To think kids shouldn’t be made to kiss goodbye to elderly relatives

[Lardlizard]

I hated it as a child

YADNBU.

FIL demands DC give him a kiss goodbye. DD will happily oblige but DS hates it and refuses. Once FIL got quite aggressive towards DS, saying "Come here now!" and I had to step in and say that DS doesn't have to kiss anyone he doesn't want to. Thankfully DH backed me up.

Mind you, FIL is a total wanker for lots of reasons.

You have a lovely DM. The effort is so worthwhile with DC.

What class do you think this relates to the most then ?

My grandparents and parents were from very working class backgrounds and it's not a thing on either side so I guess I'm wondering if that was a factor or maybe it's regional, it's just not something I've personally come across

Bleugh the forced kiss. Just awful. I have never forced my dc to do this after those cringy memories.

YANBU. This was the hill I chose to die on with MIL when my DC were little.

I remember having quite a row with my exBIL because one of my DCs refused to kiss his mother goodbye.

He said, in that case he wouldn't kiss DC goodbye either.

I got rather cross at the idea that you withdraw you love from a child because they don't feel comfortable kissing someone. Horrible.

He seemed to feel it was a matter of 'respect' to kiss old people when they want you to.

My mother (born in 1908) was obviously pretty old when I had my children (now in their 30s and early 40s), she always said that it was unfair to expect children to kiss wrinkly old people as they are generally very unattractive.

Oddly enough my children always seemed more than happy to kiss her goodbye.

I also never expect my grandchildren to kiss me goodbye; sometimes they do, sometimes they don't.

At the moment I won't allow my kids to kiss their grandparents, let alone make them.

I was always expected to kiss beardy uncle. He got a bit sleezy when I was older, so I stopped.

I agree with this. I dont give anyone anything from my body if I'm not 100% comfortable with it. There are many times when the pressure to be "nice" isn't good. Say your boyfriend wants to have sex but you're not ready, but it would make him happy.

I was always forced as a kid and now I have massive issues with physical contact. I will fiercely teach my child that you only give physical contact when both you and the other person want to. I never ask for hugs or kisses from kids, and when their parent tells them to and they look hesitant I will immediately say "you dont have to, I dont always like to hug people, how about a fist bump"

My family were awful for hugs. I hate them. I do not like hugging anyone except my partner and my children (but they are teens now so don't like it so I rarely get hugs off them) Luckily my ILs are not huggers at all.

It's not just the generation above. I know someone who is all "my kids have bodily autonomy" yet forces friends little kids into hugs and kisses. Wtf that is about I have no idea.

People should piss off and not touch me (I have autism so I "feel" people's touch for a long time after, I really hate it)

I've never let anyone force my kids to kiss or hug.

Also the hill I'm prepared to die on. In fact I'm constantly being resurrected and dying on it again, because the worst offender will simmer down for a while then start to push for kisses again.

Why on earth anyone gets offended at a small child not wanting to kiss and cuddle them, I don't know.

One section of my family puts great store on ritualised hugs and kissing, even amongst adults. There was great furore when one of them "hadn't kissed or hugged her MIL goodbye". I find it baffling

My nieces are in their teens now but we've always left the decision to them. When they've been leaving my Brother always says to them Say bye to (whoever is there) Its always been their choice what that entails sometimes it was/is a hug & a kiss, sometimes it's a hug sometimes a wave or a high five. Weve always just followed their lead - that goes for my parents too.

No one should be made to kiss anyone else, it’s that simple.

Don't worry. As an older person the last thing I want is some soggy germ-ridden kid slobbering all over me. Much like dogs really - more attractive at a distance.

I thoroughly agree! as a small rather shy little girl in the 60s I hated it with a passion!.My DC were able to just say Hi and Bye and leave it at that !

Oh how I hated this!

100% I expect him to be polite (e.g. waving hello/bye) but never forcing him to hug or kiss.

My kids always get a choice of how to say goodbye: Handsake, Hug or High Five.
But they are made to do one fo the three as not saying goodbye is very rude.
Mostly they choose hug. But there is no pressure as long as they choose one of them.

I had a family friend who would always plant a bit wet kiss on my lips, as a child and when I was a teenager, it was utterly horrible! So no, children should not be forced to kiss anyone, it is a violation.

Agree. I’ll always teach DS to be polite, stand up when people are leaving and say goodbye, but I’ll never make him kiss/cuddle relatives. It’s bad safeguarding to do so.

Yanbu
The only people you can reasonably kiss without their consent is someone receiving the 'kiss of life' from you.

We use to cry and slip out the back door if Nanny got back from mass with her crew.
For years every Saturday we had to kiss all her friends until we were old enough to refuse.

DH had an aunt who loved to kiss both cheeks (where the fuck she picked it up, who knows) and i hated it. I had a cold sore every time i saw her 🤷🏼‍♀️ And i made sure the kids didn’t even start kissing her.

Disgusting.

Consent is very important and no one should be made to kiss or touch (Including hugs/cuddles) anyone else against their will.

Surely the key here is to make your kids resilient enough so if this happens they can just walk away and say “eurgh gross, I hate kissing nana” and then laugh about it rather than everything being a massive deal and mentally scaring?

Children shouldn’t be made to hug and / or kiss anyone. I taught my three year old son to shake hands. People were so gob smacked at a three year old being so polite that they forgot all about a kiss.we don’t go round kissing everyone we meet (especially now) so why should children?