To be happy there is another lockdown?

[Callaird]

I live in London, work 3 days a week at the moment thanks to my employer.

My parents and sibling live 70 miles away. My mum has MND my dad has Alzheimer’s and vascular dementia. I drive to London on Monday night and back to my parents on Thursday night.

Friday I have my 4 year old niece all day, love Fridays!

The rest of the weekend is running around for my parents, there is always lots to do. Medication, food, cleaning, bills, appointments to book (3.5 hours on the phone to 111 yesterday. I called at 10:30am they actually called me back at 5:54 this morning, twice in 3 minutes and I get a voice mail to say they have closed my case so am on hold to them now, 17 minutes and counting)

Mum has 2 full time live in carers, they change regularly, every 3-6 weeks. We do have one regular carer but she is on a 6 week break plus 2 weeks isolation when she is back in the UK. New carers started yesterday, it’s not going well. They don’t seem to hold any information and I have to remind them constantly that mum needs her feed (tube fed), medication or changing her (bed bound) and many other things.

My mental health is shot to pieces but I can’t get to the doctors (in London) as I have to work my 3 days. I did March to August lock down with my parents On my own and it was Hell. I can’t do it again. I can’t travel from London to my parents from Thursday, therefore I will do lockdown in London.

I am really looking forward to it!! Weekends to myself. Having a lie in. Doing nothing for a whole day but slob around in my pyjamas. No driving and getting stuck in traffic for hours on end twice a week.

I'm glad it's helping you.

YABU

So many people are losing their jobs and livelihoods

Sorry I don't understand, will your parents not need help under lockdown?

I can see how given your personal situation that lockdown will be a welcome relief as you can't do anything to assist your parents. I don't see anything wrong with feeling like that. It sounds really full on.

Lockdown will be so negative for so, so many people, but this does not negate the fact that it will being you some much needed relief and space to breathe. You obviously need it so very much- when our parents become elderly, as much as we love them it can be so draining and bad for our own health. Take time to recharge.

YANBU , dont know why people always have to be so negative. OP isn't losing her livelihood so why shouldn't she be positive about lockdown? We can't change lockdown so why not enjoy it if you can and make the most of it. Better than being depressed

I am not sure if you are goady, insensitive or a bit thick

I don't believe Op is any of those things. Sounds like they are burnt out and welcoming an enforced rest from responsibility. Nothing to do with anything else going on.

Your regular life sounds beyond hard work. I wonder you’ll be glad of a rest.

Unfortunately you're still allowed to go
And care for your parents

It sounds like they need way more help than you can give - the carers absolutely need to be in place/useful/be reliable

You could have said "No" to all the caring/driving before. It wasn't a legal obligation for you to be your parents' carer.

I can see why you are happy about it and I hope you get the rest you need you sound like you deserve it.
However i can't say I'm happy in general... its going to be hard for a lot of people.
I do think that personally for me its important to look on the bright side.. sometimes thats hard but there are plus points to a lock down for me at least.
My main feeling is one of relief that maybe this lockdowm will deal with the rising infection rates and we won't have to be as worried over Christmas.
I'm also glad my mother will hopefully be a bit safer as she has a long term life shortening illness and would almost certainly die very quickly if she caught covid. Tbh the lockdown makes me feel a bit more secure about her.
Its going to be hard for my children though.
I'd already psychologically prepared for a Christmas with only my husband and kids no other family. The lockdown hasn't effected that.

From what I understand of new rules, the only thing that will change for you, is not having Friday with your niece (unless you spend the day outside at a playground or similar).
You can absolutely still travel to care for your parents.
Obviously if you want to have a break from it all you can but the government aren't banning you from seeing them.

That’s great op. Happy days for you.

Wow

I would suggest if it's wrecked you that much you need to look at your life/work/caring balance as a longer term thing and work out what you can or cannot do in terms of care for them alongside your own mental state.

Selfish reasons just as those breaking lockdown do so for their own selfish reasons. Everyone ultimately will support what suits them, but it's only those not obeying lockdown who are labelled selfish idiots

Ugh - what an attitude.

YANBU

It sounds like your parents need more care than one person can give. It maybe time to consider full time residential care? I dont say that lightly. It's a hard decision to make. But your health matters too. Dont run yourself into the ground.

Hi @Callaird I really do mean this in the nicest possibly way but it sounds as if your parents are at a point where they would be better off in care home since they both need full-time live in care. I know that this may sound harsh and I don't in any way think that its an easy thing to decide but it would give them a more consistent level of care with less change of carers (due to burnout). It would also free yourself from all the extra duty (prescriptions, shopping etc) and allow you to have more quality time with them and give you a break as you sound as if you are suffering from burnout yourself.

YABU given your parents' conditions.

@Mollyboom yes because only one set of peoples selfishness actually effects everyone else.
The op enjoying lockdiwm for selfish reasons isn't actually harming anyone other than making people a bit annoyed.

Hi OP - as others have said, maybe this is an opportunity for you to look again at what you're doing and whether it can be eased in some way. For example, you mention your niece so I am assuming you have at least one sibling: could they help out more? What actually needs to be done in person and what could you do from home? Do you absolutely have to have your niece? If there was a possibility of making the trips every other weekend at the very least that would help you recharge.

Caring is so so hard and you are looking after two people with really cruel diseases: maybe some time away will help you to think whether there are other options to allow you to keep caring but not burn you out.

This has nothing to do with lockdown - the previous lockdown didn't cause you to have these caring responsibilities, and the new one won't prevent you from carrying them out. If you can't/don't want to do what you've been doing, you need to find another solution, but it's got bugger all to do with lockdown

Fab that it means a respite for you.
Who will look after your parents for the next 4 weeks?