Would this drive you mad?

[Superpanicky]

Husband is driving me mad, it’s nothing really bad but his behaviour niggles me, today is a typical example and I’m trying to brush it off but still stewing. Basically he’s really passive aggressive about things domestic things not being done around the house and will muck in (I don’t want him to, I’d rather he didn’t) but he’ll be very nearly about it and it causes lots of rows. He works very hard and I am a stay at home mum. Today was so minor it’s unreal (I fully expect to be told it is too!) but I would genuinely like to know if I’m just being too easily annoyed. Both of us outside in the garden picking up dog poo, he’s going round in a passive aggressive whirl of activity while I’m finding my pooper scooper and then struggling to open the dog poo bag. After about a minute or two (he’s seen me not being able to get the bag open) he asks me “how many bags of dog poo have you collected so far?” I ask me why he is asking that after only two minutes, and he says “I’ll take the ones you’ve collected out to the bin”. We end up having a row about how petty he is in the extreme. He was only asking me because he had clocked that after two minutes I hadn’t picked any up yet. If it had been more than ten minutes then I could see the point of this passive aggressive comment but it just feels so unnecessary, I live with these type of comments all the time and it drives me maaaaddddd. AIBU?

YABU for leaving so much dog shit in your garden it takes 2 of you longer than 2 minutes to pick up

How disgusting. I can't imagine leaving that amount to be cleaned up.

Yes you’re right on that, we do have two puppies and he had been round and got it all himself within two minutes. I was looking through the long grass at the back to make sure it was all up. It’s been half term this week and admittedly I’ve had lots on and hadn’t got round to it.

It was about six poos

Is six poos that bad? They poo at the back of the garden and there’s two of them?

Disgusting. Your poor neighbours as that must reek. Don't have dogs if you won't clear up after them.

As for your DH it just sounds like nit picking and impatience on both your parts.

Six poos? There’s two dogs, it’s about two days worth, I’ve been taking the kids out for days out half term every week?!

Admittedly I can sometimes do what your DH is doing. I understand it. I sometimes get so annoyed with feeling like he isn’t pulling his weight and say similar things to my DH. I bet it’s coming from a place of resentment from him/ feeling like you’re not pulling your weight. You are probably driving him mad seemingly with your inaction. Do you do your fair share if he is at work all day?

Your DH sounds really unpleasant OP.

Does he suspect strategic incompetence do you think? Is there any truth in it?

I couldn’t say who is being unreasonable without knowing whether you are habitually a bit rubbish at simple but tedious jobs that he then picks up the slack on. It also depends on how many children you are caring for and their ages. If you have school aged children or one past babyhood then I can understand him being pissed off at having to pick up accumulated dog shit when he works long hours. If you have a newborn then he can fuck off.

Yes that’s exactly where he’s coming from- I do absolutely everything in the house, including cleaning unnecessary mess like his clothes on the floor, the hair he shaves off and just leaves in the sink etc etc. Plus all the stuff like the kids homework and paying bills et etc. What he does do is get up first in the morning and will stick the dishwasher on, that’s great, I don’t need him to do that and I’d be more than happy for him not to, but it’s his choice. We live in a very big house, have two kids and two dogs and I don’t manage to get around it all to keep it looking immaculate like he wants all the time.

I don’t have a newborn, no I have a five and seven year old, so yes they are both at school, but they’ve been on half term this week.

Wow he sounds really annoying. I often think we excuse passive aggressive behaviour because it's not overtly aggressive. He's basically saying you haven't done enough work.

Yes, I’m quite fiery and he knows I wouldn’t put up with that so this is his way around it.

I'm with your DHA

I couldn't be arsed with someone who takes two minutes to open a bag

Your garden sounds disgusting if it takes two of you.

Maybe he should have done it himself. No fuss, no sniping, job done

At least your out doing it together
Mine wouldn’t dream of picking dog poo up 🙈but that’s a different story!
Is he like this all the time in his comments?

The best response to passive aggressive behaviour is very blunt honesty. Because if he's trying to get at you, and you simply tell him the truth, he'll have to be more specific, ie less passive, to get his message across. Or he'll feel he's not getting his message across, and it'll really frustrate him. So, when he asks 'How many have you picked up?' you answer, flatly, 'None'. And that's the end of the discussion. You don't qualify or explain or justify. You simply do not recognise the aggression.

You shouldn't have to do this though. If he's got a gripe he should just tell you.

OP
ignore the drama llamas, dog 💩 doesn’t reek when it’s been there overnight esp in this weather, 6 could appear in 15 mins with two puppies.
MN would have your dog using the toilet if they could.

Well I hate housework so in your shoes I’d get a job and a cleaner.
If you want to stay at home and there are only two children with no SEN and no babies I think it’s reasonable for you to do the lions share of domestic chores during the week, with the caveat that adults and older children should pick up after themselves and not leave dirty clothes on the floor etc. so he needs to stop that shit.

Would you prefer to work outside the house?

I wouldn't be clearing anybody's shaved hair out of the sink, either. Does he want you to wipe his bum for him as well?

@SBTLove thank you, was starting to think I was some sort of heathen who shouldn’t have dogs or children!

Why do you need poo bags plural if collecting multiple poos in the garden. Surely this is a one person job. Bucket with a small liner in. Scoop poos up into single bag. Pop in the bin. Leave him to it next time.
But your question is about him being PA about jobs. I dont know the answer but have you tried talking over job allocation with him. Despite you being a housewife he should still be doing some chores. No need to do them together though.

Yes I am more than happy to do the lions hate of the domestic work, and I do, but unless the house is immaculate he will continue to make these little comments. We had marriage counselling about little issues like this And she basically told dh to get a grip.

*Lions share

In truth I don’t want his help- I prefer to do it myself I just want him to get off my case with the passive aggressive comments.