To open exes post

[purplepolo]

Me and ex have been split for a long time, still sorting out cms and ex won't prove his income.

Hes been told he needs to pay 13.50 a week for two children, based on last years income (he hardly worked last year)

Hes on £130 a day and I know this is true as its what he was on when we were together, since we split hes gone on about pay rises, etc so could be more now (although I doubt it - hes just trying to make himself look good lol )

Hes staying at friends, doesn't have a fixed address and some of his post occasionally comes here. One of his letters today is from his bank (I can tell by the font of the name and address) and I assume its a bank statement as its quite a thick letter.

Ex is not cooperating and isn't answering cms any more and isn't showing proof of income, aibu to send a photo of the statements?

I know its wrong, but I'm at my wits end :(

I am prepared to be grilled haha

Open it... then read it, take a copy and seal it and return to sender with NOT LIVING AT THIS ADDRESS stamped across the front. Then update us

I had the balliffs round because my old lodger had a parking fine, I returned all his letters to the sender but regret not opening them.

@JenniferSantoro

It’s actually an offence to open someone else’s post.

It actually isn't.

I'll say this for this at the back ahem
ITS NOT ILLEGAL TO OPEN SOMEONE ELSES POST.

Only if you do so to purposefully cause harm.

It’s going to her address, so not like she’s stealing other random peoples mail, FFS.

FGS it is not illegal to open someone else's post

I'd open it.

I find it really disappointing that the DWP for example can check someone's bank account to make sure no fraud is being committed but CMS can't check on absent parents income in the same way.

It shows where the governments priorities lie.

@Derelictwreck she is looking to find out financial info on another person. That’s not a valid reason for opening someone’s post. Postal services act.

Fgs do some of you really, really think the police are going to prosecute op for opening mail sent to her own house?! Be serious. How does he even prove that op opened it?!
If he doesn't want you to open his mail he shouldn't have it sent to you, and, avoid his responsibility to his child. Of course you open it

That's a pretty awful state of affairs @36weekswithno2 ...should we start a petition for that to be changed?

I would 100% open it. Take photos of the inside and forward it on to CMS.

Personally, I'd certainly open it and not feel in the slightest bit guilty. If he really wanted his post to be private it shouldn't be coming to your address, he should have made arrangements for it to go elsewhere.
And no, it is NOT illegal to open mail addressed to someone else, despite the fact that everyone trots this out constantly.

We have the same initials and after three years since he moved out I never thought to check the addressee, I just opened stuff.

Whoops.

@36weekswithno2

If the non paying parent is is paid via PAYE it’s really simple but if they’re self employed they have to apply to the courts to access their account. They also have to explore all avenues before they get to that point.

It’s an exhausting process and yes, whoever wants to start a petition I will gladly sign... with bells on.

@TrulyOutrageousJem that's what I mean, the dwp don't need to apply to the courts to look into claimants bank accounts anymore. It should be as easy for CMS.

I’d do it definitely, you didn’t notice the name. His own stupid fault for not changing his address

@MyOwnSummer a petition could be a good idea. I've no idea how to word it and I'm not directly affected (other than being angry about it on other mums behalf). Happily sign and share widely

I'd open it. I'd send a copy to CMS too. What's he going to do? The police won't take action. They barely investigate stabbings.

If he does challenge it just say you didn't look at the front and thought it was yours until you read it 🤷👼

Then challenge him right back on why he's trying to defraud his kids out of their money.

Open it... take photo and send....100%

@MyOwnSummer

That's a pretty awful state of affairs *@36weekswithno2* ...should we start a petition for that to be changed?

Nz share information between beneficiaries and the tax department on a weekly basis for this exact reason If not providing his company, bank, possible income and they can delve into his private income. You can also ask for a review type of thing when payments lag. And so be it. No ones entitled to not pay there way for a child. I would open and forward to tax department. Really if you got into trouble is it as bad a avoidance to pay for a child? NO!

It's illegal. If my ex opened my bank statement without my consent I'd kick up a huge fuss and get him in as much trouble as I could. Do you want him to do that to you?
How could he prove it was open maliciously? I've accidentally opened my son's letter in occasion. He doesn't live here but sometimes a letter comes. I tend to pick up all the post and open it without really looking at the nsme until it is too late. 🤷‍♀️
I have no reason to expect his letters to come to my home.

I’d open it. I’ve opened mail before for people who owned our house previously as I don’t really pay attention. Then see what the information is and whether it is useful to you and go from there.

Thanks everyone! Someone's mentioned about cms using paye to get his current income, but as ex is self employed/sub contractor i don't think its done through that, but I'm not 100% on that.

I have done something about it, I won't say now incase I jinx it lol but I will post an update on what happens 😬

As above, it's not illegal and if questioned I'd reply with a confused 'Bank statement?'
We barely get post at all here with posties off sick and isolating. So much mail is either late or not appearing at all. I wouldn't think twice.

@june2007

OP how would you feal about ex opening your post? I understand your reasoning but I don,t think it justifies the means.

Dunno about the OP, but I'd feel fine about it, because I'm a cunt who doesn't think I need to pay for my children or update my address, so I doubt I have the intelligence to understand that if I am trying to hide something sending the evidence of it to my ex is pretty fucking stupid.

Two issues here.

1. Opening post. Not automatically illegal, and certainly easily done (especially with letters where the name doesn't line up in the window).

2. Having realised from (1) that you have done so by mistake, gaining advantage from it. That's before the original recipient of the post moves to exclude it from any further legal processes.

If you move to use information gained from "accidentally" opening misdirected post, you could be at risk of a court being persuaded that the accident wasn't. That's if it came to court. Which is unlikely, but never impossible. The courts have seen plenty of people who believed the police would never investigate etc etc etc.

This is a good example where it's good to have the skills to open envelopes undetected. Because then you get the information, but don't need to say how.

Drifting slightly to the off of topic, it's generally not a bad idea to take the attitude that any post that drops through the letterbox of your house with the address correct is fair game. No matter whose name is on the front. At least you can get a heads up if you're going to be seeing the bailiffs for some fraudster who has managed to use your address.

Our house was a short term let before we bought it so there are over 20 previous names that appear on the post here. We've managed to stop most of it with return to sender but some still persists.
These days I open it, bin it and move on and when I had a letter from O2 last year about a new phone contract registered to this address by someone who lived here ten years ago I was rather pleased I'd taken that approach.