Ginger & worried about the future.

[Noimusntforget]

Our gorgeous toddler Dd has red/ginger hair, she’s very pale, with blue eyes and barely there eyebrows and eyelashes.
We’re both dark haired, with tanned skin and blue eyes, our girl doesn’t really look like us yet. Where we are (not in the uk) ginger hair is seen as very unusual and special, but we plan to move back to the uk in the next few years. I have a red headed friend who was bullied for years. When I look at my sweet, innocent girl, I feel fearful for the way she might be treated in a few years.
Anyone else have a red headed child? Is her colouring likely to change at this stage (2.4 months old)
Her hair and colouring is stunning and special to us, but people can be arseholes in life and I feel sad if she’ll have to encounter that.

I have an auburn husband and two of my three sons have red hair. The older one is like his father with freckles and burns easily in the sun. He is completely happy in his skin and has never had any issues. The younger one is 24 now. He has darker red hair, no freckles and tans in the sun. He is very self conscious about his hair, and reports that there was a fair bit of bullying when he was a teenager. I think it partly depends on how many redheads there are at school in their year. I also agree with a previous post that it depends partly on how self confident the child is. My no 3 son has confidence issues even though he is handsome and clever and holds down a really good job.

tortoisshell1985 I'm not a red head but that was nasty, what a complete prat. I had a very attractive friend and some random bloke commented that I must get a lot of her dregs, as she was sooo gorgeous, cheeky get. Then someone said the same thing to another friend about me and she would get all my hangerons, wtf are men thinking. So I feel your pain and your not alone. Men eh

A red here - felt slightly sad reading this post. There are countless things other kids can pick on. Don't make this a thing. She will pick up on it. Anticipating whether or not her colouring will change so that she will be more accepted in society...!?

Likely she will barely get a word said about it - but if she does, well that's life- teach to embrace it.

@Ddot

tortoisshell1985 I'm not a red head but that was nasty, what a complete prat. I had a very attractive friend and some random bloke commented that I must get a lot of her dregs, as she was sooo gorgeous, cheeky get. Then someone said the same thing to another friend about me and she would get all my hangerons, wtf are men thinking. So I feel your pain and your not alone. Men eh

Thank you x

Children bully, if they can find a weakness they will exploit it. My cousin underwent surgery for his sticky out ears. Then one popped out again. My son also had a sticky out ears. We made thing of it, how cute, how lovely, games of how many kisses we could fit on them. When someone tried to skit his ears, he laughed, he saw his ears as an asset. The same child lost half a thumb, his siblings called him mutant. He thought it was funny! It's all about perceptions. However I was totally offended when listening to a colleague make derogatory comments about Gingers, WTF. A grown man!

When a bully chooses a target they will say whatever they can to hurt the victim. If she were to be chosen as a target and had brown hair they would choose something else to use to hurt her. The best thing you can do for any child is build resilience and confidence and ensure you have good communication and they trust you to tell you things.

And I think it's best to treat red hair like blonde or brown hair. Everyone needs to stop singling it out. You can't mention red hair without people saying either negative comments or how special it is. It just needs to stop being commented on otherwise things won't change.

I'm in my early 50s and yes I was teased a lot about my hair at school but nothing I couldn't deal with (having red hair makes you quite resilient!) and I was very tall for my age so plenty for them to have a go at! I was also bullied although I don't think that was to do with my hair. The older she gets the more compliments she will get. I still get people asking if it's natural and what a lovely colour it is! I'd rather be a redhead than a boring mouse or blonde. We are a rare and special breed and she can tell the teasers that.

I have red hair and sorry to say I did experience bullying because of it (I'm in my 30s now). However, I had very low self confidence generally which I feel was picked up on and made me an easier target. I have noticed that children with ginger hair who are also confident seem to have a very different experience.
My youngest DD who is 2 has bright red hair, and fortunately is a very loud and confident little thing which I am grateful for. I plan on sending her to drama and singing groups when she is a bit older to help her to really keep that confidence up and hold her head up high.
I will say tho, as an adult I absolutely love my hair and will be devastated when I start going grey!

I am the mother of a beautiful red haired girl. The thing is- you are, in part, perpetuating this problem by stating that you are worried about her future being a red head- saying this is a potential issue.
Build her up, teach her to be satisfied, happy and joyous about being alive and healthy-don’t create concern, put your energy into building a resilient and proud person with beautiful hair. If you label it a ‘problem’ it may become one.
Whilst there are still people signalling this as a problem it will continue to become a problem. At best this is well meaning, at worst it is discriminatory and possibly bigoted.

Had some bullying as a child. But I feel if it wasn’t for the hair it would have been fir something else. Help her be self confident and kind. My peers are now grey/fat/bald. I am slim with red hair ( a few white ones mind). I reminded them of this and they were mortified I remembered their teasing and a bit quiet when I joked that karma has a funny way of working as at least I have my own hair and don’t have to dye it. She will be fine. Embrace everyone’s differences with her as she is young. Kindness to others is learnt x

I'm a ginger, but it's got darker in older age and now getting a few grey streaks. Three positives. Whilst it was a pain when I was a kid it was never to the extent of bullying. It's now pretty cool with a number of high profile redhead film and TV stars. Even better, Ive kept my hair colour as Ive got older which is a trait of red hair. All my friends went grey in their 30s and 40s. I'm now 60 and I've been teasingly accused of dying my hair. Your DD will have the last laugh. Embrace it.

Yes, encourage your daughter to be proud of her hair. Only about 3 % have it. I read this and then observed it for myself in school. Within a whole school assembly ( pre Covid ) , in every year group of about 100 children ( 3 form entry ) only about 3 children in each of those year groups had red hair. On average 1 per class. Only about 12 in the whole of the junior school of 12 classes. And beautiful they are too !

Times have changed so much. It’s very desirable to be a red head now. When I was young it’s true that you could get bullied for things like red hair, freckles, spectacles. All these things are cool now. Don’t worry.

My daughter was quite "orange" when she was a baby. All the typical ginger traits, very pale, blue eyes, lots of freckles on her cheeks/nose - she looks nothing like me or her sibling (were both dark hair, dark skin). Now she's older it can vary dependent on the season. In the summer it goes bright ginger, whereas now it's more auburn. She has never been bullied about her hair/freckles. If anything she receives positive comments.

My 5 yo dgd has beautiful long ginger hair, blue eyes & the prettiest smile. She is very proud of her "orange" hair (as she calls it) We have all made a point of telling her how lucky she is to have orange hair, I'm always telling her how beautiful it is. I pity the brave person that would be daft enough to try & bully her though as she has the attitude to go with her colouring! 😂

You're lucky she's a girl. It is admired by many in girls and women.
Boys growing up and dating are another thing entirely.
If he's really good lookin or has a brilliant personality then it won't be much of a problem. If he's an average looking lad with an ordinary personality then it can put girls off. I've heard one girl describe it like dating an albino.
Two things I recall ...."Take me Out" the dating show with Paddy McGuiness where one guy gets judged by about 3O women as dating material was on TV and an average looking young red haired lad came down the lift. He was pretty much rejected by everyone immediately, but what stood out was Paddy asked one girl why she'd rejected him. Her answer, while pulling a disgusted face was 'It is the thought of all that red body hair eugh!" Cue everybody laughing.
The double standards were lost of how she was of very obvious Chinese decent and had he rejected her saying "It's the thought of those slitty eyes " nobody would have been laughing and it wouldn't have been shown.
Another time I was in a pub a few years ago when a red haired guy with his girlfriend were sat at a table. He got up an went to the loo past a group of men stood at the bar. As he walked past them on the way back one of the men played a loud ringtone on his phone...."WARNING, GINGER ALERT...... WARNING, GINGER ALERT!"
They all burst out laughing at him. He and his girl left leaving their drinks.
Be grateful she's a girl.

Ginger hair is beautiful. Red hair stands out among a crowd and if anything makes someone all the more attractive. Anyone who bullies someone anyway for whatever they seem is the issue obviously has more issues themselves but that is very difficult to explain to a child.

Red haired men can't even donate sperm, as sperm banks everywhere, including the world's largest one in Denmark, are rejecting them because there is no call for it. That tells you all you need to know about the general attitude in society towards red hair.

I dated a bloke with red hair his mother was a red head his father Italian or the other way round. Long red hair blue eyes and olive skin, well you can imagine gorgeous. He was an absolute scoundrel. Divorced a girlfriend away at university and me. I found out but he got away with it. He had a good job which he abused, (off sick) got a date for a hearing, I gave him a dusy of a get out story and saved his job, even got offered counciling. Anyho I feel better for venting. Men are men whatever the hair colour.

Redhead here. Definitely got picked on when younger. And even now there's comments about it (mid 30s). I hated my colouring when younger but really love it now.
Remember once being in a bar talking to a man, thought things were going well until he said 'Its such a pity you're ginger, otherwise I'd totally ask you out'!
I really hate that it seems acceptable still to make derogatory comments about gingers! I'll admit that when my 2 kids were born I was relieved that they didn't have red hair.

Red hair is very common in the UK so I wouldn’t worry about her standing out. Red hair (especially on girls) nolonger has the negative connotations it once did and is often considered very beautiful. Some of the most popular girls at my UK school had beautiful red or gingery curls.

Just be prepared for the ‘postman’ jokes and ‘is she biologically yours?’ if she doesn’t look like you. Ginger hair genes are recessive so if both parents carry the hidden gene it often skips a few generations!
If it bothers you perhaps do a henna rinse or red-tint your own hair to stop the questions!

My friend and her husband both have dark hair, hazel eyes and olive skin. Their DD has beautiful red hair, green eyes and lighter skin. Her sister has dark hair and dark eyes. People do ask questions but my friend just says her younger DD takes after her great grandmother who had red hair (not sure if that’s true but it shuts them up!!)

My daughter has red/gold hair and 2 of her friend various shades or red/orange and they've only had good comments, not sure if it will change as they get older or would be worse if they were boys?
I'm hoping things have changed. I was quite a timid redhead as a child, one girl tried to bully me because of it but for once in my life I managed a quick retort that I'm still proud of to this day... Telling a nasty 13yo that "I'd rather be a ginger nut than a blackhead" was really quite effective 🤣

@lljkk

It sucks & I feel outraged that British are like this (about red heads).

You can do a lot to instill resilience into your DD so that she doesn't let the bastards get her down.

They’re not.

My DD has red hair although it’s not ‘bright’ red, it’s a darker sort of auburn colour. She also has olive skin and dark eyes so it’s quite striking. She’s never been bullied, nobody has ever even mentioned her hair before.