My mum thinks I'm middle class even though I survive on benefits

[Aibuorwhat]

I'm 29, a single mum with 2 small children by 2 fathers. I have never been married. I am currently on Universal Credit, although will be starting university next year. My dad runs a successful furniture business and my mum is an ex beautician. She was privately educated and comes from quite a well off background but has always relied on men for money. She is also a massive snob. I feel like she is somewhat ashamed of me and my life and earlier told me that I am middle class, despite being on benefits and living in a council flat in not the best part of town. Apparently, you are what class you "feel you are". I do not care what class I am, all I care about is raising my children to the best of my abilities and improving our situation. AIBU to think that my mother is wrong, and I am certainly not middle class?

I wish she didn't care about this shit.

@Wyntersdiary

I would say working class not middle class.

Middle class is professional and business people and their families.
but i wouldnt say a beautician is middle class, i would say thats a normal working class job.

It depends - a beautician working in someone else's salon is very different from a beautician who has their own salon.

I think social class is about what you're born into not what job you have.

Like pps, said, class is based on your background and upbringing. Not how much money you happen to have at the time. It's just that often being middle or upper class means you will have more money, as you'll probably be brought up in a naicer area, get a better education and a professional job, mix with and probably marry someone of a similar background etc. But current financial circumstances and your background don't always overlap.

For instance, if a future government suddenly decides to get rid of the Queen, took away all her land and money and sent her to live on a Council estate (like in the book The Queen and I) - not going to happen! - the queen would not suddenly become working class would she? Because of how she was brought up.

@Aibuorwhat

I'm 29, a single mum with 2 small children by 2 fathers. I have never been married. I am currently on Universal Credit, although will be starting university next year. My dad runs a successful furniture business and my mum is an ex beautician. She was privately educated and comes from quite a well off background but has always relied on men for money. She is also a massive snob. I feel like she is somewhat ashamed of me and my life and earlier told me that I am middle class, despite being on benefits and living in a council flat in not the best part of town. Apparently, you are what class you "feel you are". I do not care what class I am, all I care about is raising my children to the best of my abilities and improving our situation. AIBU to think that my mother is wrong, and I am certainly not middle class?

I wish she didn't care about this shit.

Well, you certainly aren't working class purely because you have two children by two different fathers.

It is all utterly meaningless, because by the definition given on here, you may well become middle class in the future, if you finish university, get a decent job, earn well, and pay off a mortgage. Will that mean you are a different person with different values? Class comes from who you are, not how much you have. There are good and bad people from every class.

It doesn’t really matter. I mirror the PP who said your Mother sounds like Hyacinth Bucket. I think the only people who actually worry about their class are the ones having some sort of identity crisis like your Mum, she’s clearly desperate to portray herself as MC even if she is not.

You sound working class to me but it really doesn’t matter either way, you’re no better or worse than anyone else.

Just looked at wiki, there is apparently no set way of defining class.

Imo it's a mix of background, education and wealth.

The obsession with class in this country is really sad and the reason we are being ruled by this shitshow of a government. The masses will do anything the Etonions tell them to do. Even with Brexit and the covid mishandling we are like: "Let me bend over so you can shaft me even harder"

One thing I've never understood, if class in the UK is entirely determined by background, is what of those whose parents had very different backgrounds from each other? This is me - solid, Welsh working-class mother, father from middle-European aristocracy. What class does that make me in the UK? (Does the fact the aristocratic bit of my blood is "forrin" diminish its smartness? I'm guessing it does!)

I really don’t understand why folks get so hung up on labelling themselves, snd come up with so many defitnions of class.

For some what your situation is is irrelevant, it is what your parents were. For others (snd officially) its what you are not your parents.

Does it really matter. I’m not sure what class you are, you don’t actually work, and occupation is the key definer normally. I just don’t understand why it is relevant to label yourself.

People move between classes throughout their life. You are not just one class and stay in it no matter how your life turns out.

Your parents, to me, as it changes person to person, are working class and you are lower class. It doesn’t actually mean anything and in the real world people don’t even think about classes.

if class in the UK is entirely determined by background

Officially it’s not, it’s about you, but some folks think it’s about your parents and you yourself are not relevant.

I’m confused is she saying this as a compliment or insult or stating you “birth right” ???

I'm from a 'class-less' society, it is rarely referenced and you would be hard pressed to find a conversation like this thread online or irl.

That said I think most people in my country are well aware of where they 'belong on the social ladder'.

It seems your class divided society is holding the population back rather than being a positive. It certainly seems to bring out a lot of snobbery both upwards and down. We have of course snobbery here too, but I don't think it defines our politics etc as much.

I'm from a relatively middle class family. My grandparents were pretty wealthy and my parents' wealth fluctuated a lot, meaning I went to private school but my grandparents paid for it. My father had bouts of unemployment and my mother was self employed. I guess I would consider myself middle class due to this.

Does marriage really factor into it? Can you ever change classes? If it's to do with marriage then I married a person who was born in another country to a teen mum in extreme poverty. He considers himself working class, and he considers us to be a working class family - I think we would raise working class children because of the amount of money we earn and the situation they would be born into, but am I working class by default? I don't think so.

Sorry, not trying to derail. I just think things like the value of higher education has depleted with time due to an excess of people accessing universities, which must mean (unless the middle classes are eating the working class) that higher education can't be a staple of your class anymore. I don't really know what I am either, but I tend to describe myself as middle class to not piss anyone off with my privilege.

A beautician isn't necessarily a middle class occupation by default though. If your mum wants you to be middle class, she could always be donating some money to stabilise your middle class position .

(and if she says you can identify as whatever you want to, then identify as working class if that feels more correct, I suppose)

Mums can be a nightmare. I sometimes think we just can't relate. I'm always defending myself and struggle with my mum's opinions and stuff. I am parenting my way and she did it hers.

What I am trying to do is not waste energy on it because it just make me feel angry and wound up.

You know what you are. You can't change people who are this way. But you can be confident in your own ideas and ways.

@RaspberryCoulis

Apparently, you are what class you "feel you are"

Well if you buy into the idea that you the sex you feel you are, then it's not too much of a reach to say you can self-identify as whichever class you feel you are too.

This. I mean, I personally identify as the Duke of Devonshire, but there's some balding gammon-faced tweedy called Peregrine who says it's his gig, and is a being a bit obstructive about turning over Chatsworth.

Fruitpunch 🤣

Are we living in the early 1900s? People that state they are middle class are just normal people, but snobs.

You sound lovely no matter what class your shallow snobbish mother thinks you are.

Good luck at uni - that in itself means you will be a fantastic role-model to your kids. Far more important than whether you're working, middle, lower-middle, upper-working, blah de blah class.

I didn’t think most people labelled themselves or bothered re class anymore but clearly many still do. Isn’t it based on the persons job anyway?

Maybe she’s trying to put a positive spin on her child’s life or maybe she cares about what others think so has taken that stance.

socio economic class is defined mainly by your job and education. Neither your mum nor dad are professionals. They would be in Class C or D which is trades people . Her private education did her few favours if all she did was manage to be a beautician. your parents are working class both in their lifestyle and her attitude! good luck with your degree.

"Her private education did her few favours if all she did was manage to be a beautician"

This sounds a bit shit if I'm honest. Jobs that aren't "middle class" deserve the same amount of respect. I agree that her mum isn't necessarily middle class, but this just sounds like bashing beauticians.

Just tell her that discussing class isn't very classy.

Her private education did her few favours if all she did was manage to be a beautician.

Snob.