To think this man's "joke" at work was unnecessary?

[Betty94]

Hi all,

I think I'm just being extremely sensitive but I've been feeling down for a little bit and this mans comments has just made me feel like absolute shit -

We had a social distance "baby shower" at work for me and another lady and it was lovely and really nice of work to do this, we played a game called what would mother rather do? And then at the end my manager said okay let's score the girls meaning like what people have said we'd rather do but this man in his 50s said " I give Betty94 a 4/10 and Sally a 8-9/10" meaning our looks, everyone just kind of ignored him but it was really hurtful because I've been struggling with my mental health and ended up cutting off my hair in the middle of lockdown (I've since been to the hairdressers and had it sorted) and I've just been struggling with my appearance and the weight gain from the pregnancy and I don't really care what this man thinks but now I feel like everyone thinks the same and that I look really horrible all the time, I wouldn't even let DH touch me last night and cried in bed - I know I'm being silly but I just feel awful about it :(

Why do people feel the need to make "jokes" like this? Please tell me I'm just being a sensitive idiot.

I agree OP, what a horrible vile twat.. complain to HR, he was seriously inappropriate.

Just lost a lengthy post. In summar;

Again....in summary;
He’s a dick
Your DH responded badly
You are not happy with your body so you need to sort that out for you
Do not report to HR unless you are prepared to go the whole hog and get him sacked.

Why do you care about this man's opinion? He's just proven himself to be someone whose opinion should not be respected.

I hate men like that. Putting women down and/or making sexual comments and then claiming it's just 'banter'.

What a fucking idiot. Don’t blame you at all for being upset but please don’t take it as a reflection of how you look. Some men make the mistake of thinking anyone gives a single shiny shit about their opinion on other people’s appearance. It’s just sexism and misogyny – it gives him a little frisson of superiority to feel he’s in a position to pass judgement on women.

I used to work in an office years ago when I was 21, and it was staffed by ‘respectable’ middle aged men and 4 of us young women (all under 25). They used to pass comments on our appearances all the time. Generally complimentary and sometimes even an air of ‘kindliness’ about it (like they tried to compliment everyone equally ) but it always stunned me that they thought their opinions on how we looked were of any interest or significance whatsoever, or indeed that they thought it was in any way appropriate. The youngest of them was late 40s, and I shouldn’t think they’d have welcomed our opinions on how they looked. (Although we weren’t giving it a moment’s thought.) It’s pathetic that they somehow saw themselves as entitled ‘consumers’ of our bodies.

The guy’s a prick and his opinion is of no relevance whatsoever. He knew his comment was unpleasant, but then that’s how it works – it’s bullying behaviour to give himself a little thrill and make him feel powerful. It is not a reflection of how you look.

He's a complete arsehole. I'm sorry you were on the receiving end of his bullshit but honestly, what he says is nonsense - try to remember that.

Not oversensitive at all, he made an extremely rude and personal comment that was innapropriate and unkind.

I don't know if it's much consolation, but if I had been there I would have come away from that baby shower thinking that he was a huge twat, and certainly not thought any less of you at all.

that sounds out of the 70s and really unkind . if this happened in my workplace my manager would have immediately been down on him like a ton of bricks. also colleagues would have commented, if not straight away due to shock, at the total unacceptable nature of his comments. do you have an opportunity to run it past them eg in a meeting where he isn't attending? then you would feel supported by them and they may have other insights. also, sorry to ask, but are you totally sure it was about looks (just want to check you've not got it wrong accidentally cos of how you're feeling)

He’s a dick! Please don’t take any notice of him

I also think you should formally complain to HR. That is beyond inappropriate and an obvious attempt to humiliate you. Don’t let them brush it off as a “joke”. It’s the excuse bullies (and Trump) always use to disguise their cruelty.

His age is irrelevant, how dare he rate female colleagues. I would definitely raise this with HR. I wouldn't be surprised if other colleagues do to, it's completely inappropriate in the workplace.

You shouldn't have to deal with this crap while at work. Sorry this has happened to you OP.

I meant to add that rating looks in the workplace is sexual harassment.

He’s managed to let everyone know what an utter prick he is. Innocents in the workplace should be grateful to your lovely baby bump!

I’m super fat and could get so down about it but try to find one thing that’s lovely. We’ve all got one thing.

Then believe what people you love tell you x

You're not being unreasonable.
He sounds like an absolute knobhead.
Could you speak with HR about him?
I would!

I meant to add that rating looks in the workplace is sexual harassment.

This. HR, no question.

I'm amazed there are still people daft enough to do this sort of thing blatantly in this day and age.

That is a conversation-stopping clanger of Oscar winning proportions, and I can guarantee that all of your colleagues were appalled.

You need to complain.

He was very rude and a complete idiot. Is he 14, or is he related to Trump?

He's a dick.

He probably didn't mean the scores either, he was more bothered about getting a laugh - which he didn't.

that is awful. Reduced to your looks. what a dickhead.
I would mention it to HR.
Nobody wants to be entered in to a competition against their will and then publicly graded on their looks, with an audience.

He's an absolute cock. It's hard being pregnant at the best of times. Be kind to yourself and try to imagine how embarrassed and stupid he must have felt in the excruciating moments after saying such a thing.

People make nasty comments and sometimes they’re still memorable years later.

Maybe he wanted to be funny. Clearly nobody thought so. Hopefully he was silently cringing inside once it escaped from his stupid mouth and he’ll remember that silent cringe years from now and will think twice before trying again.

Don’t let it be your lasting memory of a really special time in your life, and a really sweet gesture by your lovely colleagues

His comment obviously went very flat, he was hoping for a laugh and failed and no doubt plucked the numbers from thin air. His comments were meaningless. Just let it go, it's not worth your time and effort when you have more important and exciting things going on.

Awful man. Block him from your mind. It's amazing how little they impact upon you when you do that.

He's a dick.

And you know what, your body is amazing... I mean, you are growing a baby! He can't even grow a brain cell as evidenced by his comment.

You shouldn't really let his comments get to you but... I understand it is virtually impossible not to at the best of times, let alone when (if my pregnancies were anything to go by) your hormones are all over the place.

Your colleagues threw you a baby shower which shows that they think a lot of you. They ignored (or pretended to ignore) his comment which shows what they think about his twattish behaviour.

If you want to take this further, HR is the way forward.