Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To open exes post

94 replies

purplepolo · 28/10/2020 17:25

Me and ex have been split for a long time, still sorting out cms and ex won't prove his income.

Hes been told he needs to pay 13.50 a week for two children, based on last years income (he hardly worked last year)

Hes on £130 a day and I know this is true as its what he was on when we were together, since we split hes gone on about pay rises, etc so could be more now (although I doubt it - hes just trying to make himself look good lol )

Hes staying at friends, doesn't have a fixed address and some of his post occasionally comes here. One of his letters today is from his bank (I can tell by the font of the name and address) and I assume its a bank statement as its quite a thick letter.

Ex is not cooperating and isn't answering cms any more and isn't showing proof of income, aibu to send a photo of the statements?

I know its wrong, but I'm at my wits end :(

I am prepared to be grilled haha

OP posts:
CakeRequired · 28/10/2020 20:07

If he was that bothered about you viewing his bank statements he'd have changed the address by now and changed it to paper free. He's an idiot and a stingy bastard, open it and send it to cms.

Itwasntme101 · 28/10/2020 20:10

I'd send it with a covering letter from him. He'd sound a bit odd claiming he hadn't sent them his own bank statement.

SoddingWeddings · 28/10/2020 20:10

Open it, take photos, then forward the bank statement to CMS - the paper copy. Add the case reference number to the top of each page. Don't put in a cover letter. Let them do what they like with that..

EmeraldShamrock · 28/10/2020 20:45

I'd be tempted by it.
Not sure if I'd open it for evidence.
What an absolute shit bag paying 10% of one days wage to support his DC for a week.
I don't know how some people sleep it is the lowest of the low IMO actively avoiding support to your DC.

june2007 · 28/10/2020 20:50

OP how would you feal about ex opening your post? I understand your reasoning but I don,t think it justifies the means.

slipperywhensparticus · 28/10/2020 21:47

@june2007

OP how would you feal about ex opening your post? I understand your reasoning but I don,t think it justifies the means.
They have been split a long time surely he should have stopped taking the piss and changed his address by now
Feelingconfused2020 · 28/10/2020 21:53

I would open it and send it to CMS. At worse it's inadmissible.

NetflixWatcher · 28/10/2020 22:02

I assume post that comes to my house is for me so would accidentally open it then return to sender as not know at this address. After taking a screenshot.

Weeeare · 28/10/2020 22:13

If he doesn’t want you to open his bank statements then surely there’s a simple solution to that.
.
.
.
.
.
Sort out the address.

Clevs · 28/10/2020 22:22

Are you sure it's a bank statement? Surely you'd be receiving them regularly if it was?

Dullardmullard · 28/10/2020 22:29

I’d open it Been there and done it.

Police won’t give a shit or the post office for that matter.

Nonotthisagain · 29/10/2020 06:10

Op isn't going to get into a lot of trouble from opening it! What exactly do people think it's going to happen. "I opened it without looking as i assume post coming to my house is for me"

I've mistakenly opened post for my ex a few times, simply as I haven't looked at the name on the envelope

Dhalia443 · 29/10/2020 06:16

I still get mail for a husband who left years ago! I open it and then give it back😂

Why would I not, he could be up to anything!

DeadGood · 29/10/2020 06:26

“ OP how would you feal about ex opening your post? I understand your reasoning but I don,t think it justifies the means

You don’t?

You don’t think that withholding support for ones own children is worse than opening a letter?

The worst part of your post is, you clearly think you’re coming across as morally superior... you aren’t.

I’d open it, OP.

Lifeisabeach09 · 29/10/2020 06:31

I would open any mail from a dubious ex. He could be using your address for credit purposes.

NeonGenesis · 29/10/2020 06:32

My concern would be whether or not you could get into trouble for submitting his bank statement, if he says that he never gave you one and didn't give you permission to open it.

AlwaysCheddar · 29/10/2020 06:37

You opened it in error, makes sense to just open the post as you’re the only adult in the house. Yadnbu. Do it.

HeronLanyon · 29/10/2020 06:46

I wonder if there is a midway - open it. Do not take photo. Possibly don’t even look at it. Put the opened envelope in new envelope and post it to him with note along the lines ‘this came - I opened it by mistake’. He will assume you’ve seen contents and will use the info.
Bear in mind thick bank stuff tends to be eg insurance renewals m, new account term booklets etc - statements tend to be slimmer.

DeadGood · 29/10/2020 06:53

“ I wonder if there is a midway - open it. Do not take photo. Possibly don’t even look at it. Put the opened envelope in new envelope and post it to him with note along the lines ‘this came - I opened it by mistake’. He will assume you’ve seen contents and will use the info.”

And then what?

MimiSunshine · 29/10/2020 06:53

Oh just open it, if it has what you need. Take a copy and give it to the CMS with a note saying Ex’s proof of income.

They will not call you up and ask to confirm you didn’t open post that wasn’t yours.
The police will not be called and nothing will happen, ex will get notified of the correct amount he needs to pay based on an income of £xxxx and that will be that.

If he somehow realises that they’ve got the info from his bank account statement, And confronts you, you tell him you have no idea what he’s on about and remind him that the CMS can directly contact his employer for that info

opening post is only a crime if the contents is used for nefarious purposes. Good luck to the ex claiming being made to pay CMS is a nefarious purpose

Acdcccc · 29/10/2020 06:53

Normally I'd say no but proving you're ex is wilfully deceiving CMS could count as a "reasonable excuse"

A person commits an offence if, intending to act to a person’s detriment and without REASONABLE EXCUSE, he opens a postal packet which he knows or reasonably suspects has been incorrectly delivered to him.

www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/2000/26/part/V/crossheading/offences-of-interfering-with-the-mail

Longdistance · 29/10/2020 07:04

I’m with ‘open it!’ He could be using your address for credit purposes as post suggested. He should’ve change the address by now.
Let us know how you get on.

Marnie76 · 29/10/2020 07:09

Could you forward it (unopened) to CMS with a Printed note to say what it is. You don’t need to identify who is sending it, just ‘this is bank statement re purplepopexh’ for the attention of etc.
It’s then up to them.
Although, how are you sure it’s bank statements, have they been coming through regularly and you’ve previously forwarded them to him. It’s seems odd if not, could he have deliberately arranged for you to get them because he knows they don’t disclose much income? (He could have another New bank account Where his actual earnings are going)

JenniferSantoro · 29/10/2020 07:16

It’s actually an offence to open someone else’s post.

user1493423934 · 29/10/2020 07:28

Open it, take a photo then reseal envelope and write 'Return to sender - not at this address - opened in error'
Your ex should've organised a mail redirection or arranged to have everything online by now.