My mum thinks I'm middle class even though I survive on benefits

[Aibuorwhat]

I'm 29, a single mum with 2 small children by 2 fathers. I have never been married. I am currently on Universal Credit, although will be starting university next year. My dad runs a successful furniture business and my mum is an ex beautician. She was privately educated and comes from quite a well off background but has always relied on men for money. She is also a massive snob. I feel like she is somewhat ashamed of me and my life and earlier told me that I am middle class, despite being on benefits and living in a council flat in not the best part of town. Apparently, you are what class you "feel you are". I do not care what class I am, all I care about is raising my children to the best of my abilities and improving our situation. AIBU to think that my mother is wrong, and I am certainly not middle class?

I wish she didn't care about this shit.

I think its irrelevant what she thinks. If it makes her happy with that thought let her crack on.
Good for you for going to uni. Hope you enjoy it.

@TeamLucille

Isn’t it based on the persons job anyway

of course it's not.

If Prince William decided to become a postie or work in an Amazon warehouse, he wouldn't magically become working class overnight.

Some people even argue - and quite nastily - that Kate or Meghan did not become upper class simply because they married a royal... but no one can disagree their children are.

Which goes back to my post, if Meghan and Harry decided to become working class, they will always have their parent’s back if something goes wrong or their kids need a higher education. Once that m is gone, then you will definitely struggle.

Waxonwaxoff0

Yes. There are professions and levels wealth that we traditionally associate with working or middle class, but someone’s actual class is actually more about how they grew up.

You don't care about class enough to come on here and open a thread about it!

Class has never been fixed. You grew up in a home that had two incomes and two parents, that's all.

Generations ago, class was about what your parents, grandparents etc did, back when if your great grandad was a miner then your grandad would have been and your dad would have been and if you were male there'd be a job at the pit for you too (that's my dad's family history used as an example) you'd live in the same place, socialise with others like you and marry within your 'class' (usually. Always exceptions)

But now your grandad might have been a miner, your dad a doctor and you a successful business owner so 'class' is totally outdated and meaningless (good!!)

If Prince William decided to become a postie or work in an Amazon warehouse, he wouldn't magically become working class overnight

Well no of course not, because he would still be a multi millionaire. He would always be elite. However he is one of the exceptions, class is a macro thing, not looking at the extremes that will never happen. If however he left school and worked as a postie all his life. Or similar jobs, then he would indeed be working class. Multi millionaire posties born royal are hard to find.

Foe the poster who commented on their appearance, your appearance has nothing to do with your class.

And for posters saying it’s about their parents and not them, then I assume it’s not about your parents either, but their parents and so on.

Look at any definition, it is about what you do, as the main driver, it’s not what your parents did. That defines their class.

What difference does it make, what 'class' you are?

Or what class you, or even your mother, think you are?

@FinallyHere

What difference does it make, what 'class' you are?

Or what class you, or even your mother, think you are?

It makes a lot of difference. Social class has a strong determining effect on education, opportunities, jobs, even life expectancy.

It makes a lot of difference. Social class has a strong determining effect on education, opportunities, jobs, even life expectancy

Sure, at a macro level. But the posters point stands, It makes no difference in the ops life on what she labels herself now. None whatsoever.

@Namechangedforconfidentiality

One thing I've never understood, if class in the UK is entirely determined by background, is what of those whose parents had very different backgrounds from each other? This is me - solid, Welsh working-class mother, father from middle-European aristocracy. What class does that make me in the UK? (Does the fact the aristocratic bit of my blood is "forrin" diminish its smartness? I'm guessing it does!)

It doesn’t really matter if only one parent is middle class though because in most cases essentially you would both have money. Your child most likely will have opportunities (money) access to classes, better schools and private education. It’s the whole family unit.

So like the other poster said she was able to live rent free in a paid house because of her parents wealth. It’s all hand in hand.

@Waxonwaxoff0

Class is complex. Being on benefits has nothing to do with whether you're middle class. It's about your upbringing in my view. You wouldn't call someone who went to private school, had successful professional parents, university education working class just because they might not earn a lot. Just like you wouldn't call a wealthy footballer like Wayne Rooney middle class just because he's now rich.

So you can be on benefits and be middle class, just as you can be wealthy and working class.

Absolutely.

@DryRoastPeanut

You’re an unemployed, single mum, with children all from different dads. You’re not middle class love.

I disagree with this. OP is going on to study. She may well know people in high places (family links). Many middle class people will have children with different dads whatever class you are

So OPs on benefits for now it doesn’t matter she has a plan and could well be in a high flying job in 5 years time. Your comment was so rude and not needed.

Funny how people can shuffle up to being middle class and upper middle class , but you rarely hear anyone say they are upper class unless they were born into that class.

@Bluntness100

It makes a lot of difference. Social class has a strong determining effect on education, opportunities, jobs, even life expectancy

Sure, at a macro level. But the posters point stands, It makes no difference in the ops life on what she labels herself now. None whatsoever.

From that poster’s use of quotation marks, I imagine s/he doesn’t believe in the concept of social class in the first place. Though, yes, the OP is where she is at the moment, and where her mother classes her makes no difference.