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Original poster

Why must men piss so loud???

67 replies

BibbityBobbityBellend · 27/10/2020 18:56

I've been working today in the dining room which is open plan to the stairs. At the top of the stairs is the bathroom. Every time I've taken a call today, DH has had a wee and it sounded like a bucket of water being poured. It's embarrassing. He doesn't do this all the time and I generally don't pay too much attention. I was mortified each time. Sounds like that carry over headsets.

I do remember my dad going to the bathroom in a non-open plan house and somehow everyone could hear him weeing. We would have guests, some of them his friends and some mine and we would look at each other shocked and horrified.

So I know two men that do it. I think that means all men do it. Can you all confirm???

How can they be so fucking unaware? Or have I done the typical and married my bloody dad????

This is half lighthearted/half how can I murder him in his sleep and get away with it!

OP posts:
Hugsgalore · 27/10/2020 18:59

Yes!! I have the same issue with my husband. He pees with the door open all the bloody time. I'm sure my colleague heard him more than once. It is very embarrassing

LakieLady · 27/10/2020 19:02

I'm convinced it's a form of exhibitionism, but with sound instead of sight.

Men can pee quietly if they piss down the side of the bowl rather than straight into the water.

RincewindsHat · 27/10/2020 19:10

I think the sound carries differently in different houses, in my parents house you can't hear a thing from any upstairs bathrooms but I've been in friends' houses where you can hear someone peeing upstairs if you're downstairs and not even directly underneath the bathroom.

BigBigPumpkin · 27/10/2020 19:22

DH doesn't do this. I have asked how he avoids it because my DF always made a massive racket while peeing and I presumed it was unavoidable. DH reckons to make the loud gallon-of-water noise you've got to angle the stream so it actually hits the water.

melodypondisasuperhero · 27/10/2020 19:31

I thought it was just because they stand? My DF is really loud too but DH always sits so not loud at all. I'm not really sure why men insist on standing tbth, sitting down is obviously more comfortable Grin

FallonsTeaRoom · 27/10/2020 19:35

I've heard some women wee so loudly you would think you're in the next cubicle to Niagara Falls, to be fair. Especially bad at work when you have to pretend you didn't just hear the raging torrent from your team leader!

3dogdnorth · 27/10/2020 19:39

My DH does this thing that he flushes while still peeing. He is just finishing as the flushing stops so the toilet always has a bit of p**s in it! Anyone else have a DH that does this. He does do quietly though

Hugsgalore · 27/10/2020 19:44

@3dogdnorth

My DH does this thing that he flushes while still peeing. He is just finishing as the flushing stops so the toilet always has a bit of p**s in it! Anyone else have a DH that does this. He does do quietly though
My dad used to do this but I don't remember there ever being wee in the toilet after so he must have finished during!
Hugsgalore · 27/10/2020 19:46

@FallonsTeaRoom

I've heard some women wee so loudly you would think you're in the next cubicle to Niagara Falls, to be fair. Especially bad at work when you have to pretend you didn't just hear the raging torrent from your team leader!
I used to work with a woman who sounded like she was emptying a large bucket of water into the toilet... it used to make my stomach turn! Ther was no flow... it was like a water dump 🤣
SimonJT · 27/10/2020 19:48

@LakieLady

I'm convinced it's a form of exhibitionism, but with sound instead of sight.

Men can pee quietly if they piss down the side of the bowl rather than straight into the water.

That sprays wee everywhere, including all over your legs.
NeegansWife · 27/10/2020 19:55

Women physically cannot control the angle of their stream so we cannot control the level of noise at all, whereas men have directional appendages and they can choose to pee with their stream directly into the middle of the bowl, ie: knowingly make a bloody noise with their performance pissing, or direct it to the side of the bowl and be a bit more discreet.

Goosefoot · 27/10/2020 19:57

Gravity?

Also - poor design, talk to the architect.

I remember reading an etiquette book once, maybe Emily Post, where she maintained that no one outside of a bathroom or toilet can ever hear anything that goes on inside, unless someone faints or calls for help.

Burnthurst187 · 27/10/2020 20:01

A lot of men like to pee in to the middle of the loo. Tell him to pee on the side and it will be quieter

Scarlettpixie · 27/10/2020 20:20

Ask him to close the door?

Thepilotlightsgoneout · 27/10/2020 20:24

Mine does this. So loud, we can all hear it Confused

mmgirish · 27/10/2020 20:31

Isn't it because they pee standing up so it's louder because it's coming from higher up than a women's pee...

Frenchdoors1 · 27/10/2020 20:33

DH has had a wee and it sounded like a bucket of water being poured. It's embarrassing

This has made me laugh, it does sound like a bucket of water being poured down Grin

MoMandaS · 27/10/2020 20:34

Is it because they tend to leave it late before going, so there's more coming out in a more urgent fashion?

JacobReesMogadishu · 27/10/2020 20:34

No idea but my boy cat wees in the litter tray louder than my girl cat. You can hear him across the house!

PlanDeRaccordement · 27/10/2020 20:36

It’s physics. Men are peeing from higher up because they stand, so the pee has a higher velocity and hits the toilet water harder. In addition, there are not a seat and bum covering most of the toilet bowl to muffle the noise. If they pee on the side of the bowl, they get splash back which sprays pee up under and on the rim of the toilet, sometimes outside the toilet onto the floor.

I’d rather have a bit of noise than worry about going in to a urine soaked toilet and floor afterwards.

It’s nothing to do with behaviour, exhibitionism, and so on.

NiceGerbil · 27/10/2020 20:36

You all need to watch this 😂😂😂

captainpantbeard · 27/10/2020 20:36

It’s because they DON’T SHUT THE BLOODY DOOR. And also none of it mattered until we started working from home.

Original poster
BibbityBobbityBellend · 27/10/2020 20:38

Women can wee loudly too. I have heard it and done it myself but I change my angle and it's magically quiet again.

He knows how to do it quietly. It must be a conscious choice. Not sure if the stupidity or arrogance would annoy me more. I imagine him like a peacock preening his fucking feathers, cheat pushed out all proud that his piss would set of the decibel alarm on my watch if we were in the same room. And he pisses all over the seat. THEN LIFTS IT UP SO I PUT IT DOWN THINKING ITS UP BECAUSE HE HAS HAD A WEE AND SIT ON IT. what an absolute cunt!

OP posts:
NiceGerbil · 27/10/2020 20:39

I describe DH in the morning as doing a giant horses wee.

He also farts tremendously first one of the day. The kids and I would sit in bed and listen and laugh and give him a review compared to past efforts and sometimes a round of applause when he came out 😀

Agree on conference calls it's a total bugger.

NiceGerbil · 27/10/2020 20:40

'And he pisses all over the seat. THEN LIFTS IT UP SO I PUT IT DOWN THINKING ITS UP BECAUSE HE HAS HAD A WEE AND SIT ON IT. what an absolute cunt!'

This is total bastardry and I would kill him. What an total sod.

Also pissing everywhere. He needs to have to clean it up.

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