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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want him in my bubble anymore?

87 replies

Lizzie523 · 31/10/2020 00:43

I am 29, single and living alone in Scotland, so fairly isolated and being safe. Only going to shops, walk in a park or take out coffee with a friend once in a blue moon.

My parents and a few close friends are in my bubble.

But since day 1 my dad has been acting almost like things are normal. Dont get me wrong - he wears the mask everywhere he should and so on but I feel he is being irresponsible now with going too many places.

He works in a school so already high risk. On top of this he went to the local library yesterday, then went round about 10 shops after. Tomorrow he is meeting a friend in a cafe.

AIBU to basically say I am concerned? He is an adult but I dont feel I will be willing to keep seeing him if this continues.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lizzie523 · 31/10/2020 01:29

No I dont go to any friends houses or stay over with them @ThePerfectPintOfIceColdBeer.

OP posts:
AbbieLexie · 31/10/2020 01:30

The 'rules' are clear from the Scottish Government. It depends where you live what the risk is. Public Health Scotland, Covid-19 gives you a section which breaks Scotland down into areas so you can see how things are.
We're following the rules because OH is a front line worker who is primary carer for his frail, elderly mum who lives in a lockdown area. The warden for the supported accommodation is on Day 3 of self isolating. My daughter has health issues. I have health issues.
There is hospital bed shortage looming. I am very concerned about the toll on staff working in these intensive areas. I want the NHS in Scotland to begin to tackle the huge backlog of people needing treatment. If resources are diverted this doesn't happen. eg. Edinburgh Royal Infirmary have cancelled all elective surgery.
Scotland's figures are going in the right direction with our limitations that have been put in place. The government is being over cautious as the new system is brought in but I fully expect loosening of restrictions in some areas to happen in the next 2 weeks. My opinion.

purpleme12 · 31/10/2020 01:31

@Lizzie523

No I dont go to any friends houses or stay over with them *@ThePerfectPintOfIceColdBeer*.
And yet that is the impression you have from your first OP....
Peppafrig · 31/10/2020 01:32

Op your the one not following the rules. Unless the few friends you mentioned all stay at your parents house full runs and from one household .

Original poster
Lizzie523 · 31/10/2020 01:32

Right ok obviously Friday night after a long working week isnt the best time to post. I'm very tired.

I havent been to anyone home since lockdown apart from.parents.

OP posts:
Littleposh · 31/10/2020 01:33

[quote Lizzie523]@nicerbeing I did not make anything up. Nicola Sturgeon told us we could form a bubble and if you look at the link you will see it is citizen advice Scotland.[/quote]
Yes, and if you click on the link within that piece of guidance then it explains what a bubble means!!

FFS talk about just seeing what you want to!!

Quaagars · 31/10/2020 01:49

@Lizzie523

I don't know where to start lol

My parents and a few close friends are in my bubble
You can't have a few close friends in your bubble.
You choose someone who lives by themselves and bubbles up with you (in our case, MIL).
You're not supposed to choose several!

Also, I'm not sure what your Dad is doing wrong from your OP?
He goes to lots of places, wearing a mask.
So what?
There's no law having a wander round the shops or going to the library (I'm in Tier 2 and definitely not the case here.)
So that's why I voted YABU

Quaagars · 31/10/2020 01:52

You're dad is following the guidelines. You are not. If the amount of people he sees makes you uncomfortable then don't see him but it seems rich to criticise him when you can't follow the guidelines yourself

This

SeekingAnswers3 · 31/10/2020 01:57

Your dad is following the guidance and you aren’t.

Also, if this was reversed and your dad didn’t want to see you because you are breaking the rules would that be okay to you?

Quaagars · 31/10/2020 02:02

@Lizzie523
am I breaking the rules by meeting one friend socially distanced a month and being part of a bubble with my parents?

That's not what you said in your OP though! Of course you can meet a friend socially distanced once a month.
You said you were in a bubble with your parents and a few close friends.
Definitely not allowed (happy to be corrected on Scottish laws, I'm going by Englands, even the lowest tier 1 doesn't allow all that)
Bubbles are where you can bubble up with someone living by themselves.
How are you managing to bubble up with both parents?
If they live together, not allowed. You bubble with one person, not people living together.
If they live separately, you're only supposed to have one bubble.
Not two and including them both
said bubble that many times word starting to lose all meaning now Grin

Quaagars · 31/10/2020 02:05

Unless it's you living by yourself, sorry never thought of that - you'd have to be their bubble though, hopefully they're not bubbling with anyone else

TheFormerPorpentinaScamander · 31/10/2020 02:07

Bubbles are where you can bubble up with someone living by themselves.
How are you managing to bubble up with both parents?
If they live together, not allowed. You bubble with one person, not people living together.

Unless the rules have changed, OP can bubble with her parents who live together as she is a single person. I'm bubbled with my mum and step dad. If her parents are separated then she can only bubble with one of them.

TheFormerPorpentinaScamander · 31/10/2020 02:08

Bold fail and cross posted Grin

WitchesBritchesPumpkinPants · 31/10/2020 02:13

All of the rules are irrelevant. If anyone is doing stuff that is beyond your level of comfort you can say you don't want to see them.

Just tell him that with the numbers rising you're no longer happy to do xyz but could meet him for a takeaway coffee outdoors (or whatever YOU are happy with)

Rachie1973 · 31/10/2020 02:45

Your Dad is living. Yesterday I went to work in my role as a support worker. I took a resident shopping in the high street.

When I finished work I went and did a bit of Christmas shopping. Then met my grown daughter for a coffee in a cafe after she finished work.

I wore a mask. I socially distanced. I’m having a life. If you choose to isolate because you’re scared that’s totally ok and is your right. Your Dad though, chooses not to. By all means stop seeing him but don’t put the blame on him for living his life, accept the choice as yours b

Storyoftonight · 31/10/2020 18:46

OP you are swerving the questions. Firstly in Scotland there is no bubble. You can have one person who lives alone. If that is your dad , neither you or he should be in anyone's house (although you are free to meet who you like for for coffee)

ReneeRol · 31/10/2020 18:54

Good for him continuing to live within the narrow boundaries that are currently allowed. He's not doing anything risky and if you tell him you don't want him in your bubble I hope he has the sense to leave you to it.

You want to be overly cautious (at your age you're far more likely to be murdered by an intruder than killed by covid btw, even with asthma), that's on you but don't expect everybody else to limit themselves as narrowly as you choose to live. Other people's lives aren't yours to control.

GreenUp · 01/11/2020 03:52

I'm sympathetic to you OP as I have health issues and haven't left the house since February. I know that COVID would 100% kill me so I am very cautious.

It's up to you to manage your own risk as you see fit, if you don't feel safe around your dad, then it's up to you not to see him.

My only query would be that if your dad catches COVID then he would possibly infect your mum if they are living together so she would pose a similar risk to you as he would.

Isadora2007 · 01/11/2020 04:02

@GreenUp don’t be so dramatic. You don’t know covid would kill you. My 75 year old diabetic dad with one kidney and a previous stroke was warned of his high risk- he had it the other week and barely noticed. Literally.
Many cases of Covid are not serious and some are asymptotic completely.

Redglitter · 01/11/2020 04:34

You seem to be totally misunderstanding what a bubble entails. If you live alone you can form an extended household/bubble with another household. Ie your parents assuming they live together.

So with the current rules that mean you can't go into other households you can go.to your parents and vice versa.

If youre meeting a friend for coffee/lunch that's not classed as a bubble. Thats just meeting a friend as allowed under the rules.

SuperCaliFragalistic · 01/11/2020 05:07

If you don't like what your dad is doing and don't want to meet up with him then don't. What's the issue?

northernmonkeys100 · 01/11/2020 05:16

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

AuntieMarys · 01/11/2020 05:35

You are being ridiculous. Don't see your dad if you think he is being reckless. Which he isn't.

CecilyP · 01/11/2020 06:07

In Scotland we were told we can form a bubble. I stay overnight with one person occasionally, that is my mother.

Bubble is an English thing; it has always been called an extended household in Scotland. You are only allowed that with one household which I presume is your mum. When in your OP where you say, my parents and a few close friends are in my bubble, do you actually mean that because that is not allowed. Or do you just mean that they are the people you see?

Your dad hasn’t broken any rules. It is usually easy enough to socially distance in shops and most libraries are currently run on an order and collect basis. I also doubt he will go on a shopping spree on a regular basis.

Tellmetruth4 · 01/11/2020 07:16

Your dad is living his life and is doing it within the guidelines. If you want to make up rules and restrict yourself that’s your lookout. Don’t impose them on other people.

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