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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want him in my bubble anymore?

87 replies

Lizzie523 · 31/10/2020 00:43

I am 29, single and living alone in Scotland, so fairly isolated and being safe. Only going to shops, walk in a park or take out coffee with a friend once in a blue moon.

My parents and a few close friends are in my bubble.

But since day 1 my dad has been acting almost like things are normal. Dont get me wrong - he wears the mask everywhere he should and so on but I feel he is being irresponsible now with going too many places.

He works in a school so already high risk. On top of this he went to the local library yesterday, then went round about 10 shops after. Tomorrow he is meeting a friend in a cafe.

AIBU to basically say I am concerned? He is an adult but I dont feel I will be willing to keep seeing him if this continues.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lizzie523 · 31/10/2020 00:46

Seeing a few YABUs - keen to hear why.

OP posts:
nicerbeing · 31/10/2020 00:49

My parents and a few close friends are in my bubble.

What bubble? There are no bubbles!

lovelemoncurd · 31/10/2020 00:51

I'm not sure what Scotland's rules are. Is he breaking the law? If not then YABU. I would say he's matching the required restrictions ( unless they are dramatically different to here and we are in tier 3)! and you have developed a sort of health anxiety. Isolating too much for too long is going to give you problems in itself.

FineWordsForAPorcupine · 31/10/2020 00:52

Dont get me wrong - he wears the mask everywhere he should and so on but I feel he is being irresponsible now with going too many places

He went to the local library yesterday, then went round about 10 shops after. Tomorrow he is meeting a friend in a cafe.

All of this sounds like it is within guidelines. Maybe you can say exactly how many shops you think would be acceptable?

Tinkerbellflowers · 31/10/2020 00:53

I thought a bubble was where a single person who lives on their own can spend time with just one other household.

flamingyawn · 31/10/2020 00:53

Can you have a bubble with multiple households? I thought it was just 2.

Those who live alone or only live with children, and those who don’t live with their partner, are able to form an extended household with one other household.
The extended household situation can be ended at any time but if you have ever been a member of one you cannot then form a new extended household.

Tbh if he works in a school he more likely to pick it up there than a trip to a library and I can't see why you can meet a friend for a coffee (not sure it's allowed anyway) but he can't Confused

LG101 · 31/10/2020 00:54

Not sure on the rules in Scotland but I think a bubble is one other family not your parents and friends. So straight away you aren’t following the rules either. The bubble is for one adult to have social interaction with one other household. Unless it’s different in Scotland and please let me know.

Is your dad following the rules? Can he meet a friend in the cafe and assuming going to the library and shops are all permitted?

Yes he could be more careful but he isn’t raving, going to parties or breaking rules from what you have said.

If you can meet your friends for a coffee why can’t he? What’s your main concern with his behaviour?

nicerbeing · 31/10/2020 00:54

@Tinkerbellflowers

I thought a bubble was where a single person who lives on their own can spend time with just one other household.

It's an extended household in Scotland. Never heard of bubbles or of mixing with multiple people.

Finfintytint · 31/10/2020 00:54

What makes working in a school high risk? You don’t say if he is vulnerable. Are you vulnerable?

Shamoo · 31/10/2020 00:54

As long as he is following the requirements, I don’t think you can say anything, really. Is there a particular reason you are so worried - are you vulnerable and therefore want to exercise additional caution?

Original poster
Lizzie523 · 31/10/2020 00:55

I havent developed a 'health anxiety' whatever that means. My mum and my 2 close friends I see are both being very, very careful. We are all living similarly.

I mean sure, he can go to as many shops or cafes as he wants but it is stupid to do so. I am not isolated, I am going for woodland walks and occasional coffee. I am not doing several high risk things at once however.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lizzie523 · 31/10/2020 00:56

Also at the beginning he wasnt following the rules and kept meeting people.

OP posts:
Leaannb · 31/10/2020 00:56

You are being unreasonable because he is doing everything he is allowed to do. He is not breaking any regulations. You said you were going to shops...so why is ot bad that he went to shops?

Original poster
Lizzie523 · 31/10/2020 00:56

I am asthmatic. He doesnt have any health issues.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lizzie523 · 31/10/2020 00:57

No I didn't say that. I go to the supermarket, I dont go browsing 10 shops in a day.

OP posts:
nicerbeing · 31/10/2020 00:57

OP you have created yourself a 'bubble' in a country where 'bubbling' is not the rules and you are annoyed at someone else who is following the actual rules Confused

purpleme12 · 31/10/2020 00:58

None of this makes sense
If you have a bubble with all those people then it's you that's not going by the guidelines
I can't see that your dad's not complying with the guidelines from what you've said
So how can you say he's being irresponsible and you don't want to see him???

FineWordsForAPorcupine · 31/10/2020 00:58

My parents and a few close friends are in my bubble

Maybe rules are diff in Scotland but I didn't think "a bubble" meant "you can pick six different people from different households and call it your bubble". A bubble is meant to be a sealed unit - are your "few close friends" only hanging out with you and your family, or are they also picking "a few close friends and family" to spend time with?

Original poster
Lizzie523 · 31/10/2020 01:00

In Scotland we were told we can form a bubble. I stay overnight with one person occasionally, that is my mother.

I see one of these friends once a month - I view this as exercising caution. My dad is meeting a variety of friends every weekend for the most part. Then hitting the shops, then cafes. It is the sum total of all of these things that is the issue.

People can say 'he isn't doing anything illegal' if they want but he isnt exercising any caution and another lockdown is imminent

OP posts:
NerrSnerr · 31/10/2020 01:01

I have just looked and in Scotland- rules are not different- you can only bubble with one household.

You're dad is following the guidelines. You are not. If the amount of people he sees makes you uncomfortable then don't see him but it seems rich to criticise him when you can't follow the guidelines yourself.

purpleme12 · 31/10/2020 01:01

The who bubble thing is the same as in England I just don't think they call it a bubble there they seem to call it an extended household instead.
So this post makes me laugh cos OP is breaking the rules but annoyed at her dad who isn't but is just doing things she thinks he shouldn't!

Original poster
Lizzie523 · 31/10/2020 01:02

What rules am I breaking?

OP posts:
BillysMyBunny · 31/10/2020 01:02

Are you in a vulnerable category? If you are very much at risk should you catch COVID I can understand why you might feel anxious but otherwise you do sound a little histrionic. He isn’t breaking the rules and you’ve said yourself you have close friends in your ‘bubble’ so I don’t see why you are against him meeting his own friends for coffee. If he’s wearing a mask then I don’t see the problem in him going around the shops either, going to the shops or the library where he will no doubt be both wearing a mask and socially distancing aren’t activities I’d see as ‘high risk’ and especially not considering you’re not in an area with a high number of cases.

Sorry but to me it does sound like you are developing health anxiety and overthinking trying to be ‘very very careful’ and exaggerating the risk from normal activities carried out following the guidelines and precautions given.

Oulidae · 31/10/2020 01:02

I think you should contact the police for advice, he could be a potential super spreader

NerrSnerr · 31/10/2020 01:03

Are your parents together or are they two households? How many 'bubbles' are you in?