To be happy there is another lockdown?

[Callaird]

I live in London, work 3 days a week at the moment thanks to my employer.

My parents and sibling live 70 miles away. My mum has MND my dad has Alzheimer’s and vascular dementia. I drive to London on Monday night and back to my parents on Thursday night.

Friday I have my 4 year old niece all day, love Fridays!

The rest of the weekend is running around for my parents, there is always lots to do. Medication, food, cleaning, bills, appointments to book (3.5 hours on the phone to 111 yesterday. I called at 10:30am they actually called me back at 5:54 this morning, twice in 3 minutes and I get a voice mail to say they have closed my case so am on hold to them now, 17 minutes and counting)

Mum has 2 full time live in carers, they change regularly, every 3-6 weeks. We do have one regular carer but she is on a 6 week break plus 2 weeks isolation when she is back in the UK. New carers started yesterday, it’s not going well. They don’t seem to hold any information and I have to remind them constantly that mum needs her feed (tube fed), medication or changing her (bed bound) and many other things.

My mental health is shot to pieces but I can’t get to the doctors (in London) as I have to work my 3 days. I did March to August lock down with my parents On my own and it was Hell. I can’t do it again. I can’t travel from London to my parents from Thursday, therefore I will do lockdown in London.

I am really looking forward to it!! Weekends to myself. Having a lie in. Doing nothing for a whole day but slob around in my pyjamas. No driving and getting stuck in traffic for hours on end twice a week.

Enjoy the break op

@FlatterNow

Hi OP - as others have said, maybe this is an opportunity for you to look again at what you're doing and whether it can be eased in some way. For example, you mention your niece so I am assuming you have at least one sibling: could they help out more? What actually needs to be done in person and what could you do from home? Do you absolutely have to have your niece? If there was a possibility of making the trips every other weekend at the very least that would help you recharge.

Caring is so so hard and you are looking after two people with really cruel diseases: maybe some time away will help you to think whether there are other options to allow you to keep caring but not burn you out.

My niece is the only thing that makes me happy at the moment @FlatterNow! I live for my day with her. I totally adore her and we have a lovely day together.

My brother does a lot to help them both, he does the more practical side though, putting in light fittings, tidying the garden, fetching and carrying, etc. I do more of the care side, sorting out appointments, talking to health care professionals and more recently, sorting out carers, agencies, medicines and household stuff, on line food shopping, meals for the freezer for dad. I feel it equals it out over time.

Thank you for your kind words.

@Callaird

I live in London, work 3 days a week at the moment thanks to my employer.

My parents and sibling live 70 miles away. My mum has MND my dad has Alzheimer’s and vascular dementia. I drive to London on Monday night and back to my parents on Thursday night.

Friday I have my 4 year old niece all day, love Fridays!

The rest of the weekend is running around for my parents, there is always lots to do. Medication, food, cleaning, bills, appointments to book (3.5 hours on the phone to 111 yesterday. I called at 10:30am they actually called me back at 5:54 this morning, twice in 3 minutes and I get a voice mail to say they have closed my case so am on hold to them now, 17 minutes and counting)

Mum has 2 full time live in carers, they change regularly, every 3-6 weeks. We do have one regular carer but she is on a 6 week break plus 2 weeks isolation when she is back in the UK. New carers started yesterday, it’s not going well. They don’t seem to hold any information and I have to remind them constantly that mum needs her feed (tube fed), medication or changing her (bed bound) and many other things.

My mental health is shot to pieces but I can’t get to the doctors (in London) as I have to work my 3 days. I did March to August lock down with my parents On my own and it was Hell. I can’t do it again. I can’t travel from London to my parents from Thursday, therefore I will do lockdown in London.

I am really looking forward to it!! Weekends to myself. Having a lie in. Doing nothing for a whole day but slob around in my pyjamas. No driving and getting stuck in traffic for hours on end twice a week.

I personally am seriously worried about my mental health and can see myself attempting suicide if it's extended beyond Dec 2 and goes on for months. But hey, I'm glad you're happy.

Enjoy the break - you deserve it! No need to feel miserable on other people's behalf, they'll make a fine job of it on their own.

I don't know why there have to be so many harsh replies, I completely understand that lockdown has been and will be horrendous for so many people, but OP clearly needs some respite, it's not bad to be glad of a few weekends to herself, to catch up on some sleep and get a break from what sounds like very emotionally and physically draining weekends. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

OP enjoy the break, make the most of those long lies. You deserve it.

This is the most unbelievably insensitive OP I’ve seen for a while.

I do understand that people are going to suffer with the next lockdown, I know companies are going to under and people will lose their jobs. I’m not happy that these things are going to happen.

I apologise, I didn’t mean it to sound goady, I’m really struggling today, I feel like shit leaving my parents in the hands of carers who don’t seem to be able to hold any information given to them, mum was not fed until 12pm while they sat around chatting to dad eating scrambled eggs on toast. They didn’t give mum her medication or ask the community nurse to check a large sore on mums foot, which I asked them to do last night when I was leaving at 11pm. I had to remind them to do medication, feed and pad change throughout today. It’s almost midnight and I’m writing pages and pages of information for them. The agency is no help, I just want to know that mum will be well looked after when I am locked down in London and to be perfectly honest, not have to think about what is going on, not have to rush back when my dad phones me to tell mum needs her. I just want to be her daughter again, not her carer. I thought that by getting in 2 live in carers that I could take a step back and be me again. My close friends have had children, weddings, big parties, worries of their own and it’s Sod’s law that whenever I have plans to meet up, mum needs me at home.

I think lockdown is a terrible idea. Absolutely appalling. For so many reasons not least due to the disproportionate effect it’ll have on the young and healthy, the rise in undiagnosed cancers, heart disease, mental health issues etc.
But on a personal level, yes, I’m quite looking forward to staying in and chilling out for a month. Still, it’ll be a very expensive month overall. We will all be paying for this for years to come. Well, the young and healthy will, at any rate.

@kittensarecute

I worry about my mental health too. I contemplate attempting suicide too. I’ve cracked open vials of mums morphine, I’ve looked up to find out how much will be enough, I don’t take it because mum needs me. My life is not a bed of roses. I have had 13 miss carriages, never got beyond 11 weeks, partners ended things when I couldn’t carry their child. My parter died and I found his body. My mum is dying of a horrendous disease and my lovely, kind caring dad doesn’t know who I am, hates me, threatens to ‘punch my fucking lights out’ on regular occasions.

I know my post was insensitive and I apologise, I was having a shit morning with very little sleep.

[quote Callaird]@kittensarecute

I worry about my mental health too. I contemplate attempting suicide too. I’ve cracked open vials of mums morphine, I’ve looked up to find out how much will be enough, I don’t take it because mum needs me. My life is not a bed of roses. I have had 13 miss carriages, never got beyond 11 weeks, partners ended things when I couldn’t carry their child. My parter died and I found his body. My mum is dying of a horrendous disease and my lovely, kind caring dad doesn’t know who I am, hates me, threatens to ‘punch my fucking lights out’ on regular occasions.

I know my post was insensitive and I apologise, I was having a shit morning with very little sleep.[/quote]
Please don't apologise, I am sorry if I was rude, am having a bad day. I wish you well x

People will lose their jobs. How can you say you are happy? I can accept people discussing trade offs between unemployed and mortality rates but to say you're actually happy is insensitive.

If you were in danger of losing your job, would you be happy?

I know I’m a bit unusual but I’m really looking forward to it. I loved lockdown last time.

I’ve realised a very simple, quiet lifestyle suits me very well.

@MissEliza

If you were in danger of losing your job, would you be happy?

My job is not secure. If my employer loses her job during this lockdown then I will lose my job.

I totally agree that using ‘happy’ was the wrong word to use. I’m not happy there is a lockdown. I know that lockdown is to try to save lives and help our NHS. I know that we are trading life for life in some cases.

As I have said, I had had a shit day and night last night. They announced the lockdown and my immediate thought was that I would have some time to recuperate. I was wrong to say I was happy.

Christ!

Jeez op, you’re getting an unnecessarily hard time here. Next time post in Chat possibly.
Anyway, it sounds like you have it tough when you’re at your parents, and have had a rough time generally. So enjoy your lockdown rest. YANBU.

It sounds as if you've had a difficult time OP, and I think you've had unnecessarily harsh treatment on this thread. I hope you can rest and recharge this month, and that you can see you parents and your niece soon .

Big hugs to you OP. You are going through a shit time and deserve to be a little selfish. Ignore the posters having a go. If people can’t see that your post was written by someone at the end of their tether then that’s on them not you. Hope you get the rest you need and deserve

Hey OP I get you and I think you should ignore those people having a go at you for being happy. You certainly shouldn’t have to justify feeling relieved by pointing out the downsides of your life! (Which I am sorry to hear about).

Caring for elderly parents can be thankless and utterly draining. The emotional responsibility, the guilt, the loss of your own time. Impossible to understand unless you’ve been touched by it yourself. Please sit back and try to enjoy the time that you have to yourself without feeling bad. You are important too. You’ve been putting so much in to looking after them. There is no need to feel bad about feeling relieved. Take the time to recharge.

It is of course unfortunate that others are in bad situations with lockdown but this is not affected by your relief and total population happiness over lockdown is not a zero sum game.

There is no need to feel bad or to justify your feelings of relief. Enjoy your time and good luck with it all in the future.

It sounds like you need a break even if it is a lockdown.
Enjoy the time to yourself.

I don’t think OP is being insensitive. She’s simply saying that for her, it will actually give her a bit of a rest which it sounds like she needs.

There are some positives of lockdown for some people. For us, there was a worry regarding job security, but there was a lot less rushing around and one of our children was much happier.

OP what you are going through is a living hell.
I'm guessing the posters who are knocking you have no fucking idea of what MND entails.
I'm sorry it's taken lockdown to get you the rest that you obviously need.
Oh and your DMs carers need a kick up the arse. Is she in receipt of CHC funding? Or are SS involved? Someone should have responsibility for monitoring her care plan?? Tell them all that you are backing out for now then breathe.