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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find it creepy that my ex's gf posts pics of my DD

66 replies

Pktjrsmoi · 28/10/2020 17:34

NC for this

I have a 6yoDD , she goes to her dad's every other weekends. X has been in a relationship for a year , ans I have been with my bf for 4 years. X and I are still friends and get on very well.

I have X and his gf on Facebook. She posted pics of my DD before. Her with her father or the 3 of them. I didn't mind really.

Then about a week ago she started posting on her account pics of my DD sleeping with captions like " The love of my life ... The person I love the most in the world" ... Remember this is her PRIVATE account. Her profile pic is my DD.

She posted baby pics of her that her dad has , but on the pics DD is always alone. At least if it was the 3 of them or X and DD I'd understand.

I didn't say anything , wanted some opinions first. AIBU to find it creepy ?

OP posts:
MootingMirror · 28/10/2020 17:36

I think you need to pick your battles. Your ex is with someone who cherishes your daughter and is proud to be in her life - who is being harmed by this? MN hates step-parents so she'll probably get flamed but I think she sounds like a great person to look after your daughter when you aren't present.

Original poster
Pktjrsmoi · 28/10/2020 17:39

The person she loves the most in the world though ? It seems so excessive.

OP posts:
HavelockVetinari · 28/10/2020 17:39

That is bloody weird tbh, it's like she's playing at being "Mummy". Your DD already has a mum, you!

However, I agree with a PP, pick your battles here. Most people seeing her posts will think "WTF?" anyway.

AramintaLee · 28/10/2020 17:42

I hate the word "creepy". I don't think her behaviour is creepy. She clearly loves your DD and aren't you lucky she's not some monster and is embracing this family set up?

However, I'm not sure I'd want photos of my DD as someone's profile photo - even as my own!

If her profile is secure and only select people can view the photos, I don't see the issue. I would possibly ask a change of profile photo though.

2littlefishes · 28/10/2020 17:46

I wouldn't like that either... Especially the ones of her sleeping!
Just say to X that you don't want pictures of your daughter going up on other peoples social media! Mayba add that the odd one in a group/with him is okay but otherwise a big no!!

SquishySquirmy · 28/10/2020 17:46

That's a bit weird if she has only been in a relationship with your ex for a year. Too intense. Although it is nice that she cares for your dd, she sounds very ott in professing her love on Facebook in such strong terms.

Notglam · 28/10/2020 17:48

If my DC dad’s GF did that I would feel really uncomfortable.

I think YANBU but I don’t have a clue how you would approach it without it becoming a “thing”

It’s wonderful that she adores your child but that can be shown in person.

The social media stuff is over the top and is like she’s trying to prove her place in your DC’s life.

PicsInRed · 28/10/2020 17:50

It's a bit "usurper" isn't it. She sounds a touch desperate.

Leaannb · 28/10/2020 17:52

@2littlefishes

I wouldn't like that either... Especially the ones of her sleeping! Just say to X that you don't want pictures of your daughter going up on other peoples social media! Mayba add that the odd one in a group/with him is okay but otherwise a big no!!
She doesn't get to make that decision unilaterally. If dad is ok with it (obviously he is) There is nothing she can do
Messagetoyoucassie · 28/10/2020 17:54

I wouldn't like that one bit, OP. I don't think she should have photos of your daughter as her profile pic, not appropriate at all. It's nice she cares about her but she seems a bit OTT. I'd ask her to remove the photos to be honest. I think we need to be careful about children's photos on social media.

NailsNeedDoing · 28/10/2020 17:56

From your title I was going to say creepy sounds a bit harsh when she’s probably just playing happy families and trying to impress her boyfriend, but actually, that is creepy!

eatsleepread · 28/10/2020 18:01

It does seem a bit odd, full on and intense. Could it be that she is insecure in her relationship with your ex, and feels that she needs to assert her place/importance in their lives.

StoneColdBitch · 28/10/2020 18:03

What would you prefer - your ex's girlfriend loving your DD (even if it makes you feel a bit threatened), or your ex having a partner who dislikes and resents your daughter and encourages ex to spend less time with his child?

Frlrlrubert · 28/10/2020 18:05

Yeah, that sort of thing gives me the squick.

A past acquaintance of mine posts pics of his gfs older child (they've just had one together as well) and gushes about their family and their three children (the third being a stillborn boy she had years before she met him). Red bunting, but then I know him to be unhinged.

AnnetteCurtainPeeper · 28/10/2020 18:06

It is weird, but totally agree with pp, pick your battles. Having a good relationship with your child's other parent and their new partner trumps bringing up weird social media posts and possibly create an awkward atmosphere. Your ex will get defensive and she'll feel really stupid and it won't end well.

I actually posted a picture of SS on my (private) Instagram about 4 or 5 years ago saying 'love this boy SO much' or some similar shit whilst I was drunk, I've cringed about it ever since. Eurgh. She might feel the same when she's had her own kids or matured a bit.

If other than that she is good to your DD and you get on with her, I say let it go over your head.

waitingtomove2020 · 28/10/2020 18:07

Bet she's trying to prove to your ex that she's super maternal by doting on your DD. Next thing she'll be announcing her pregnancy

WorraLiberty · 28/10/2020 18:15

It's a bit strange and OTT

But it's not 'creepy'.

MyOwnSummer · 28/10/2020 18:15

Yeah that's too much. Bet you a tenner she's after proving her mummy credentials so X will agree to have a kid with her.

Either that, or a massively inappropriate oversharer. The sleeping pics, baby pics... just no.

Is your relationship with the X ok? Worth talking to him about it? The key here is how might she feel about all this in a few years time, as a teenager. My guess is massively embarrassed.

Bollss · 28/10/2020 18:17

@Frlrlrubert

Yeah, that sort of thing gives me the squick.

A past acquaintance of mine posts pics of his gfs older child (they've just had one together as well) and gushes about their family and their three children (the third being a stillborn boy she had years before she met him). Red bunting, but then I know him to be unhinged.

What a horrible post about someone who's gone through something very traumatic. Vile.
Pepperwand · 28/10/2020 18:19

I agree that it's odd. My initial thought is that it smacks of insecurity and wanting to put on a public display that they are a united family/she has an important role to play. It's definitely for other people's benefit but I doubt she'd acknowledge it and I agree with the people saying pick your battles. I'm sure other people seeing her posts also think it's weird, I would!

willstarttomorrow · 28/10/2020 18:21

As PP have commented she is one of those people using Facebook to paint a picture no one really falls for. Maybe a hint at how maternal and family orientated she is. My family is spread far and wide so FB is used for various sporadic updates/ staying vaguely connected. There is just one person who feels the need to post about being an amazing mummy/ every one of her DC's achievements or ill judged posts about dead relatives etc. We just eye roll and as it is an extension of her personality so no great suprise.
Poorly judged, yes. Creepy, no. It is not worth falling out over but maybe a quiet word with your ex about it being OTT. However be careful. She loves and cares for your children and as a parent who would not want as many people who love and care for our children in their lives as is possible? Tou will always be their mum. The alternative is at best an uninterested new partner or at worst a bitter and resentful one.

Pepperwand · 28/10/2020 18:21

I also think there's a good chance she feels threatened that you and ex have a good relationship. You're the mum of his child and have something she doesn't. All in all, she's insecure but nothing good would come of raising it!

Frlrlrubert · 28/10/2020 18:25

Eh? His girlfriend has gone through something traumatic, HE is claiming that trauma for himself, he didn't even know her then! I'm sorry but I find the claiming if someone else's grief even more unpleasant than claiming their children are the light of your life.

I'm leaving it now, I don't want to derail someone's else's thread.

TeamLucille · 28/10/2020 18:28

It's very weird, and rather sad frankly

but if it means your DD is happy with them and she genuinely cares for her, I'd keep quiet.

Enoughnowstop · 28/10/2020 18:30

The alternative is at best an uninterested new partner or at worst a bitter and resentful one

This is all my children have ever had from my ex’s partners. It has been awful for them.

That said, it’s OTT and she is clearly not fearful of boundary crossing. This, in my opinion, can become problematic so just keep an eye on it. I would bide my time in discussing it with the ex - if she’s going to go all bunny boiler, you need him on side and willing to listen. I would be wary of pissing him off now with what is probably nothing more than her not thinking. It will,probably stay that way but just be alert.