Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

To open exes post

94 replies

purplepolo · 28/10/2020 17:25

Me and ex have been split for a long time, still sorting out cms and ex won't prove his income.

Hes been told he needs to pay 13.50 a week for two children, based on last years income (he hardly worked last year)

Hes on £130 a day and I know this is true as its what he was on when we were together, since we split hes gone on about pay rises, etc so could be more now (although I doubt it - hes just trying to make himself look good lol )

Hes staying at friends, doesn't have a fixed address and some of his post occasionally comes here. One of his letters today is from his bank (I can tell by the font of the name and address) and I assume its a bank statement as its quite a thick letter.

Ex is not cooperating and isn't answering cms any more and isn't showing proof of income, aibu to send a photo of the statements?

I know its wrong, but I'm at my wits end :(

I am prepared to be grilled haha

OP posts:

LOLeater · 29/10/2020 10:53

I’ve read this thread and pondered (its a slow morning here!) I get really scared about the idea of being caught as I’m a law-abiding soul so my primary motivation would be to keep squeaky clean.

But I’d want to open the letter.

What might happen in a novel? The female character might open the letter, check its contents and establish whether or not it was useful. Then put the documents in a clean envelope and post it to herself from a letterbox miles away, a place with which she has no links. Then days later, it arrives! She could open the letter and keep the envelope as proof it was posted to her.....

It’s tricky because the documents will have the home address on but that’s not the female’s problem. She ASSUMED the ex had sent it to her as there was no covering letter. No one was more surprised than her to receive the information and she assumed the ex was just doing the decent thing....

Let us know your decision OP.

I am way too invested in this!

CandyLeBonBon · 29/10/2020 11:07

@SandwichDistraction

"A person commits an offence if, intending to act to a person's detriment and without reasonable excuse, he opens a postal packet which he knows or reasonably suspects has been incorrectly delivered to him."

It really bugs me on these posts when people say simply opening someone’s mail is an offence. It isn’t. At the end of the day if he doesn’t want you to see it he should have sorted out changing his address, it hasn’t actually been incorrectly delivered has it? And easy enough to say you simply opened the mail that came through your door without looking at the name on it and then handed it over to ex when you realised it was his.

In my opinion it is much worse, morally speaking, for a father to avoid paying fair maintenance for his kids.

This. It's not automatically illegal.

EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 29/10/2020 11:15

If you're the only adult in your household, and ex moved out ages ago, it's logical that all mail sent to your home would be for you.
Why would you check who it was addressed to?
It's not your fault that waste of space ex can't get his act together.
I open all mail that comes to me (apart from direct mail advertising that goes in the bin). Unfortunately my area is served by a crap sorting office, so I occasionally get mail for the same flat number of a building across the road - I might notice it's not for me if the envelope is heavily logod, but rarely.

Original poster

purplepolo · 29/10/2020 14:14

@LOLeater I love how you've worded that haha, I'm now going to invision this little quest as a book for the next couple weeks and see how it pans out 😂

OP posts:

SeasonallySnowyPeasant · 29/10/2020 16:00

I occasionally have post arrive for exH and open it. In the past I've had to deal with debt collectors looking for him and I don't want that happening again. If he doesn't like it then he needs to update his address.

I'm glad you have dealt with it OP. Fingers crossed.

CandyLeBonBon · 29/10/2020 17:24

@LOLeater that is fucking genius!

june2007 · 29/10/2020 17:40

I opened mail in the past as had previous owners post. I opened one so i could contact the sender to let them no they no longer lived here. They were very unhappy I had opened it.

LOLeater · 29/10/2020 19:00

Good luck with the writing Purplepolo!

ChocolateCherrybomb · 29/10/2020 19:50

Given some of these replies, we appear to be in the realms of "men can do whatever dishonest shit they like" but "women must be paragons of virtue at all times".

Sod that.

Bloody open it, he is the one who started playing silly buggers first by hiding his income and not paying for his own kids.

Say you opened it by accident, thinking it was your post as it did drop through your door, not his.

Frankola · 29/10/2020 20:22

I know its frustrating for you but don't open it.

The only way you could use this is to take it to cms. However, considering that opening someone's post is illegal the cms will not be able to use this and would also likely have to report you for doing so.

Thehop · 29/10/2020 20:28

I would definitely open and send

CandyLeBonBon · 30/10/2020 10:58

@Frankola it's not illegal. As many posters throughout the thread have already clarified!

ProfessorSlocombe · 30/10/2020 11:03

However, considering that opening someone's post is illegal

How about we consider it isn't and RTFT ?

Nikhedonia · 30/10/2020 11:20

It's 20 years hard labour for opening someone else's post, don't you know?

Frankola · 30/10/2020 12:09

@candylebonbon @professorslocombe

Postal Services Act 2000. Check it. You will find it is indeed. Its on the government legislation website.

It is considered illegal if its opened by someone intentional to cause delays, problems etc. This would be classed as that.

CandyLeBonBon · 30/10/2020 16:56

[quote Frankola]**@candylebonbon* @professorslocombe*

Postal Services Act 2000. Check it. You will find it is indeed. Its on the government legislation website.

It is considered illegal if its opened by someone intentional to cause delays, problems etc. This would be classed as that.[/quote]
The key phrase there the one about intention to cause harm. How exactly is telling the cms your ex's correct income 'causing harm'?

It's up to them what they do with it. No intent to cause harm from where I can see!

CandyLeBonBon · 30/10/2020 16:59

And actually, the key phrase is: It also says that: "A person commits an offence if, intending to act to a person's detriment and without reasonable excuse, he opens a postal packet which he knows or reasonably suspects has been incorrectly delivered to him."

WITHOUT REASONABLE EXCUSE.

I'd say get excuse was fairly reasonable!

sueelleker · 30/10/2020 17:06

You shouldn't open it yourself, but can you forward it to your solicitor?

Frankola · 30/10/2020 17:37

She doesn't need to open it.

If it has the information cms need she should just send it to them.

THEY need the information. So they should take responsibility for opening it.

None of this will help OP without it being in the hands of cms.

@candylebonbon I very much doubt any legal body would see it as an exceptable or reasonable excuse. That information about exs pay is readily available to cms via hmrc records. So she has no excuse for opening it.

OP also needs to think of exs potential actions. He finds out she's opened his mail somehow and he can accuse her of attempting theft, fraud and alsorts. All he needs to say is she stole his mail with bank details to commit some offence.

Its not rocket science. A desire for personal vengeance wouldnt work here.

Flip

1 2 3 4