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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If your partner didn't text you for days

62 replies

RajaGemini · 29/10/2020 08:42

Say they were really busy with work or on holiday, and they didn't text you for 3/4 days straight when you've usually been texting every day, been together for a few months. How would you feel ?

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 29/10/2020 08:43

Not that happy about it
How do you feel?

Original poster
RajaGemini · 29/10/2020 08:44

I think they would find 10 seconds even to write 'hope you're ok, will call later' or something along those lines.

OP posts:
TheoriginalLEM · 29/10/2020 08:44

That i am not a priority

Brondie319 · 29/10/2020 08:45

My gut would be screaming at me that something's not right.. And my gut hasn't been wrong before.

Brondie319 · 29/10/2020 08:46

How long have you been together Raja?

OfTheNight · 29/10/2020 08:46

That they don’t really care about speaking to me. That they’re not my partner, just in it for fun?

TwilightSkies · 29/10/2020 08:46

Yeah I’m not a big communicator but that’s not good at all. He can’t be THAT busy.

Original poster
RajaGemini · 29/10/2020 08:47

5 months. Normally text several times a day,they have got an intense work project on but still, could text before bed/on a break.

OP posts:
SocialBees · 29/10/2020 08:47

I'm not someone to expect frequent texts, but that would bother me. Have you been texting him? Does he just ignore?

SqidgeBum · 29/10/2020 08:48

Alarm bells would be ringing in my head. A text takes 1 minute, not to mention your partner should WANT to speak to you. Seems very .... childish.

edenhills · 29/10/2020 08:48

How many times have you messaged them without reply?

Original poster
RajaGemini · 29/10/2020 08:49

It was me who initiated the last conversation, we spoke for an hour on the phone and haven't heard since then, so i'm refusing to. He was telling me how much he loves me and planning future trips.
Seems really stressed about this project which I get, but still.

OP posts:
ilikebooksandplants · 29/10/2020 08:50

If you have only been dating five months I wouldn’t really class them as a partner, so I probably wouldn’t mind too much.

If it was a serious relationship - an actual partner - I would be pissed off. And a bit alarmed. A conversation would definitely be had on his return.

Crystal87 · 29/10/2020 08:50

I wouldn't like it. As above, your partner should want to talk to you.

Brondie319 · 29/10/2020 08:51

Im sorry Raja, you obviously know him better than we do, but something doesn't sound right.. So he doesn't have 30 seconds to drop you a text to see how you are?

Original poster
RajaGemini · 29/10/2020 08:51

Yeah, I get he's really trying to be focused but it literally takes a second to send 1 text. He's working crazy hours I know, but still.
Up until this point, we have been talking daily for 9 months.

OP posts:
Lindy2 · 29/10/2020 08:52

In a relationship that's going well, after only a few months together, generally talking most days is the norm. It doesn't necessarily have to be a long chat but this should be the honeymoon stage of a relationship where you both want to see and talk to each other. Not having time for a 10 second text isn't making any effort at all.

Unfortunately OP I'd say the relationship is probably starting to fade and isn't going to be a long term thing.

MistyGreenAndBlue · 29/10/2020 08:52

Ask him. Refusing to text because he hasn't is called cutting off your nose to spite your face.

Maybe he's avoiding you, maybe not. One way to find out.
And no, I wouldn't like it either. But I'd ask the question.

Thesearmsofmine · 29/10/2020 08:53

I wouldn’t like it, I think that early on in a relationship you are still in the honeymoon period where you want to check in on each other, even just a quick text to say good morning or goodnight.

YellowandGreenToBeSeen · 29/10/2020 08:53

Hmmm. I work in an environment that when it’s the deadline approaching, we can be in the office from 8am till 10pm for the final week and it’s absolutely, totally full on. Constant without a moment. People get all our meals for us, we don’t leave the office, get cars home organised for us etc. I don’t have the space - mentally or physically to respond to texts during that time. I suppose I could in the car home, but generally I am either still responding the work emails or slumped in an adrenaline fuelled exhaustion, unable to communicate.

Original poster
RajaGemini · 29/10/2020 08:55

He normally does, it's literally just now. It has been going great, 1-2 minor disagreements in the 5 months and that's it, I got a little upset recently (not at him) but due to being in Tier 3 and the possibility of not being allowed to meet, but we agreed we would continue to and find a way.
He's still liking pictures I put online which just annoys me because he clearly has time to do that.

OP posts:
Original poster
RajaGemini · 29/10/2020 08:56

I will give it 2 more days then ask. He's got time to log in, like my pics and post his own, yet can't message me.

OP posts:
Valleygirl27 · 29/10/2020 08:59

I know that if I didn't hear from my partner for days it would really bother me (and I would likely say something) but I've been on the other side of the coin where I have felt so stressed with worked that I literally struggle to think or do anything at the end of the day. I get the whole 'it takes 2 seconds to send a text' but if you're in a situation of serious (actual, not just a bit busy) stress then you can block out other areas of your life. Not a good thing to do but I know how it can happen.
I would trust your gut as to whether this falls into the genuinely stressed camp or just really busy and not making contact with you a priority.

SqidgeBum · 29/10/2020 09:00

Do you mind me asking, what sort of age are you guys? IME, guys in their early 20s have a tendency to do this and get caught up in their jobs without giving the girlfriend much thought, but guys in their 30s should have learned that never ends well. My DH was very career focused pre 25. He then realised I wasnt going to be the after thought.

Original poster
RajaGemini · 29/10/2020 09:00

It's hard to say, he said last time we spoke that he was really stressed about this and nervous, and he's literally messaged me several times a day for the last 9 months.
Still, it doesn't feel right.

OP posts:
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