Husband can't cook

[hashbrownsandwich]

Husband lived alone for 15 years. He is successful in his job and is highly skilled, so he's by no means unintelligent.
I am a trained chef. I don't work in the industry anymore but obviously that's my background.

Sometimes, I get fed up of being chief meal planner, shopper and cook, on top of working 4 shifts a week in my day job.

We have a reoccurring argument because whenever he cooks, I can guarantee it will either be undercooked/overcooked or cold by the time he's dicked about trying to plate up (aka splat it on a plate).

He says I'm being an ungrateful cow when he serves up undercooked food to the family. For example, this morning as I'm not feeling great he said he would cook some hash browns, beans and toast.

He literally follows the packet instructions to the dot. I can clearly see the hash browns are raw, he serves them up and he's taken so long doing the toast that the beans are cold.

I tell him we can't eat raw potatoes and they need longer. He hits the roof saying I'm ungrateful and they're edible.

Am I being an ungrateful snob?

His line is always that he needs more practice to cook properly, yet he won't accept when he's wrong so he's never going to learn.

When he lived alone he would eat some very strange combinations and I've tried to explain to him that while he might enjoy something like pork chops and pasta, it's not something I would serve to the family.

Sorry I think I'm just ranting now!

[quote Burrit]@OnceUponAMidnightBeery haha no he doesn't do other chores! We do share the cost of everything 50/50 though, he is very lazy![/quote]
Oh @Burrit, I hope to god he’s at least incredible in the sack 🤦🏻‍♀️

If he’s so lazy he’d starve, I’d let him 🤷🏻‍♀️ take out life insurance first or cook something he hates every night for 6 weeks or so.

He needs to find something that he can cook & realise that sometimes stuff takes longer than it says on the packet!

Does he realise that you can keep beans warm whilst doing toast??

I would say I'm pretty shit-mainly because I don't like it.

So I tend to prefer easy stuff like chili, bolognaise, toad in the hole.

@OnceUponAMidnightBeery no complaints there 😂 haha I often say I will spit in his food it doesn't put him off, even gave him out of date sausages once, granted it was accidental but he still insists I do all the cooking haha

Ever one to live dangerously, DH is currently in the kitchen making tacos and I'm sitting in the lounge with a prosecco. If you do not hear from me again, presume it didn't end well

Maybe your standards are too high. Not everyone is chef standard. Of course you'll expect an excellent cook as that's what you are. Just accept some people are better at other things

What did he feed himself in the 15yrs that he was alone?

@diddl

What did he feed himself in the 15yrs that he was alone?

This is probably massively outing but he owned a pub so mainly beer but more serious answer is he had whatever the staff meal was.

Before anyone jumps up and says he's expecting me to be like his kitchen brigade were (yes ironically that's how we met) he enjoys cooking he's just not very good at it.

I can't cook to save my life. I burn water. have no concept of time keeping and get easily distracted forget I have something on the hob. my boyfriend is an excellent cook. however he is the world's worst teacher. I try to do something and am critisiced constantly or am watched like a hawk to see if am doing it right. hence we have had some massive rows over cooking some with me fit to stab him. I will try and cook however I will not when he is in the house. now it's only some ready meals or a very basis dinner. or sometimes when it's my turn to cook we get a takawy. we have now learned that he will do 80 per cent of the cooking. I can tidy and wash up after dinner quiet well. maybe be a little less harsh on him and slowly coax him some dyas and get him to help you cook so you are not doing everything.

I suspect it's envy. If you weren't a trained chef he might feel at least a bit sheepish that he's utterly shit at a basic life skill, but perhaps he's taking out his envy on you having skills and him being useless.

Or he's just going to play the helpless male until a mummy figure rushes in.

I think him speaking to you like that is disgusting, honestly. I can't stand men who yell that like. Fucking cowards.

He's crap at something and should be spending the time getting better at it, for the sake of his family. But he won't.

@DaddysGirlForLife

Maybe your standards are too high. Not everyone is chef standard. Of course you'll expect an excellent cook as that's what you are. Just accept some people are better at other things

So she has to eat raw food? Her past as a chef means she has to accept lower standards than if she weren't one? Talk about using a woman's achievements as a weapon.

"Maybe your standards are too high", the motto of low achievers.

I feel extremely impatient with anyone who claims they can't cook.

My husband can't cook. He has no interest in food, any combo will do and as long as it doesn't kill him and keeps him going he's happy.
I love food and cooking. I do all the cooking. He does lots of the other chores. In 7 years I haven't once changed the beds for example, that's his chore.
I don't think there's anything wrong with playing to your strengths.

My wife is a terrible cook, i do 90% of the cooking, its a shame because she is Hungarian, so when her mum comes over she takes up all the cooking and we eat like kings with lovely Hungarian food, just wish her daughter was good a cooking it aswell 😂😂

But her mum has taught me a few lovely Hungarian dishes now

My husband doesn’t cook. He cannot be bothered and isn’t ‘into’ food really. He’d be happy with baked potatoes every night. He, therefore, doesn’t ever do the cooking.
I quite like cooking. I’m quite good. I’d much rather cook than bait rat boxes, move dustbins, clear gutters, fetch logs, hoover, light fires and clean windows. He does all those so cooking doesn’t feel unduly onerous.
Our children all cook well. He’s lack of cooking hasn’t impacted on them at all.

My husband won’t even attempt to cook. I do all the food shopping, planning, prepping & cooking. It’s tedious. However he does stuff that I can’t / do not want to do such as gardening and DIY. It’s a bit annoying but I accept after 20 years of marriage it is what it is. I accept it will never change so have moved on.

My DP doesn’t cook either. He has a few signature dishes he can pull off (winter comfort food) but tbh I don’t mind. He does all the cleaning and is on tea duty all evening, even if I want a cup just when he sat down. There is no mercy
I’d say your DH needs to take on some extra chores to make up for the no cooking malarkey.

“Sometimes, I get fed up of being chief meal planner, shopper and cook, on top of working 4 shifts a week in my day job.”

Ok, so the man can’t cook. He can plan though, right? Can he shop? Yes, yes he can. So there’s plenty of ways for him to contribute right there.

Can he chop? Boil water? Set tables, wash dishes as you work? Do any other sous-chef jobs while you manage the actual cooking? And slowly learn the ropes?

I feel for you OP, I have a similar situation and it’s the timing thing that is most frustrating. My partner is just incapable of planning things so that they are ready at the same time. Like yours, he will let things get cold because he hasn’t planned properly, takes things out too early, leaves things on the side, leaves plated up food to go cold while he sorts out the endless things he has forgotten to sort out. It’s really annoying being presented with a stone-cold plate of food, it makes me irrationally cross!

@hashbrownsandwich

So he's calmed down now and said that he can cook. I still say he can't but I'm not gonna argue that one again at the moment.

He does makes a good kofta kebab with tzaziki, I'll give him that. I mean, it takes a few hours and all the equipment he can find to do so, but I guess at least he tries.

You've even had a dig about the thing he can cook well...

If you have the habit of doing that at home then he's likely no confidence whatsoever.

I never cooked for my ex. It was pointless because I'd get my confidence crushed for something. Including any praise being followed by a comment about how many pans, or how much mess. It's soul destroying after a while.

Nothing to add to the thread but I really fancy a hash brown sandwich now

Just to post a slightly different perspective. My xdp was a great cook, I am not great. I get distracted and forget about things. I cook things for myself I like and aren’t difficult.
When we were together he would always criticise my cooking, and regularly throw things I’d made in the bin. I got so stressed even thinking about cooking, it was horrible. So I point blank refused to cook for him anymore. And the things he threw away were perfectly edible, just not high quality.

The more he criticised me, the more it went wrong! I certainly didn’t learn through criticism, doubt your DH does either.

Just bought frozen hashbrowns for the first time in ages! We used to eat them all the time! Can't wait to tuck in.
My DH can't cook- wait. He can cook, but it's just awful. He seems to have this fundamental, unyielding belief that EVERYTHING requires a dash of curry powder and/or 5 spice. Just awful. Curry in EVERYTHING. His favourite thing to cook is pork chops in a casserole dish baked in tinfuls of Heinz mulligatawny soup- with a dash of curry powder- washed down with a tall glass of gaviscon. Veg? What veg? What's 'veg' anyway? "There's veg in the mulligatawny!"
No there isn't. I see no steamed broccoli inside that Heinz tin. Not even a phantom of veg in there.
Basically, if you want heartburn all night, enjoy DH's cooking to your heart's content. He does other things very well, so I am totally ok with doing all of the cooking.

I always have a bag of hash browns in the freezer - they’re great for those days where you really don’t want to bother with dinner, and so convenient for putting together a quick English breakfast/ham egg and chips/beans and sausages type meal. Bit of veg on the side and you actually have a well balanced meal.

I guess the thing is, he wants to cook. Not all the time but he says he used to enjoy cooking (as I say, I can't vouch for the quality or content of the meals he would cook himself) but he's scared to now because he knows I'll be critical.

Well you said he follows the instructions to the letter, which is his logical side you have mentioned. Cooking isn’t logical, it’s an art in a way because the recipes and instructions are often just rough guidelines. If he wants to learn to cook, perhaps start cooking things together? You can teach him tips as you go. Make the meal a joint effort before he attempts anything on his own. I have to admit, although I can cook well, I’d be very anxious if my partner were a trained chef and tended to criticise my cooking every time I made anything.

Hmm MIL can't cook. Brought her DC up on packet food and has no idea when, for example, a casserole or cake is cooked by smell. I don't think I've ever checked timings except for the most delicate things such as filo. Possibly due to learning to cook on an Aga and was close to cordon bleu trained. I also grew up in a family that was interested in food. DH therefore had a double whammy.

DH can make me toast, can put pizza in the oven, took the dc out if he had to babysit. But he has earnt a lot of money, is incredibly organised, does the bins and is meticulously tidy. On the whole our inputs into our family unit have been equal.

He was 29 when we got married. Catered hall at uni; lived with grandparents during pupillage, lived with gf for a couple of years (and their were arguments over his lack of domesticity/disinterest in dusting and her untidyness. He only lived alone for about 4/5 months when he lived on fish and chips, pie and chips, sausage rolls, would heat up Brains Faggots and eat cold baked beans to save the saucepan.

He was astonished when I cd cook up delicious thing quickly. Still is 30 years on.