To think kids shouldn’t be made to kiss goodbye to elderly relatives

[Lardlizard]

I hated it as a child

Children shouldn't be forced / cajoled / guilt-tripped into having any kind of physical contact with ANYONE.

From aged eight, it was expected of me that I always kissed my stepmother goodbye. I absolutely hated it, because I hated her. I still struggle with it now.

Nobody should be made to kiss anyone. As everyone on the thread has said.

Why did you specify "elderly" in the OP? In my family it's always tended to be cousins and younger married couples without children.

Don’t just smile and shrug. Say “ they have their own mind, I can’t make them”.

Mine do not have to kiss or cuddle.

My son has decided he hates kisses from everyone, Ive said that's ok but he has to still be polite. He doesn't mind hugs so he can hug the relatives that he wants to, or offer a high five. I wouldn't make him kiss anyone, but I won't tolerate him being rude to them either!

@Lardlizard YANBU at all. I hate it. Children should not be forced to do anything they don't want to do. I don't think adults should be kissing children on the lips either. Like David Beckham does (and a few other celebrities.) Not that I think it's pervy, but because there are so many germs transmitted via the mouth.

And the 'give granny a kiss' brigade, are the same buggars who bark at their small child 'SAY THANK YOU THEN!' when someone gives them something. (Before they have even had a chance to breathe!)

Poorpigletsrevenge why can't they just say goodbye? Why does there have to be touching of any sort?

@Poorpigletsrevenge

My kids always get a choice of how to say goodbye: Handsake, Hug or High Five. But they are made to do one fo the three as not saying goodbye is very rude. Mostly they choose hug. But there is no pressure as long as they choose one of them.

Why are you making them touch people to say goodbye?

[quote LisaLee333]@Lardlizard YANBU at all. I hate it. Children should not be forced to do anything they don't want to do. I don't think adults should be kissing children on the lips either. Like David Beckham does (and a few other celebrities.) Not that I think it's pervy, but because there are so many germs transmitted via the mouth.

And the 'give granny a kiss' brigade, are the same buggars who bark at their small child 'SAY THANK YOU THEN!' when someone gives them something. (Before they have even had a chance to breathe!)[/quote]
You don't teach your children to say thank you?

Poorpigletsrevenge ugh. Why do your children have to touch someone as part of saying goodbye? You are not offering them a choice at all, as all options involve touching someone. You cant really claim s theres 'no pressure' at the same time as saying they 'must' choose one.

And the 'give granny a kiss' brigade, are the same buggars who bark at their small child 'SAY THANK YOU THEN!' when someone gives them something. (Before they have even had a chance to breathe!)
You don't teach your children to say thank you?

That's not what she said. Read the bit I've underlined for you. Maybe read it slowly so you can understand what it says. If in doubt, ask a responsible adult to tell you what it means.

When DC were very little, we used to ask if they were doing kisses and they would either give kisses or blow kisses. As they got older we just told them to say goodbye. They were free to hug, kiss, wave or just say goodbye.

Children should not be forced to do anything they don't want to do.
While I completely agree, re the kissing/hugging, there are plenty of things kids are forced to do that they don't want to (rightly so). Going to school would be one for some children, homework another, tidying their room etc. Plenty of things they don't want to do that they just have to learn to suck it up and do anyway. I could give you a huge list of things I don't want to do, house cleaning, for example, I just have to get on with it and do it anyway. This is a life lesson kids have to learn as well.

I wouldn't encourage my children to say "ugh I hate kissing nana" because that is rude and unnecessary. Just teach them to say no or explain quietly that your child doesn't like kissing.

@Metroland @SimonJT @shitinmyhandsandclap

Don’t you shake hands at business meetings or kiss your friends on the cheek or hug when greeting/leaving? Don’t you cuddle your family when you see them?

If not, how very odd!

My kids are taught that they can chose the level of physical contact, but an appropriate goodbye is always required. They almost always pick hug, as I guess they learn by example. But sometimes they’ll just high five everyone. They are never asked to kiss.

(Obviously all this mostly applied pre-covid).

[quote Poorpigletsrevenge]**@Metroland* @SimonJT* @shitinmyhandsandclap

Don’t you shake hands at business meetings or kiss your friends on the cheek or hug when greeting/leaving? Don’t you cuddle your family when you see them?

If not, how very odd!

My kids are taught that they can chose the level of physical contact, but an appropriate goodbye is always required. They almost always pick hug, as I guess they learn by example. But sometimes they’ll just high five everyone. They are never asked to kiss.

(Obviously all this mostly applied pre-covid).[/quote]
I only touch people I want to touch/who want me to touch them. To force someone to touch people really isn’t healthy, they’re being taught they have to touch/be touched.

As an elderly relative, I’d be delighted not to have to kiss your sticky kid

If there's bodily autonomy, surely there's emotional autonomy as well. So if your child wants to be grumpy and not even say goodbye to a relative, that's their choice and their freedom to do so. Right?

@Poorpigletsrevenge
Don’t you shake hands at business meetings or kiss your friends on the cheek or hug when greeting/leaving? Don’t you cuddle your family when you see them?
If not, how very odd!

I don't. I don't like touching, it makes me feel like you're touching my insides. I keep my hands firmly by my side or hold all the stuff, I smile, say it was lovely to meet you etc etc. With family that are prone to pressuring i stand behind DH while saying goodbye as he does hug then leave with him so hes a physical blockade. I'm nice and polite. But I do not want to touch you.
That doesn't make me odd, or rude, and actually, it's very rude to expect any physical contact from anyone, demand it, or complain when you dont get it.

Mine hate it. My teens great nan did grab him and gave him a hug when he was younger and he just gave me the look so I knew he wasn't enjoying it but she's nearly 90 and she loves her great grandkids to bits. I think shes the only one he will hug now but we live a 4 hour drive away so we don't get to see her often. Everyone else, it's a no.