she’d be posting on FB about him and did he consent with full knowledge?

I wouldn’t like it if it was me. Others don’t mind. I think being consulted beforehand is what makes a huge difference. I also think the woman posting doesn’t deserve a character assassination ( this comment is not directed at anyone in particular on this thread, I’m just wary as the post is easy to find and people might feel the need to respond unkindly). I think she’s been a bit short sighted and is trying to use social media “for good” but not realised how a post like this could be viewed by others.

I’m also aware that most of the people I notice doing this a lot on SM are of a very different generation to me (50s,60s,70s) and tend to have a different approach to social media. I often see “sweet” or “positive”
photos taken or shared without content and have witnessed rows from adult children over use of photos of posters grandchildren etc. The generation below me also use it differently (making fun of friends, relatives “prancing” etc and posting without consent). I’m of the “snowflake” generation...maybe it’s me that’s over sensitive to this sort of thing?

burnoutbabe · 03/11/2020 11:48

see, I'd sort of thing that was fine if posted by the local newspaper (who i follow on facebook) or by an employer about their staff. (ie lets meet the cleaning staff this week, next week the payroll team)

As i'd assume it was a colaborative effort between them and the person.

But as a randomer posting on FB? i'd find it patronising.

Original poster
Himalayansalt · 03/11/2020 11:53

I don't doubt for a minute that it was meant well but that's not really my question. BTW am in my 50s for the person who said this is an older generation thing!

Hopefully she asked his permission before posting and he doesn't mind.

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 03/11/2020 12:04

I'm in my 50s too and find mawkish sentiment insincere and grating. FB and other social media is the perfect vehicle for this sort of thing. Everything now seems to be 'in your face' and for 'likes'. I genuinely dislike it but, what can you do?

The subject of your OP though, it's 'tomorrow's chip paper' like everything else - albeit it's online forever, like everything else.

I'm really not disagreeing with the unnecessasary-ness of it all if that was your point?

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 03/11/2020 12:04

Its the " I stopped and spoke to him and he thanked me for it" thats the cringiest bit 🙄

AtrociousCircumstance · 03/11/2020 12:09

How are you guys searching for and finding the original post?

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 03/11/2020 12:11

@Iminaglasscaseofemotion

Its the " I stopped and spoke to him and he thanked me for it" thats the cringiest bit 🙄
Yes actually, that is cringey, I missed that. I think I just picked up on the general fact that it was a complimentary post. Apologies HimalayanSalt, and I don't disagree with your post.

It's a sign of the times that getting 'likes' and accolades is the primary objective but it's true, it is. If you genuinely appreciate somebody, you tell them, directly, one to one, without an audience.

Regularsizedrudy · 03/11/2020 12:15

Yes it’s very patronising and cringe but people love that shit.

Cheeseandwin5 · 03/11/2020 12:16

Why dont you take the time and speak to him and see what he thinks.
He may find it patronising or he may be pleased.
I think its worse that you are getting angry on his behalf without even knowing his view.
Maybe the lack of civility, community spirit and thanking people for their hard work is something that can be directed at you, which why you are getting so het up without any knowledge.