Take a Break magazine - guess the story.

[GrapevineFires]

My mum used to buy it weekly. I haven't read one since my teens, but I had the urge this week to do some of the puzzles. I had forgotten all about the sensational, misleading headlines.

This week's cover headline: "Mum wanted a baby so she took my TWIN GIRLS. Only ONE came home ALIVE" (Capital words all TAB).

What do you think actually happened?

Anyone got any other 'gripping' headlines with a very different story?

@ILoveYoga

My BIL and his then GF were in TaB. They’d had sex on an airplane in the loo, everyone on the plane applauded/ cheered when they came out of the loo. Gave TaB and interview about it and they posed for some really cheesy photos for the interview. Was so cringe.

‘Fancy a romp?’ my hunky man twinkled friskily as we listened to the safety demonstration. Seven minutes later we were greeted with applause from the rest of the passengers as we laughingly walked back to our seats. ‘Now that’s what I call EasyJet!’ chuckled the pilot over the tannoy.

I have the fantastic combination of a MIL who is wild for these magazines who is also the owner of a static caravan by the seaside so I fully indulge every time I go there.
Every now and then in the health section of one or another of them there's a piece about how you shouldn't have your toothbrush out in your bathroom if the toilet is in the same room and/ or you should always shut the toilet lid when you flush because shit particles fly up to 6ft away with the force of the flush. I hate it when they print one of these because EVERY. FUCKING. TIME. She will say to me days/ weeks after it 'I was reading my magazine the other day, did you know...' and I want to scream at her 'YES, I DO FUCKING KNOW SHEILA! YOU KNOW TOO BECAUSE AT LEAST TWICE A YEAR FOR THE LAST 15 YEARS WE'VE HAD THIS SAME PISSING CONVERSATION!' But I don't because she's lovely and is just trying to save her family from the poo that floats around the room and coats your teeth if you don't put the lid down/ your toothbrush away. And every time we go to said caravan their toothbrushes are there in the built in holder by the sink and every time I go in the lid is up. Luckily ours and the children's live in the bathroom cupboard in our own pot with our own toothpastes and she's not one for clutter so is fine with them living there whether we are there with them or not.

Oh the top tips are my fave.

Wasn't there a women that used a pita bread as a clutch bag?

OH and I would try to get through thew puzzles in record time, I think our best was 11 minutes, I rarely read the 'stories'. Has anyone ever won anything from TAB?

I love those shitty magazines! Not ‘Love It!’ though, the stories and photos are all of Russians with made up ‘English’ names, very Slavic photos and backgrounds with ‘Jenny, 34, Cirencester’ captioned.
‘His trackie bottoms clung to his todger in the wind as he pulled out a ring from Argos and said ‘will we, then?’’ ‘Yes’, I said’. (Not ‘yes!’ ??), then I failed to take a few pills correctly and was stunned to discover I had ‘fallen’ pregnant!

For fucks sake 😄

‘His trackie bottoms clung to his todger in the wind as he pulled out a ring from Argos and said ‘will we, then?’’

I know it's a very minor point, but nobody ever seems to propose by asking " Will you marry me?" - it's ALWAYS just "Marry me?" Like it's a dull, mundane question on a par with "Cup of tea?" or "Anything on telly tonight?" So irrationally annoying!

Not ‘Love It!’ though, the stories and photos are all of Russians with made up ‘English’ names, very Slavic photos and backgrounds with ‘Jenny, 34, Cirencester’ captioned.

One (of many) things that annoys me with these magazines is when they have a story from someone who's not British but they write it with a British dialect.

One of my favourites was a young woman who'd got pissed at a wedding reception and shagged a someone she'd just met in a bush just outside the venue, she thought they'd been quiet and was 'so embarrassed' when she got back inside and somebody noticed a twig in her hair and then everyone knew it was her.

pinkyredrose

I remember reading a story a bit like that - was it the one where the people at the top table started singing "Boombastic" by Shaggy ("Mr Lover, Lover...") when they came in?

Anyone remember this ?

Haha that was one of the best ever!!

I know it's a very minor point, but nobody ever seems to propose by asking " Will you marry me?" - it's ALWAYS just "Marry me?

And he always proposes with a ‘sparkling ring’

Then

‘But before we could plan the date I discovered I was pregnant’

Then

‘I pushed our baby into the world’

Then

‘In time we welcomed his brother and sister’

Then

‘X and Y joined our brood’

They always have shocking names for the kids too 😃

I remember.... the top tips classic of the xmas slippers made out of pantyliners or sanitary towels (unused as it was a classy.article) I think garnished with tinsel or plastic holly. Do I win £5?...also the fab articles where the the cheeky chappie took his tools to his sidechick/ the author's sister or mother over the road or next door and the author was forced to watch him twinkling over there after work - cue photo of woman looking like Les Dawson in a dressing gown outside house pointing over the road

I love the Top Tips which are really random and the Venn diagram of who has X and needs Y cannot have much of a crossover

Such as

I used an old toy Viking helmet to make a bull decoration for a Spanish themed party

I found a mesh bag in a charity shop and used it to replace my fish pond net

The blokes with chickens / turkey stories might explain something that happened when I worked in Environmental Health. A nun came into the office with a complaint that the frozen chicken she had defrosted smelled of semen .

I'm sending my husband off to the shop for TAB, Love It, and a toffee apple as we speak. Hunky Roy, 38,is always happy to pop to the shops for me "anything for my princess", he says, as he slouches down the road.

I've actually just remembered something - in sixth form, one of my friends was in a different school. I used to buy TAB on my lunch break with Friend 2 and sit in study hall cutting pictures and headlines out of TAB and sticking them onto a sort of letter collage we constructed for Friend 1. We would then post it to her at her school, c/o her sixth form study supervisor. They got to her, as well.

I am pleased to say we all achieved high marks in our A Levels and went on to study at our first choice universities. God only knows how

@ReallySpicyCurry are you a secret TaB writer? That was absolutely bang on. I really want to know how the story ends.......

@walchesterweasel how does a nun know what semen smells like?

Naughty Nun Romps in Cheeky Chicken Semen Shocker indeed

I used to read it years ago. My granny ran off with my boyfriend. Cue sad face. Or Im in love with a ghost. Sounds like it's as bad as ever

@rosegoldivy alas no. I can only dream of reaching those dizzy heights. I aspire to be the Kate Adie of doctor's surgeries and bingo halls.

I have just read too many of the buggers so I know how they go

I love the psychics and tree whisperers they sometimes feature.
Example problem : I get really bad headaches
Example mystic answer ; in 1728 you were a maid called mary ann, living in Coventry. when you went to fetch water one day you fell down a well and the bucket swung and hit you on the head knocking you out. That is why you get recurrent headaches.

My fav one was something like 'Wayne was really romantic, he took me out to McDonald's and had my name tattooed on his knob'

If someone's had a minor medical mishap, like had an operation that didn't heal as expected, there's the inevitable 'An ALIEN ExPloDeD out of my STOMACH!' headline meaning the stitches were a bit manky.

A teen mag when I was younger had the teaser, 'Ronan Keating's shocking secret' but it was just about what chocolate bar he prefers.

From that's life today....PLEASER til he got his VISA

Have we mentioned the sashaying instead of walking? Once u have met the bloke you sashay until he moves on