My mum thinks I'm middle class even though I survive on benefits

[Aibuorwhat]

I'm 29, a single mum with 2 small children by 2 fathers. I have never been married. I am currently on Universal Credit, although will be starting university next year. My dad runs a successful furniture business and my mum is an ex beautician. She was privately educated and comes from quite a well off background but has always relied on men for money. She is also a massive snob. I feel like she is somewhat ashamed of me and my life and earlier told me that I am middle class, despite being on benefits and living in a council flat in not the best part of town. Apparently, you are what class you "feel you are". I do not care what class I am, all I care about is raising my children to the best of my abilities and improving our situation. AIBU to think that my mother is wrong, and I am certainly not middle class?

I wish she didn't care about this shit.

You’re an unemployed, single mum, with children all from different dads. You’re not middle class love.

Man, the snobs are really coming out now.

DryRoastPeanut

Unemployed? Single mum? Children from different dads?

Get your blood pressure checked.

@LouiseTrees

If she and he gave you enough money to live mortgage and rent free then you’d be middle class but no I agree with you. She should focus on helping you not being classist.

I quite agree.

In your situation, op, one could say class is suspended! Not that class means much anyway. Don't be too hard on your mum though, she is stuck in a time warp.

I do hope things improve for you in due course, I know it must be hard at the moment.

I wouldnt say you were MC really .Nothing to be ashamed of! I am proud of my more WC roots.But on a recent application for Uni , We were placed as MC by the Computer! So much snobbery here .The media (good old DM and so on obv) take great delight in telling us that so and so in the paper was MC and with a house worth so much,its just bollocks to me! WC people and people with a lower income, rely on Council homes to live in as they cannot afford to buy .No shame there either!

@PatriciaPerch

It could be worse, my Mum thinks I'm like Kirsty Allsop

:-)

Do you have her fashion sense?

However Kirsty Allsop is at least nice, fun, pretty and a very capable woman so there are worse comparisons.

my df is like this i call him a wannabe snob-hes got no problem with people getting benefits but would never get them himself (well he does techinally now so)

its really in their heads op it doesnt matter

@flaviaritt. I didn’t say I had issue with her situation. I stated the facts. She is not middle class if she’s reliant on state benefits!

My blood pressure is good thanks, Not sure why you think my body is relevant in any way. I was answering the original question, not making up one of my own.

If having children by more than one partner and receiving "tax payers money" means you can't occupy the upper levels of the class system I dare someone to tell Boris Johnson

Definately not MC OP with that set up

DryRoastPeanut

Your post was horrible.

@DryRoastPeanut "You're not middle class, love" is one of the most condescending ways to phrase something.

@MaudHatter

If your mum wants a label then she’s working class.

Hahaha, yes! This!

If your mum sees herself as middle class, then she can't have a working class daughter, you can see the reasoning.

If you don't care, just ignore her. It's pretty harmless even if it's irritating.

@UntamedWisteria

Just tell her that discussing class isn't very classy.

Yeah.

Is she a Daily Mail reader too?

My dad once told me that if you have to work for a living then you are working class. A bit simplistic perhaps but he’s got a point.

@Amazonian5 I mean that kind of makes sense. I think potentially savings are a large but understated representation of financial class at least - e.g. how many paydays you are away from homelessness / poverty (if any).

Class is partly about attitude.

My family are working class. But my grandparents did well. My Dad was an engineer. My sibs and I had mixed private- state educations. We all have at least one degree.

My parents tussled with class as their parents and upbringings were essentially working class. But my siblings and I (we have talked about it!) would all say we are middle class.

I'm aware when I talk about life with friends that my family story is different to theirs - landowners or professional jobs back multiple generations. But that is what makes us diverse.

And for the person who equated being middle class with being white I would say that some of the most middle class people I know are British Asian.

@Amazonian5

My dad once told me that if you have to work for a living then you are working class. A bit simplistic perhaps but he’s got a point.

people really don't like it, but it's true

Isn’t it based on the persons job anyway?

Yes, occupation is the main driver for your class and it is what you do. Not what your parents did. That determines their class and your upbringing. It does not dictate what you are as an adult, that is dictated by your occupation, and a wider set of elements to a smaller extent (ie social circle, activities etc) but at a high level yes it’s your overall occupation (Ie not a moment in time , I worked in a shop when I was studying for my degree type thing

My dad has a working class background, however he worked in finance/investments in the City. My mum comes from landowner heritage in Hampshire. Then you have me, who is a single mum, rents, has two dogs and two cats, has blue hair and tattoos. But then again, I'm also a Data Protection Officer for a government owned body so I don't really meet expectations with my appearance. I also grew up in a variety of different places so have a fairly non descript accent. Maybe if I dyed my hair brown I'd be easier to classify....

My understanding is that the argument that goes "your class is defined by what you achieve - culturally, professionally, financlally" is more American, whereas the horrendous British (let's be honest, English) class system is like some sort of doctrine of predetermination, so your parents' situation defines you for life, even if you rise to become Prime Minister (see the appallingly condescending way John Major was treated)!

@Amazonian5

My dad once told me that if you have to work for a living then you are working class. A bit simplistic perhaps but he’s got a point.

He really doesn't. That would be equating the likely educational levels, incomes, lifestyles, family backgrounds etc of Boris Johnson and a zero hours, minumum wage supermarket employee who has recently got leave to remain in the UK. Both work for a living, but they do not sit in the same places on the class system.

Isn’t it based on the persons job anyway

of course it's not.

If Prince William decided to become a postie or work in an Amazon warehouse, he wouldn't magically become working class overnight.

Some people even argue - and quite nastily - that Kate or Meghan did not become upper class simply because they married a royal... but no one can disagree their children are.

Class is complex. Being on benefits has nothing to do with whether you're middle class. It's about your upbringing in my view. You wouldn't call someone who went to private school, had successful professional parents, university education working class just because they might not earn a lot. Just like you wouldn't call a wealthy footballer like Wayne Rooney middle class just because he's now rich.

So you can be on benefits and be middle class, just as you can be wealthy and working class.