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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be annoyed/upset

54 replies

Daisy2206 · 31/10/2020 23:32

So I have an almost 4 week old baby, partner was going out with lads tonight to wet the babies head, I was to have a couple of the girls over so I wasn't alone while he was gone. Wine and cheese night, so I'd spent quite a bit on different cheeses, wines, chutneys, nice bread. Had tidied and cleaned key areas whilst running on little sleep...
10 minutes before they are due to come over one friend messages me to ask if they could just pop in for an hour because it's her birthday next weekend a snow we're going into lockdown she wants to see people and celebrate (get pissed) otherwise she'll be sad she didn't get to do anything for her birthday.
I was pissed off and told her to either come for the planned evening, or not bother. So she didn't bother. Nor did the other friend as she went out to the pub too but didn't even have the decency to message me and say she wasn't coming.

Oh and these two girls are supposed to be babies godmothers.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 31/10/2020 23:34

That's total shit. No friends of yours, I'm afraid.

ghostyslovesheets · 31/10/2020 23:35

Too much drama

BackforGood · 31/10/2020 23:36

Well, I think YWBU to tell her not to bother to come. I would rather see a friend for an hour or two than not at all.

That said, I think she was very rude to be changing her plans after agreeing to come to you. she still has Sunday. Mon, Tues and Wed to go out before the pubs shut.

Your other friend was very rude.

GlummyMcGlummerson · 31/10/2020 23:36

Shock you have shit friends OP! You poor thing.

Sadly, I found when I had my first baby I really found out who was a true friend and who wasn't. The list of true friends was a lot shorter than expected. I realised some "friends" just considered me a drinking buddy, and when I can't just pop out for a glass of wine anymore they didn't want to know Sad

Pop the cheese in the fridge and enjoy with your OH tomorrow.

PS your friends are idiots for going out to the pub as a "last shout" before we go into lockdown - can they not see the irony?!

GlummyMcGlummerson · 31/10/2020 23:37

Well, I think YWBU to tell her not to bother to come. I would rather see a friend for an hour or two than not at all.

But why should the OP have her lovely night in cut short because it wasn't good enough for someone else? But insulting to drop by as a courtesy then ditch the OP in favour of the pub

katy1213 · 31/10/2020 23:38

How rude. I'd stand them down as god-mothers, they're not real friends.

Original poster
Daisy2206 · 31/10/2020 23:50

I am definitely having second thoughts on godmothers, we haven't had the christening yet due to covid so I still have time to change my mind.
I do have one lovely friend who knew how upset I was and she came over and even told me to go and have a nap whilst she had baby. She then stayed until my partner got home from the pub. I think she made me realise that actually the others aren't true friends.
I did point out that she still had a few days to celebrate her birthday before lockdown but she kept saying "everyone agrees that I should get to celebrate my birthday too" which basically means she has moaned to some of our other friends about the situation and they all agree with her. Making me feel even worse about it all.
None of them have children themselves so I think they struggle to see it from my perspective. But then my lovely friend also doesn't have children, yet offered to have baby so I could sleep etc.

OP posts:
Original poster
Daisy2206 · 31/10/2020 23:53

@BackforGood I did think maybe I should have let them come for an hour, but actually I wanted them to know that I was upset about it. Its a bit of an insult for them to come for an hour and then ditch me for a plan that sounded much better.

OP posts:
BackforGood · 31/10/2020 23:53

As I said, @Glummy, she shouldn't. However if I was hoping for an nice evening in with friends and had got things ready, and then when it came to it I had the choice of either being on my own and doing nothing, or having one friend over for an hour which might turn into two), I personally, would have an hour or too of company and chat.

GlummyMcGlummerson · 31/10/2020 23:56

I do have one lovely friend who knew how upset I was and she came over and even told me to go and have a nap whilst she had baby. She then stayed until my partner got home from the pub

Cherish this person, what a great friend Grin

It's really hard being the first of your friends to have a baby. I hope that mum and baby groups start up again for you - I know the idea of being around women who the only thing you have in common with is that you've got babies the same age, it really helps to have people who can relate to being a mother

AnneLovesGilbert · 31/10/2020 23:57

I like your other friend. Someone who’ll take the baby while you nap is someone in your corner.

The other two are selfish dicks. Loads of us had our birthdays in the first lockdown and managed to survive without any drama.

The night you planned sounded really lovely, I’d have bitten your hand off. Glad you had some nice company and use this as a way of reassessing your friendships. No hurry on godparent decisions but you pick the people who show up!

justilou1 · 31/10/2020 23:59

I know who I’d choose as godmother

gurglebelly · 01/11/2020 00:03

@justilou1

I know who I’d choose as godmother
This. Not the 'I want to get pissed' gang
BackforGood · 01/11/2020 00:07

I too like your other friend.
Why wasn't she invited in the first place ?

Laserbird16 · 01/11/2020 00:17

YANBU. Friendship are the sum of little actions over time. You may have enjoyed these people's company but your lives are taking different paths so now you see their character. A commitment is a commitment and should be honoured even if a more exciting offer comes up. A true friend may want to go for drinks but would know you were looking forward to seeing them and would put you first.

Friends make the effort for each other consistently. Great friends you don't even need to see all the time but you know you love them and they love you.

I'd prioritise those who put you high in their priorities.

Apileofballyhoo · 01/11/2020 00:46

Also wondering why the nice friend wasn't invited or asked to be a godmother, as it seems like you're close.

Original poster
Daisy2206 · 01/11/2020 01:31

The nice friend was invited in the first place, but wasn't sure if she could make it as she had prior arrangements and didn't know when they'd finish. But as she'd heard what the others had done, she made sure she came over x

OP posts:
Original poster
Daisy2206 · 01/11/2020 01:34

@GlummyMcGlummerson
A couple of groups near me had started again on a smaller scale with a booking system. We were booked to go to our first group on the 11th,but now I guess it won't happen due to lockdown :(
I do have an old childhood friend who had her baby about a week after me, we have chatted a lot through pregnancy so this will probably continue with having the babies too.
And my sis in law has had a baby 6 days after me, we are close too so I do have someone to talk to there as well

OP posts:
FloraButterCookie · 01/11/2020 01:50

She’d be sad if she didn’t get out for her birthday? What age is she? We are already in lockdown so my DS had to cancel his party. I felt bad for him as he’s a kid but ur friend is being precious. Other friend is also plain rude

YANBU

BlueThistles · 01/11/2020 02:08

These are not your friends OP.. and the BigBaby that needed to celebrate her Birthday sounds like a right twadge ..

I'd be cutting my loses and ditching the 3 of them... and no real loss at all 🌺

HaleNo · 01/11/2020 02:15

BlueThistles third friend had prior commitments but changed them when she heard about the other two.

1forAll74 · 01/11/2020 02:41

Perhaps one hour is enough, if you are going to be talking about babies all night.

Bluesheep8 · 01/11/2020 06:49

Sorry if this is off topic but 2 godmothers? I've never heard of this, I thought it was 1 godmother and 1 godfather? Confused

SnuggyBuggy · 01/11/2020 06:53

Prioritise those who treat you well. I'd reconsider them as Godparents as they basically treated you like sloppy seconds.

billy1966 · 01/11/2020 07:17

Definitely have rethink regarding godmothers.

The world is littered with godmothers that are no longer friends with the parents.

Choose ver carefully who will last the distance!