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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Parents and potty training DC. AIBU?

69 replies

JustinMyJustin · 01/11/2020 13:49

D.C. are twins, now aged 2 years 2 months. I’m a single mum, so rely on my DP a lot for help with them.

Both of them (but especially my DM) will not stop going on about me potty training them. I get a running commentary all the time from DM about how wet/dry their nappies are, they are both always telling the twins they should be weeing/pooing on the potty when I change their nappies etc. etc. There’s a definite air of disapproval that they aren’t trained yet. My DM even bought training pants and put them in them without asking me first! They’ve got them overnight and she’s just text me saying they’ve been in their pants again and haven’t wet them.

I appreciate I should probably start training them and do admit that I’m feeling totally lost as to how to start potty training two toddlers. They will sit on their potties but never do anything in them. However I feel like my parents are being really unfair putting all this pressure on me. It’s like an obsession with them both! AIBU or not?

OP posts:

CecilyP · 01/11/2020 15:34

That’s the beauty of laminate floors! Not such a good idea if you have carpets. Maybe people trained earlier when they had lino!

kowari · 01/11/2020 15:37

@CecilyP

Yes of course you can do it quicker if you are watching them closely. But it usually is quite urgent at that age, so if you are in the middle of something else, you will likely be to late.

You don't need to watch them closely, they just need to be able to say 'wee' or any other word to mean the same, or run up to you and sign.

CecilyP · 01/11/2020 15:42

Yes, but then you have to jump to it and sort them. Harder when you’re putting in your contacts, cleaning the cat litter tray, or frying chips!

Thesunrising · 01/11/2020 15:49

Most children will become ready to move on from nappies from between 18 months and three years. That’s when their bladders become mature enough to go 1-2 hours between wees without constant dribbles. Unfortunately disposable nappies are so good at masking wetness that children don’t realise when they are going and have no incentive ( unpleasant dampness) to move onto pants. Put some folded up kitchen roll in their nappies and check at intervals to see how often your twins are weeing. If they are having those 1-2 hour intervals, then they’re ready to move into pants. Also establish a regular toilet routine with the potty or toilet. Don’t keep taking them too often and don’t ask them if they like to go. Tell them it’s toilet time and get them to sit on the potty at regular intervals when you think they’re most likely to be ready. Having toilet time 10-20 minutes after eating is a good time as Bladders and bowels more likely to empty then. Expect accidents and don’t expect 3 day miracles - that rarely happens. Persevere and don’t chop / change from nappies to pants and back again as children get confused. Good luck!

NancyPickford · 01/11/2020 15:51

I'm quite old and I know that the generation above me potty trained as early as possible. I can remember visiting friends of my mum who had babies and there were either buckets of terry nappies steeping, or terry nappies hanging up to dry, it was a big chore in those days.
My mum is (or was, she's dead now) was a judging, disapproving type, and used to be appalled at how 'old' modern children are and still in nappies. She used to say that modern disposables had made women "lazy". I would just smile and nod.

kowari · 01/11/2020 15:51

Well it worked for us. That was only in the early days though. DS could hold on for a while before he could reliably sort his clothing and climb onto the toilet unassisted. He wasn't independent with clothing as well until 2 and a half but reliably dry (including days out) before that.

LG101 · 01/11/2020 15:52

We potty trained when LO a few months before their 3rd birthday.

Look up the signs when a child is ready and if they aren’t showing any of these keep telling them why your child isn’t ready. Sorry you are being undermined it’s not nice but stick to the facts when talking about it rather than an opinion. They can’t argue with facts (or atleast not as much 🙈🤣)

Punkpumpkin · 01/11/2020 15:52

They’re all different.

Children were potty trained earlier in the past but you can understand it when it was potty train or wash cloth nappies by hand.

Fwiw my dd was 2.3 and one day announced she was going to wear pants.

Ds was 23 months and was already dry at night around 2 months before that.

I just got lucky with the whole potty training thing.

Another friend’s dc were nearly 4 but then they were amazing sleepers so swings and roundabouts really.

I think I’d try just not reacting to your parents. Good for them if they want to do pants etc when looking after your dc - you worry about what you’re doing with them when they’re ready.

keeprocking · 01/11/2020 15:53

@RedMarauder

Before nappies became so good at keeping wetness away toddlers were frequently potty trained at 2. As a result loads of older people expect toddlers to be potty trained or in training as soon as they hit their 2nd birthday.

Tell your parents to back off and that your children will progress at their own pace. Yours are sitting on them so that's a start. When they are further interested in using them they will show you. Oh and some toddlers prefer to use a training seat on the toilet.

This is exactly the situation, the commercial interests who decide what mothers do would be happy to have children in nappies until 21, their tills are red hot! I always found it very funny the amount of money that was spent on nappies for my grandchildren, when one of them had an explosive accident while starting to wear pants my daughter had no idea of how to deal with 'the disgusting mess'! I certainly made sire I was well backed off at that point.

Redwolf1 · 01/11/2020 16:04

They're all different, wait until they are ready. I had the opposite to you, my first was ready at 21m and my md told me I was doing it too soon and it would be really stressful for me and why rush. She never had any kind of accident after day 2 and was dry at night by her 2nd birthday. Second dc is 2.5 and trained last month, she had a couple of accidents the first 4 days but then had it cracked. Shes still wet at night time. Honestly do what's best for you and your dc

ILoveYoga · 01/11/2020 16:28

Sorry but I think YABU

You rely on them for help

You leave your D.C. with them often and over night

You state that “I appreciate I should probably start training them and do admit that I’m feeling totally lost as to how to start potty training two toddlers” and you have this help

Yet you complain?

Do you really expect just putting the D.C. on the potty they’ll automatically do their business? No. It’s putting them in it often, setting a routine and the D.C. feeling comfortable in it then praise when they do it.

MrsMonkeyBear · 01/11/2020 16:36

My youngest has just turned 3 and although has shown a bit of interest in using the toilet and potty, she is still very unreliable at using them. Unless I am asking/putting her on the potty every 20/30 minutes, I would be changing clothes all day.

I'll give it another go at Christmas when we are next off for an extended period and I won't have to leave the house for school run

Tigger85 · 01/11/2020 16:37

My D's is 3 years 2months, I have made multiple attempts at potty training since he was 2, he used to cry and scream and get worked up if I tried to get him to sit on the potty and I wasn't going to force him on it. He also doesn't care if he's wet or dirty he will happily sit in it. This half term we have finally had some success and he will go if he is either naked blow the waist or only wearing jogging bottoms. If I try to put pants on him he will cry and soil himself. You can't force them to potty train until they are ready.

itssquidstella · 01/11/2020 16:45

@JustinMyJustin this is totally irrelevant but I just wanted to show some love for your username.

KarlKennedysDurianFruit · 01/11/2020 16:53

I'm in no rush with DS, SIL is potty training DN which essentially means he wets himself or pees on the floor, he's just two, DS is two in December. A few weeks ago DS started taking an interest in the toilet (mainly because he's tall enough to flush it), he has been telling us when he has pooed or is pooing for a while (it's obvious, we don't need to be told but thank him all the same...). A few weeks ago he started jumping foot to foot and saying poo quick, so I took him to the toilet, he went, since then he asks 'toilet?' or 'poo?' and will go on the toilet including at nursery, he won't go on the potty at all, he also won't pee in the potty or toilet. From everything I've read this is the opposite of what he 'should' do. I'm ok with that he will when he's ready , I can't imagine managing it with two at the same time!!

CecilyP · 01/11/2020 16:55

DS could hold on for a while before he could reliably sort his clothing and climb onto the toilet unassisted. He wasn't independent with clothing as well until 2 and a half

I guess they’re all different. DS was verbally articulate, could manage elasticated trousers but when he needed to go, he needed to go! He could still also go independently at 2.6.

kowari · 01/11/2020 17:10

@KarlKennedysDurianFruit I think it's normal for the toddlers to get poos first, while some three year olds prefer the security of a nappy if that is what they are used to. I started DS young for poos and held him over the toilet when he needed to go (if we were home or at a mother's group or similar) because it was easier than cleaning it off his bum!

kowari · 01/11/2020 17:18

@CecilyP

DS could hold on for a while before he could reliably sort his clothing and climb onto the toilet unassisted. He wasn't independent with clothing as well until 2 and a half

I guess they’re all different. DS was verbally articulate, could manage elasticated trousers but when he needed to go, he needed to go! He could still also go independently at 2.6.

DS was in adjustable trousers with a catch behind the button, the fully elasticated ones were too big for him. He only had about 20 words at two!

Ariela · 01/11/2020 17:31

I am of the opinion people think babies aren't half as intelligent as they actually are. All the time I kept a dialogue going as to how when she was older she'd use the toilet like mummy etc. There are certain times when baby is more likely to wee and to poo, so I used to whip the night nappy off and onto the potty - caught a big wee most days as the colder air hit. Loads of praise. Ditto bathtime. And after meals for poos usually just as the face goes red.

But you have twins it's a LOT more difficult keeping an eye on both. So I'd keep doing what you can to be sure they 'get' the idea it's perfectly OK to use the potty and the toilet as opposed to always in a nappy.

So we got a lot of wees and poos not in the nappy from an early age. And one day they'll totally get it and ask for the potty/toilet you can ditch the nappies completely.

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