To think kids shouldn’t be made to kiss goodbye to elderly relatives

[Lardlizard]

I hated it as a child

Yanbu but it's really hard though, my mum gets very upset if noone is willing to hug and kiss her goodbye (I dont want to either!)

Agreed.... NEVER force a child to KISS anyone... I asp loathed this as a child 😔

Do you guys try and explain to others it’s about the child body autonomy or just smile and shrug

Totally agree.

I had a maddening neighbour who constantly wrinkled up her prickly upper lip and tried to get my ds to kiss "his auntie Enid".

I told her he didn't want to kiss him.

She wasn't even a friend, let alone his auntie.

I also absolutely hated this as a child.

My grandchildren are very kissy huggy children even at 13 and 9, I am not normally, as I was brought up in an undemonstrative family, but I never questioned that I was loved. However I have adapted but would never coerce a child to kiss or hug if they are reluctant.

Yeah I hated this as a child.

However now as an adult I can't think of anything worse than having to kiss someone else's snotty child, I'm mystified as to why you'd want one anywhere near your face?!

As part of the Sex Ed. programme we use in my school, we teach the word ‘consent’. The focus is very much on bodily autonomy and not having to kiss or hug people you don’t want to, even if you are related to them.

I used to hate having to kiss my gran as a child, she would chase you down for a big, sloppy kiss. She considered it rude not to comply.

My MIL taught me to go with what my children wanted (eldest very huggy kissy, youngest is not). I'm a people pleaser but mil told me to let them choose and she was right.
I suspect she suffered more abuse as a child than she's said (she's told us bits), my dh does not remember being hugged by her ever but at the same time she is so kind and would do anything for us. My dh had no doubt he was loved by his mum despite no hugs or kisses from her.

Does anyone actually still do this? It's never been a thing at any time in my life or in my family, I think it's a bit weird. Is it a class thing?

It's not controversial at all to say no

@plessuregirle

Kids shouldn't be MADE to kiss anyone. If they don't want to kiss someone that should be 100% their choice.

Totally agree.

We can’t bang on about consent whilst constantly undermining young children’s boundaries.

I don’t understand why anyone would vote your being unreasonable here

I don't think it is fair to say it about elderly relatives it is all relatives.They should never be forced to kiss anyone my DC enjoyed a head kiss from DP's Great granny when she was here.

I wouldnt make my child kiss anyone. But we talk about things we can do to be kind to the people we love and we talk about how much we enjoy making the people we love smile. I find he doesnt mind giving our parents hugs. Perhaps it helps that they are not that old/infirm. I dont remember not wanting to hug my grandparents, I loved them.

No we don't make our children kiss anyone. My eldest usually does anyway but my middle daughter sometimes does and sometimes doesn't. Up to her.
The only person who got funny about it was my husbands nan. If got so bad that we had to stop visiting until she learned to respect my daughter's boundaries.
My nephews are late teenagers now and their mum always insists they kiss my mum, despite my mum saying they don't have to.
I don't see why you would make someone kiss someone they don't want to.

I do think children need to be taught that it is not all about what they want and that sometimes it's kind to consider others.

I would never take that as far as forcing hugs and kisses, but I talk to my child about thinking of a way he is comfortable with to show affection, whether with words, or a hand shake or wave, or even playing a silly game.

I always ask, "Do I get a kiss?" 99% of the time it's a yes.

“Does anyone actually still do this? It's never been a thing at any time in my life or in my family, I think it's a bit weird. Is it a class thing?“

What class do you think this relates to the most then ?

@AnneLovesGilbert

Even the most normal seeming relatives can be weird about it. My SM who’s a perfectly nice woman gets in a right strop of toddler DD doesn’t want a cuddle. We don’t see them that often and while DD always leaps into my mum’s arms she takes a while to warm up up to my SM who doesn’t really engage apart from wanting to hold her, while she’d rather be read to, play tea parties, run around madly. Last time SM put her arms out and DD clung to me shaking her head SM made a face at me and said “I’m really offended now, I just want cuddles” so I looked her in the eye and said “she doesn’t want to right now thanks and that’s just how it is” which did not go down well but there you go. Half an hour later DD was sitting with DH who asked SM if she’d like to join them playing with something and she crossed her arms and said “no thanks, if she doesn’t want cuddles I don’t want to play with her”. So fuck her. Either engage with my child on her level and respect her wishes or piss off. This year has been terrible for socialising babies and toddlers and trying to push what you want on small children does nothing to help bonding or relationships.

Good on you for being on your DD;'s side with this. Your SM is pathetic.

Surely kissing, hugging and hand shaking will not make a comeback.

Yessss! I don’t remember as a child but I knew I could see it in my nephews face as he got older he didn’t want to cuddle me like was suggested when I left my brothers house. ‘Give Aunty ... a cuddle goodbye’ no, he doesn’t want to. Just a wave or a high five or anything because it was awkward for not only him but me too knowing I picked up his vibes haha

Mine doesn’t get made to kiss or hug anyone goodbye.

@AnneLovesGilbert What a silly person very immature. DP's DM always plays games with a tea set or bubbles my DS hates anyone looking or touching him he is very antisocial he'll happily hug granny.

[quote EmeraldShamrock]@AnneLovesGilbert What a silly person very immature. DP's DM always plays games with a tea set or bubbles my DS hates anyone looking or touching him he is very antisocial he'll happily hug granny.[/quote]
My mum is the same and has tireless patience for peekaboo, hide and seek, reading the same books a million times, tea parties, playing in the garden. She’s always followed DD’s lead and as a result DD is besotted with my mum. It’s hard to have sympathy for people don’t put any effort in and expect to sweep in for “cuddles” (makes my teeth itch in the circumstances I outlined). She might be young but she’s a person not a bloody doll or performing monkey.

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland

I wouldnt make my child kiss anyone. But we talk about things we can do to be kind to the people we love and we talk about how much we enjoy making the people we love smile. I find he doesnt mind giving our parents hugs. Perhaps it helps that they are not that old/infirm. I dont remember not wanting to hug my grandparents, I loved them.

I’m sure that works for you and your children feel comfortable and their boundaries respected by your parents but I’m uncomfortable with the idea of giving physical affection to make other people happy. It’s a two-way street and a child should never be made or encouraged to be touched or touch anyone else because it’ll another person happy or smile.