Parents and potty training DC. AIBU?

[JustinMyJustin]

D.C. are twins, now aged 2 years 2 months. I’m a single mum, so rely on my DP a lot for help with them.

Both of them (but especially my DM) will not stop going on about me potty training them. I get a running commentary all the time from DM about how wet/dry their nappies are, they are both always telling the twins they should be weeing/pooing on the potty when I change their nappies etc. etc. There’s a definite air of disapproval that they aren’t trained yet. My DM even bought training pants and put them in them without asking me first! They’ve got them overnight and she’s just text me saying they’ve been in their pants again and haven’t wet them.

I appreciate I should probably start training them and do admit that I’m feeling totally lost as to how to start potty training two toddlers. They will sit on their potties but never do anything in them. However I feel like my parents are being really unfair putting all this pressure on me. It’s like an obsession with them both! AIBU or not?

No yanbu

My Nan was always on at me about potty training my children but I ignored her and did it when I felt was ready.

Both children were over 3 and it was so much easier as they understood better.

Dd managed to be completely dry in 3 days. Ds took a bit longer but he got there quicker

Unlike my sister who insists her dd was potty trained at 18 months. She wasn’t. She wore pants yes, but sister had to frequently change her clothes because she had wet herself

@Soubriquet My DM says I was dry at night by age 2 I tell her she’s got false memory syndrome but she insists it’s true!

She’s always had this odd obsession with toddlers who are still in nappies over age 2. I’ve told her they don’t hand out medals for getting your children 💩 in the toilet as early as possible but she still goes on and on.

I feel like it’s a judgement on my mothering skills even though I don’t think either of them mean that. I know I’m a bit touchy because having to do it all alone does make you paranoid you’re being judged.

YANBU
You don't really potty train, you wait for the clues that your kids can tell that they wet/dirty and then help them learn the techniques to make the move out of nappies.
If you're kids aren't doing that, then they're not ready.

@Beamur They will both tell me when they’ve done a poo and my little girl with say when she’s wet. She’ll also ask for her potty but she just sits on it, then gets off!

There’s so much conflicting advice about how to do it. I bought The Gentle Potty Training Book but I don’t think they are ready for the method yet!

Some people really are obsessed with kids growing up quickly

First it’s weaning, then crawling and walking, then talking, then potty training, and putting in a big bed.

Just let them grow up at their own pace!

No one in secondary school are going to tell their friends they where eating roast dinners at 3 months, walking and talking at 6 months and shitting in a potty by 9 months!

@Soubriquet I agree totally. Do you have any clue when your friends starting shitting in the toilet? I know I don’t

In my experience you don't really need to potty "train". Just wait until the kid is ready and put them in pants, they all get there eventually and there is no point at all giving yourself another "job" to do.
If your mum wants to have them in pants at her house then it's a good place for them to practice without you having to clean em up so I'd let her crack on

@JustinMyJustin

*@Soubriquet* I agree totally. Do you have any clue when your friends starting shitting in the toilet? I know I don’t

Oh yes! They were potty trained at birth didn’t you know

If she doesn’t realise her behaviour comes across as passive aggressive parenting criticism then tell her. Once you’ve told her if she brings it up again then you know she is ‘meaning to be that rude’ and you can tell her where to shove it. This is why you shouldn’t depend on family for childcare. I know there’s often not a choice though.

Most people I know did a cold turkey method where they stop wearing nappies and you have to accept the first bit will be messy.

YANBU OP. Mine were 3. Was the right time for them I had no wet beds or accidents.

My MIL insists my DH was potty trained by 18 months too

My DS started when he was almost 2 and a half being naked in the garden in summer. I totally let him take the lead and we never did any "training" as such. I, too, was totally lost about what to do/not do! In the end, I did nothing (bar providing a potty, obviously!) and he did it himself He's 3 and a half now and has just dropped the potty in favour of the big toilet. He's still in nappies overnight (mainly just in case. I've got a 6 month old baby too and don't need the hassle of middle-of-the-night bedsheet changes!) but I'm sure he'll get there in his own time.

It's really hard, but just ignore your mum. The older generations have always got opinions about how best to do things (try breastfeeding a 3 year old and wait for the comments!) so you're not alone!

And mine went straight on the toilet. I brought a potty but they didnt pee in it once they used it as a seat.

Before nappies became so good at keeping wetness away toddlers were frequently potty trained at 2. As a result loads of older people expect toddlers to be potty trained or in training as soon as they hit their 2nd birthday.

Tell your parents to back off and that your children will progress at their own pace. Yours are sitting on them so that's a start. When they are further interested in using them they will show you. Oh and some toddlers prefer to use a training seat on the toilet.

Have a read at the oh crap book for advice on potty training but ignore anything she says about over night dryness. It can’t be taught.

@JustinMyJustin my DD potty trained not long after 2 because she wanted to be like the older children at nursery. She was dry through the night a couple of months afterwards. Apparently poor sleepers produce the necessary hormone early - I would have preferred a good sleeper.

It doesn't help to rush them, it'll happen when they're ready. Let her have them for the week, to potty train them. You have a nice bit of me-time and they'll either come back the same and you can say I told you so or they'll come back out of nappies. Win-win 😉

I have twins. They're teenagers now and today I've been looking at pictures of them when they were twins. Give those gorgeous babies of yours a cuddle and squish their fatty bits because they grow up so fast!!

As for toilet training. I never used a potty, I just sat them on the toilet from time to time, so if you can do away with the potty, do so.

Also, I trained them when they were ready and when I felt up for it. They had a older sibling only 18 months older. They were ready at different times, so one was out of nappies about 8 months before the other.

Kids did used to be potty trained a lot earlier than they are now, so 18 months might not be a lie!
Mine were around 2 ish, there’s no magic process just lots of perseverance and some wet pants and socks along the way!
My DD refused to use a potty, she preferred the toilet as she has 2 older brothers so was used to seeing them use the loo, so that’s an option but it’s better to have a potty closer in the same room at first.
There’s zero point in your mum doing it at her house and then back to nappies at yours, as consistency is needed.

Some older people are obsessed with potty training, like my MIL. I have a nearly 3 year old and he's just not ready as in he is showing none of the signs of being ready and there is no need to rush it, he will get there in time. Tell them to keep their beaks out!

Can your DC dress and undress themselves? That is the real question to ask before even considering potty training.

There is no point having a two year old potty trained if it involves them having to spend all day in the house with no trousers on.

@thatwentbadly true about the overnight thing. All my kids potty trained at different ages. My son was the quickest for daytime, but the oldest by far for overnight.

This is annoying. My own DP are similarly obsessed with kids being potty trained very young, perhaps it's a generational thing. They were moaning about how long it took my cousin to potty train her two (nearly 4! Shock horror!) Fortunately I don't see them often enough for it to be an issue.
They told me to just keep putting my 2 yr old on the potty until he gets it. He doesn't understand what I want him to do so I have abandoned it for now as it's pointless. I'll try again when he seems more ready and his understanding is better. Can you explain to them this is the approach you are taking, that you don't think they are ready yet?

My 7 year old was dry at night by 4.

Ds is 5 (6 in March) and so far not showing any signs of being dry at night. He wears pull ups because frankly, why shame him by having to change bedding every night.

He will be dry when he’s ready

I think potty training used to happen a lot earlier (from what mil has said anyway) so a lot of grandparents struggle with how it is done now as the theory is now to wait until they’re 100% ready and then it can be done in a week or so. DD was ready at 2 years 4 months whereas lots of her friends weren’t ready until they were nearer 3.

Wait until they're three. Honestly when they're ready it's such a breeze. Some DC crack it at two but most I know who were "trained" at two took ages and had tons of accidents. If you wait a bit longer there's no "training" involved.

My DD2 has just stopped wearing nappies (3yo) and she literally had one accident and that was it, dry day and night, her sister was the same. Not worth the stress of forcing a child before they're ready - never mind twins!! Your house would be drowning in wee