Written Warning at work - My Fault

[Rubixed]

I have made a collosal fuck up in work and have been told I will be issued with a written warning that will stay on my record for 1 year. I own up to the mistake fully. I just hate working in the job now. I can't move past everyone knowing about it and whispering behind my back. I want to leave but I imagine it would be disclosed when potential employers ask for a reference? AIBU to feel trapped in this job that I am clearly no good at? It's so bad it's affecting my mental health and I don't know what to do.

It's yesterday's news already. Everyone makes mistakes. Some are never found out and some are. It's life.

Best advice I ever got is "This too shall pass". What can be a horrendous time will be but a memory before long. That thought has got me through a lot of shit.

Best advice I ever got is "This too shall pass". What can be a horrendous time will be but a memory before long. That thought has got me through a lot of shit.

Me too. I know a lot of people mock the saying, but I find it hugely helpful when I'm anxious.

I read the thread and felt empathy for you. Then I read that you reported your own error and I felt real admiration for you. The normal, decent people you work with will feel this too. The wankers aren’t worth worrying about, everyone finds them just as tedious as you do.

Keep going.

You sound a great employee. Admitting your mistake when you realised you’d made it takes courage. It’s a normal reaction to want to just disappear so you don’t have to face your colleagues again but it doesn’t sound at all justified. Every person in every job has made a mistake at some point. We aren’t robots and most jobs are complex these days and it’s so easy to not do something, do the wrong thing or forget to do something completely. Try to stop beating yourself up. 💐

Please stop torturing yourself. Every one makes mistakes. You are clearly a very diligent and contentious worker to feel so bad, I understand that its been a bad one but believe me, some people where I work make the biggest clangers and don't give a dam. They're bullet proof. Keep your head down and work hard, double check everything you do and ride it out. Don't leave a job because you made a mistake, even a big one. It will pass. Try and put it in perspective.

I work in HR too.

Please don’t worry. I work for a big company and we would have a number of people on different warnings at any time, but it’s kept entirely confidential.

For all you know, you were speaking with a colleague today who has a warning on their file from months ago, and you know nothing about it.

Certainly, it’s a way to improve performance (bet you won’t make that mistake again! ) but I’ve seen it used in companies as a way of protecting staff when a mistake has been made and clients have to be placated- it’s much easier to turn around to a client and say “we are very sorry that you’ve lost money because of our actions and can confirm that appropriate action has been taken with the staff member involved” rather than do nothing and risking a client leaving/suing. It’s preferable to dismissal when a mistake was a genuine error, rather than a performance or competency issue, but there’s a cost to clients that could potentially damage the relationship.

At the end of a day, you made a mistake that has had implications for your employer and their client. Unfortunately, that can’t go unchecked, but a written warning is a pretty innocuous punishment. Though I get the psychological burden.

Please don’t be so hard on yourself. I’m a completely insecure worrier and would hate to go through something like this, but it will get easier. If you’re like me, you’ll have several sleepless nights ruminating over it.

A year isn’t a long time.

I kind of know how this feels. Awful. My team lost an important donation cheque once. The donor reissued it but was not happy, it damaged the relationship. I was already kind of at the limit and it was the thing that pushed me over the edge, I had a stress related breakdown, lost my voice for several months, had severe foot pain and other rsi... and yes, ran away to a new job.

The thing is if you can stick it out with this company it will massively improve your morale and your self worth (and you will always have an answer to that interview question about a time when you learned from your mistakes). You sound awesome and you found your own mistake. You can probably introduce processes to make sure it doesn't happen again (ask someone to check your work for a bit if nothing else).

So if you can bear it I think you should stick it out. It does not mean you're not good enough to do the job. Could you find a mentor who is not your boss who might help you through this?

OP I think this is an unpleasant but normal part of working life. No one can get through their whole career scot-free! If you otherwise like the job, ‘sit with it’, as uncomfortable as it is, and it will fade in time. Learning how to cope well with failure is one of the best things you can learn, career-wise.

Mistakes happen. It’s how you deal with them thar counts. The fact you owned up immediately says a lot about you.

Competent able people make mistakes all the time. It’s life. You learn not to do it again and move on.

There’s a thread in classics which is about massive work fuck ups - you aren’t alone, you’re human, you can get through it.

It's surprising how many of these are about but you're not aware unless it involves you. I really recommend Mark Manson and his audio book, how not to give a fuck. Or his website, just to get your head straight. But lie low, bide your time and you'll be fine.

I'm really glad for the OP that some HR posters are here to reassure her. :)

You found and reported your own mistake- that is great and shows what a good person and worker you are.

If a friend was in the same situation as you are now what would you say? as hard as it is, please show some of that kindness towards yourself.

In a previous job I made a big mistake, one that could have had disastrous consequences if someone hadn't caught me mid action. I felt awful, I beat myself up about it for ages and wanted to hide. Most people felt empathy for me and everyone forgot it soon enough.

It is raw right now, but it will get better. Please try and have some self-compassion. You made a mistake, you are human and we all do it.

People shouldn't be gossiping about this, as disciplinary matters are confidential and should only be divulged on a need to know basis.

I work in HR and you highlighting your error shows honesty and integrity. I don't know how serious it was, but if I was advising a manager on what action to take and you hadn't done something similar in the past, then I would suggest non disciplinary action.

You said it happened last week and you already have a warning...that's quick. Was an investigation carried out? I know you pointed out the error, but in my organisation we would still do an investigation.

You don't have to say on the thread, but Im wondering if it's something that could be gross misconduct....if it is, then I would say they've gone easy on you, which is likely to be as a result of your honesty.

If you feel training was a factor, then you need to raise this with your manager and try and get support.

Companies generally only give details of job title and dates of employment these days due to GDPR

It depends on the organisation policy. We can provide factual information for references, which discloses number of days sickness absence and disciplinaries in the last 2 years.

I'm not sure what you do, but my suspicion is ygat they understand to some degree but needed to formalise a sanction as a client had a loss. Then they can say you have been formally reprimanded.
Learn and move on, everyone who is good at their job has achieved that making mistakes along the way.

Someone in my team at work did something that resulted in a formal written warning just over a year ago. The only people who knew about it were those involved, but it was still very tough for them to continue as before, and I am sure impacted to an extent on their mental well-being for some time. It was definitely the case that management lost some trust in them for a while. But they knuckled down (impressively), got on with things quietly and competently, slowly started to regain confidence and a year later are probably better liked and respected by the team (because they’ve made way more effort with everyone) than they were previously. Including the managers, who have been impressed with the level of commitment and effort they’ve put in.
Just a long way of saying, you’re not alone, and all is not lost, even if it feels a bit pants right now. Don’t jump ship, unless the job you are moving to is genuinely a better role: stay put, see it out and demonstrate to your manager that you can learn, develop and grow. Most likely, it will all be ok.

All the HR people who posted, thank you so much. You have helped me realise this is not necessarily as career ending as I had built it up to be in my head.
Everyone thanks for your kind words. I haven't been able to sleep for 2 weeks. I think the worry and shame has made me physically unwell but hopefully I can start to move past that now.

I know exactly how you feel and I'm just so sorry! But, if it makes you feel better, sooo many people I've worked with have made some serious errors that have cost clients hundreds of thousands. I've only ever felt sorry for them, whilst also pleased it wasn't me (as often I hear about it thinking that really could have been me).

Tell you what though, the only mistake I remember really clearly is the time someone tried to go to extreme lengths to cover it up and then blame other people for it. That was talked about for months after, but only because of this person's refusal to take ownership. If I worked with you I'd be so impressed with your attitude, and then I'd immediately try and make you my mentor. These days, when I make a mistake, I almost try and tell people about it before they have a chance to gossip. I'm often like "oh god, did you hear about the mistake I made, I feel so awful I don't know how I missed it"....and then people are all "oh no you poor thing, I remember when I cost the company a million pounds and nearly died". Much better.

Massive respect to you for reporting your own mistake. That shows strength of character.

I'm sure there was a thread on here a few months ago about the worst mistake posters have made in work and there were quite a few in there so you are not alone!

I think you should pat yourself on the back for being so honest and recognising the error yourself and holding your hand up.

Whose job ess it to check your work? The boss who doesn't think you are up to it? see what I did there?

It will pass. It is just raw now. Someone else will screw up and this will be forgotten. Everyone will get bored of talking about it and anyway those who are worth it will be supportive and kind. They are only work colleagues not friends x

We all make mistakes, you’re human. Apply for another job and move on. They should only provide a basic reference containing job title and salary. Good luck!

If companies dont follow their own rules over disciplinary process they can end up in the shit. A friend of mind kept a paper trail of emails to show that she had been bullied, reported it to managers, and got no support. The situation caused a breakdown and they terminated her contract for sickness absence. She got a solicitor who negotiated a severance package of ten grand which they paid rather than go to a tribunal. They had not followed their own procedures.

This is going to make you a better manager when you're time comes, you'll be able to manage and support the person underneath you who'll inevitably make a similar mistake and face similar consequences

Hi OP, love your last update. Not sure if you're still reading but for what it's worth I used to also panic like mad when I made a mistake.
I catastrophised and wound myself up. Then I rose through the ranks at my organisation and got to see the many and varied stuff ups that people made and I felt a lot less bad about mine!

You identified the mistake and notified your superiors. That's half the battle. I'd be impressed with someone who did that.

Hold your head high, your boss will have done worse than that at some point. And remember that if you look like you think you deserve a kicking, someone will try to give you one (it's a bit like in the playground). Stand tall and carry on, and remember 'progress not perfection'.

@Mincingfuckdragon2

Hi OP, love your last update. Not sure if you're still reading but for what it's worth I used to also panic like mad when I made a mistake. I catastrophised and wound myself up. Then I rose through the ranks at my organisation and got to see the many and varied stuff ups that people made and I felt a lot less bad about mine!

You identified the mistake and notified your superiors. That's half the battle. I'd be impressed with someone who did that.

Hold your head high, your boss will have done worse than that at some point. And remember that if you look like you think you deserve a kicking, someone will try to give you one (it's a bit like in the playground). Stand tall and carry on, and remember 'progress not perfection'.

"Progress not perfection"

Perfect. Beautifully put!

I am currently wide awake wondering about a colossal mess I have made at work and praying that it does not have a terrible impact. I put my hands up and say I made the mistakes but I can't sleep for worrying about them.

I needed this thread tonight. Thank you OP and everyone else who has posted.

OP, your error will have made you better at your job. I hope you can try to relax and move on now.

And I would never think less of anyone for making a genuine mistake. We're all only human.

@Rubixed

I got the warning last week. I found my own error and reported it to my boss the week before that. So still all very new and raw. I thank God I'm still working from home and I don't have to interact with anyone

Take a good look at what you've written there. When I was running a team, you are the type of person I would have wanted. Yes you dropped a bollock, but you immediately reported it, so it could be acted on. It's the ones that try to brush it under the carpet that are the nightmare and I've had one or two of those.

It's all new a very raw. Get hold of your manager and talk it through, tell them how you are feeling, if they are decent, they'll understand and want to help.