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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Husband can't cook

157 replies

hashbrownsandwich · 31/10/2020 10:36

Husband lived alone for 15 years. He is successful in his job and is highly skilled, so he's by no means unintelligent.
I am a trained chef. I don't work in the industry anymore but obviously that's my background.

Sometimes, I get fed up of being chief meal planner, shopper and cook, on top of working 4 shifts a week in my day job.

We have a reoccurring argument because whenever he cooks, I can guarantee it will either be undercooked/overcooked or cold by the time he's dicked about trying to plate up (aka splat it on a plate).

He says I'm being an ungrateful cow when he serves up undercooked food to the family. For example, this morning as I'm not feeling great he said he would cook some hash browns, beans and toast.

He literally follows the packet instructions to the dot. I can clearly see the hash browns are raw, he serves them up and he's taken so long doing the toast that the beans are cold.

I tell him we can't eat raw potatoes and they need longer. He hits the roof saying I'm ungrateful and they're edible.

Am I being an ungrateful snob?

His line is always that he needs more practice to cook properly, yet he won't accept when he's wrong so he's never going to learn.

When he lived alone he would eat some very strange combinations and I've tried to explain to him that while he might enjoy something like pork chops and pasta, it's not something I would serve to the family.

Sorry I think I'm just ranting now!

OP posts:
SandyY2K · 01/11/2020 11:28

OMG SCRAP MY LAST REPLY, THAT WAS MY PREVIOUS HUSBAND

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Seems like there's a common denominator with your husbands ....they can't cook.

My DH follows recipes to the letter on the rare occasions he cooks a proper meal from scratch rather than one of Tescos finest and it turns out well.

hashbrownsandwich · 01/11/2020 11:46

@SandyY2K

OMG SCRAP MY LAST REPLY, THAT WAS MY PREVIOUS HUSBAND

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Seems like there's a common denominator with your husbands ....they can't cook.

My DH follows recipes to the letter on the rare occasions he cooks a proper meal from scratch rather than one of Tescos finest and it turns out well.

The first one was entirely unhousetrained. The second is fine in every way apart from his cooking GrinBlush

OP posts:
Neolara · 01/11/2020 11:54

Get him Jamie Oliver's Ministry of Food for Xmas. It's cooking for people who have no idea. I'm veggie and had never cooked meat. I bought it so that I had a few basic meat recipes I could feed the kids. Apparently they are very nice and they are pretty fool proof.

Silentplikebath · 01/11/2020 12:15

@hashbrownsandwich, I think you sound a bit over critical. I’m not a good cook but it’s horrible being criticised when you’ve tried to make an effort. My ex used to be so rude about my efforts that I gave up cooking completely. I refused to make anything that couldn’t just be microwaved or heated up. My lovely DH is never rude about my food because he appreciates a meal, whether it took 10 minutes to throw together or a long time of careful preparation.

You need to encourage DH rather than be unpleasant!

SweetPetrichor · 01/11/2020 12:44

My DP is not much of a cook. He’d be willing to give it a bash, but instead we just have a system where I cook (he helps with peeling, chopping etc) and he does all the dishes. It works better to play to strengths rather than fight about it.

SandyY2K · 01/11/2020 14:30

@Silentplikebath

My lovely DH is never rude about my food because he appreciates a meal, whether it took 10 minutes to throw together or a long time of careful preparation

It's not really about how long it takes to prepare, but the end result.

Also when you say he wouldn’t be rude....there's a difference in rude and being honest. Although the truth should be delivered with sensitivity.

Would you like him to lie and say it was fantastic, if it truly wasn't? And I don't mean subjectively bad...but lacking taste, too much salt, under or overlooked.

I don't think it helps telling someone It's a lovely meal, if it's not cooked enough, overcooked or just tastes awful.

My friends DH cannot cook a decent meal, but what pisses her off, is his lack of appreciation for the very good food she cooks and he minimises what she does....for example..."how hard is it to do a Sunday roast?" Implying that she makes our it's hard. Except when he tried it, the chicken was raw...the potatoes were hard as nails and not cooked, the vegetables were mushy (and it wasn't mushy peas) and the gravy was watery.

He insisted it was perfectly fine and my friend was being too fussy. So she went to cook something else for her and the DC and he abandoned what he had cooked...or he tried to...but she told him unless he admitted it wasn't that easy and that his food wasn't good, he shouldn't eat what she had cooked.

It serves no purpose to say anything but the truth in such situations, otherwise he would think he did a good job.

floofycroissant · 09/11/2020 22:09

My DH is not a cook, I think it's a mix of impatience, lack of confidence and being a bit spoon fed as a child. It makes me equally ragey OP.

We decided to get HelloFresh a few time a week to give him a bit of guidance and he's getting on well, the quick 20 min recipes especially. They're quite pricey so I am hoping he'll move on from them, but it's not happened yet.

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