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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Written Warning at work - My Fault

111 replies

Rubixed · 02/11/2020 20:36

I have made a collosal fuck up in work and have been told I will be issued with a written warning that will stay on my record for 1 year. I own up to the mistake fully. I just hate working in the job now. I can't move past everyone knowing about it and whispering behind my back. I want to leave but I imagine it would be disclosed when potential employers ask for a reference? AIBU to feel trapped in this job that I am clearly no good at? It's so bad it's affecting my mental health and I don't know what to do. Sad

OP posts:
Porridgeoat · 03/11/2020 04:51

you’ll feel better in a couple of weeks when time has lapsed and this is all less raw.

Also you’re assuming people are thinking the worst of you and gossiping but the reality is that most people won’t be interested, you’ll have kind people who are compassionate and reflect on their own mistakes and also dick heads who will be dickheads to everyone regardless of performance.

Porridgeoat · 03/11/2020 04:58

Good idea to talk with your manager. Tell them this has knocked you badly and ask if you can make a plan together to skill up in areas you need to become more competent.

My gut feeling is that you have very high expectations performance wise. If you’re a perfectionist then any performance issues (because of being human) will be taken to heart and seen as a reflection on you personally and your worth.

ClareBlue · 03/11/2020 05:03

@winewolfhowls

Alexashutup, what a lovely and helpful post. X
Yes, we all want Alex as our new ManagerSmile
Rollmopsrule · 03/11/2020 05:43

Everybody makes mistakes and what Alexashutupsaid Grin

Trixie18 · 03/11/2020 05:47

How awful for you, genuine mistakes should not be disciplined for. Anyway if you leave it's highly unlikely they would give this information on a reference. Most companies only give job title and length of service these days.

Eckhart · 03/11/2020 06:01

People get fired for mistakes and bounce back. Think about it from your employer's point of view. Why didn't they fire you? They could have done, right? So, what is it that makes them feel that they want you to stay? Focus on that.

You've got that negative-egocentricity thing going on. Your mistake isn't the only thing on people's minds. People forget their loved ones birthdays - how long do you think they'll remember this? You'd do well to forget too. Your employer wants to keep you. So stay. It's the adult thing to do. Running away is the kid thing.

TriTri82 · 03/11/2020 06:22

Companies only give basic references confirming job role and period of employment so please try not to worry. It will soon blow over and make you even better at your job going forward. We all make mistakes but the vast majority of us get away with it. I’m sure some of your colleagues will be sympathising with you more than you think.

OllyBJolly · 03/11/2020 07:57

Companies only give basic references confirming job role and period of employment so please try not to worry

I don't want to add to OP's woes but I wish people would stop repeating this. It's not true. Companies have different policies and it is perfectly legal to give full references as long as they are honest and objective. Larger corporates may have a standard form but I've often called up the referee and asked further questions about attendance/disciplinary record/would you rehire.

AlexaShutUp · 03/11/2020 08:01

Yes, we all want Alex as our new Manager

Ah, thank you, that's made my day! Smile

MrsBobDylan · 03/11/2020 08:04

You didn't fuck up because you are a bad person. It happened because you are a human being.

Every single one of us will have made a mistake in work at some time. Some of us will have made a few.

There will be so many other things that you shine at, don't let one cloud eclipse your sun.

If you do feel that you work within a punishing culture, then do look for other work - life is too short to ensure that sort of shit.

MrsBobDylan · 03/11/2020 08:05

Endure, not ensure...

Dogsaremyfavorite · 03/11/2020 08:08

Op, you owning up to your own mistake and telling your boss speaks of integrity and character and that you were able to spot your own mistake... maybe you’re better at the job than you give yourself credit for.

Everyone makes mistakes. But if we want to accept this life and journey for what it is... we must accept mistakes are part of growing. We must get more comfortable with it.

You’ve learnt a valuable lesson in this too.

You’re not an imposter. You earned the promotion. 2020 has been a dumpster for most.... so hold your head up high. You have character.

cooliebrown · 03/11/2020 08:08

your employer must value you actually - if you made a mistake that cost a client a lot of money, and you have ended up with a 1 year written warning. If they didn't value you this would have been an opportunity to dismiss....

37weekswithno2 · 03/11/2020 08:12

Everywhere I've worked would only confirm job title and dates of employment on a reference.

ivykaty44 · 03/11/2020 08:18

Massive respect to you for reporting your own mistake. That shows strength of character.

I think you're being incredibly hard on yourself in a difficult situation, where lack of real training and support has been lacking (through nobodies fault)

You would be a very good employee as you've owned up to whats happened and I do hope that your boss appreciate this fact

Learn from this

move on

and stay awesome

RealBecca · 03/11/2020 08:23

It's a knock to your pride but don't worry about it. I got one 8 years ago for an honest mistake. I asked for it to be removed from my record after the 1 year period...and I've been promoted there 3 times since. It happens. Reflect on why and what youve learnt (are you spreading yourself too thin? Could you change a process? In the future will you give others in a similar situation the benefit of the doubt?) X

Rightsaidmabel · 03/11/2020 08:51

When I was a trainer in work, for sales folk who worked in the field, it was as lonely and difficult for them as it is now when WFH. We used techniques from The One Minute Sales Person(great little book) to help with how we deal with making a mistake. It was what to do if you 'catch yourself doing something wrong'
It's a while ago but the gist is: Make a mistake and do the following. Stop.
Say to yourself :I made a mistake.(you've aced this step, you did just that )
Ask yourself :How can I remedy it in any way ? (again, you reported it, great)
Ask yourself: How come I made the mistake? (again you have been identifying reasons :training has been difficult in these times, you are still growing in experience.) Ask yourself :how can I avoid it happening again: look for help from your Manager, or whatever it is you feel is needed.
The important thing is: Don't try to rationalise it ,don't tell yourself it wasn't that bad (you're certainly not doing that!) Just look at it objectively, as Posters have said, everyone makes mistakes, it's how sensibly you deal with it that matters. Resolve not to make the same mistake. Then forget about it.
Here's the really, really important bit: This first technique was all about catching yourself doing something wrong. You need the same sort of techniques for giving yourself your due credit when you 'Catch yourself doing something right'! It's not a case of 'It's just my job' No, look at what you do, probably every day. Stop. Feel pride and satisfaction at what you, personally have achieved .Work out why something you did went really well, praise yourself, and take it from there.
Well done you!

IdblowJonSnow · 03/11/2020 09:03

You're being way too hard on yourself here OP. - unless you're a surgeon and took out the wrong organ.
Everyone makes mistakes. If people are still talking about this after a week then they are very sad individuals.
Give yourself a month or so and then see how you feel.
My former line manager used to absolutely delight in any mistakes I ever made. (She used to fuck up all the time, but that's another story)
Hope you're feeling better about things soon.

Waveysnail · 03/11/2020 09:28

Its pants. Can you get more training? Online courses? Perhaps extra training in own time to help yourself?

Gregariousfox · 03/11/2020 13:16

I'm curious about the processes. If there's processes where it's that easy to lose a client money if you miss one step, then surely there should be a checklist or manager verification. Someone introduced a checklist for surgeons (who are highly trained and competent people, not known for getting things wrong). It cut deaths by 40%! If they don't have a checklist then maybe create your own that you could introduce into the company to prevent future errors. www.theguardian.com/society/2009/jan/14/health

Original poster
Rubixed · 03/11/2020 13:39

My boss sent me a lovely email today about not needing to beat myself up over this. I have asked for a meeting next week to discuss training gaps and a system of peer checking my transactions at least until I am more confident. Thanks all.

OP posts:
AlexaShutUp · 03/11/2020 13:49

That's great news, OP. They clearly value you!

SandyY2K · 03/11/2020 13:49

@TriTri82

Companies only give basic references confirming job role and period of employment so please try not to worry.

I agree with a pp and really wish posters wouldn't state things as a fact, when it's not the case.

There is no single way or format that organisations give references. They don't even have to provide references by law, although most do.

I'm a HR professional and the policy varies in different organisations that I've worked in.

Some provide very basic information....others provide more detail.

SandyY2K · 03/11/2020 13:51

@Rubixed

My boss sent me a lovely email today about not needing to beat myself up over this. I have asked for a meeting next week to discuss training gaps and a system of peer checking my transactions at least until I am more confident.

That's brilliant. See, it's not as bad as you thought and no doubt your honesty paid a critical role in the outcome.

Good luck.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 03/11/2020 13:54

You handled yourself perfectly, Rubixed, deftly done. I'm really happy that your boss has sent you that e-mail to put your mind at rest.